Am I Ill? Or "Just" Crazy?

[WorryIsMyMiddleName]

Hi all. This is my first post, although I have perused the forums on occasion when some of my (rather numerous) Google searches have brought me here :blush: Thank you - reading your thoughts and experiences has often made me feel much better because I could have written so many of them myself, and I no longer feel quite so alone.

Over the course of the past couple of years, I have managed to convince myself of several fatal outcomes. Some symptoms worried me far more than others, but here is a list of most of them, along with my feared outcome (italised) and the actual outcome:

(I'm hoping this list may help someone else in a similar situation as we can usually see the irrationality of it when it's someone else's perspective!)

* severe cystitis symptoms - bladder cancer (eventually diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis)
* swallowing difficulty - oesophageal cancer (turned out to be an oesophageal motility problem)
* blood blister on breast - skin cancer (popped a day or two after seeing GP)
* lumps in breast - breast cancer (ultrasounds showed a dilated duct and small cysts)
* small purple lesion on breast - skin cancer (GP said possibly a heamangioma, but definitely not a bruise)
* two-tone mole on back - melanoma (GP said it looked healthy)
* fissure that wouldn't heal - rectal cancer (finally healed after a year)
* red bloody freckle on hip - skin cancer (a white halo appeared around it and the blood blister eventually disappeared)
* stomach aches and diarrhoea - IBD or bowel cancer (got better after a few weeks)
* red patch on hard palate - oral cancer (disappeared after a few days but I'd already phoned my dentist by that point...)
* months of pelvic pain - ovarian cancer (ultrasound showed a small cyst and blocked tube)
* various neurological symptoms - MS (was eventually diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis)

Current issues still waiting to be resolved:
* 18 months of sensation of something caught in throat and enlarged submandibular gland (plus enlarged gland behind ear) - throat cancer
* swollen underarm gland, went down but developed tender cord in its place - cancer
* nipple itching, weeping and crusting for several weeks, despite treatment - Paget's (a rare type of breast cancer)
* slight cough/tickle deep in chest that has persisted past four months - cancer
* prickling in back of mouth when eating certain foods and a sore, circular, red patch on tongue - oral cancer

All I've done over the past couple of years is worry (I also worry about my child and my dog's health, but that's another story!) and my family are fed up of hearing about my concerns and problems. My husband and I have drifted apart because I'm no longer fun to be around, and I feel that I can't enjoy my beautiful family because I always have this sickening feeling of dread and fear hanging over me. I keep telling myself that I will start re-living my life once I've sorted out my current problem, but that never happens as I either question/doubt the GP's reassurances after leaving the surgery, or I move straight onto the next concern and the whole, exhausting process starts again.

I apologise for the long and rambling post, I know how crazy all this sounds. If any of you have similar experiences or can relate in any way then please get in touch. My (irrational?) fear of cancer and being separated from my loved ones is slowly driving me insane.


UPDATE AUG 2014
* Was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis a few month ago which has explained many of my neurological symptoms, such as lid lag on one eye, vision disturbance when I'm warm, walking and swallowing difficulties, numbness, pins & needles, odd sensations etc. Am now awaiting further tests on some of my other, unrelated symptoms. However, my health anxieties are focussed around cancer and so still no improvement on that front...

[Darbysa]

Hi there

First of all you are not crazy. You have Health Anxiety which you will see is fairly common. Most people on here will be able to relate to you in some way. I know you have seen your doctor many times but has this anxiety issue ever been picked up? Are you having any treatment for it? You don't need me to tell you that the likelihood of you having all these different cancers is non-existent. I was thinking that maybe this was a form of post natal depression but you say this has been going on for longer than that so I guess not but it could be that your hormones have made this worse. It's really hard to get through something like this without any help. Maybe your doctor could refer you for counselling. It's a shame your relationship with your husband is not good at the moment. He probably doesn't know how to handle this. It is very hard for someone to understand if they have never had any worries like this.
I do understand how hard it is to accept that there is nothing physically wrong with you and to trust your doctor when you feel this way. I wish I could give you the answer to all this. Please go back to your doctor-not about your physical health but about these health fears. I do hope you can get some help and maybe talk to your husband about how you feel. Perhaps you could show him your post? You are not alone and you can always come on here for reassurance when you need it.

Take care

Sal x

[sparkle_1979]

I could have written your post... I'm excatly the same as you x

[WorryIsMyMiddleName]

Hi Sal, and thanks for your reply. Anxiety hasn't ever been mentioned but I did start seeing a different GP (at the same practice) after my baby was born as the one I was previously seeing practically bit my head off when I mentioned the C word. She didn't do anything to alleviate my symptoms or my concerns and seeing her was a waste of time. The GP I've seen on my last few visits has been fantastic though, she listens, addresses every issue, and always follows up to see whether the issue has been resolved or needs further action. Unfortunately, it's the previous GP that I'm booked in to see this week as my new one is away for a few weeks. I'm really disappointed about that and know it probably isn't the time to bring up my anxiety problems, but I will do as soon as she's back as she wants to know what's been done about my eye problem. Although I know that it's highly unlikely that I have cancer, I do know of a few young people who have lost their lives to it recently, and the fear and the symptoms are so real that they're difficult to ignore.

My husband doesn't like the person I've become and if he can't fix a problem then he'd rather not know about it. We don't have much of a relationship anymore as he's fed up of hearing about my problems and i feel that he doesn't give a damn. Plus, it doesnt help that I spend my free time consulting good ol' Dr Google... :shrug: x

---------- Post added at 22:17 ---------- Previous post was at 22:11 ----------

Hi Sparkle. I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing the same problems but its also a little comforting to know that I'm not the only one. What do you worry about? And have you done anything about it? x