View Full Version : Premature return to work?
NE21 worrier
07-04-13, 12:20
Hello folks,
First of all, sorry for the long post but I am in a bit of a quandary, riven by an internal conflict which keeps going round and round in my mind.
Last week, on Tuesday night, I had a panic attack - not my first, the details of which are here (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=132892). I went to the doctors and was signed off work for six weeks.
I took diazepam from Wednesday to Friday, and finally properly started on a daily 50mg dose of Sertraline which had been prescribed to me two weeks previously - but which I had largely declined to take due to the side-effects from two doses.
Additionally, I have stopped drinking. I have not had an alcoholic drink since last Sunday when a party for Easter turned into an all-day bender. This made me badly sick on Monday, just before my panic on Tuesday.
Now, the good news is that I have really settled down to the extent that I want to return to work next week (Tue is my next shift), contrary to grave warnings from the doctor.
I am reasonably good at my job and I receive good support there from my manager - as proof, I have had only had two days off last May before this latest absence despite some ups and downs.
However, the GP has warned that going back prematurely will simply mean that I suffer another similar set-back in maybe a couple of months - but I am feel guilty that I seem fit enough to work and I am not there.
There is additional pressure in that I am on a short-term contract due to end in September subject to performance and attendance. Obviously, six weeks off will count against me in this respect and it really is a decent enough job which I would like to keep hold of.
Moreover, my manager has asked me to keep her up to date and is already asking what the workplace can do to make me want to go back. I find it tough answering this as there is little more they can do than they have already as I feel if I did return I would be able to put in a decent enough shift. She will also ask me how I am feeling, and the answer is that I actually feel fine...
I am due to take a telephone call on Monday to be referred to the local mental health team for some further CBT, and I will next see my GP on Thursday. My instinct is to stay off until then anyway and raise the matter again with him then. However, I am already pretty sure what his answer will be as he was fairly adamant I would need at least six weeks off when he gave me the medical certificate.
I want to deal with my generalised anxiety/panic disorder - but, at the same time, I want to get on with my life, I feel that I could do some sort of job there still, and I do not let a good job slip away from me.
Thanks for reading. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Peter
If your panic attack wasn't caused by work then I think you should go back. Reasons:
1) Work will keep your mind busy.
2) If you enjoy your job then it will also make you happy.
3) You want to keep the job.
4) Your boss sounds great and understanding.
5) Doctors are often wrong.
6) YOU want to go back.
7) You feel guilty being off.
8) Taking time off would harm your chances of being kept on cos you are on a short term contract - Can't you do the CBT outside work hours?
9) Working = earning!
If I've read your post wrong and going back to work would increase your anxieties then I'm sorry but as I read it the best course of action would be to ignore the doctors advice and return to work.
Good luck with whatever you decide :)
I agree with gypcyg's post but the other side of the story is that if you do go back to work, you need to make sure your doc signs you 'fit for work'...it's something to do with duty of care/health & safety, ie. if you are signed off sick then you should not be at work because if anything happened to you while working, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Not that this is going to happen, but just make sure you tell the doc to sign you as fit.
The other thing is that with GAD/anxiety/panic...you can have days where you feel great and then you can get a blip, which could set you back a bit. The doc probably gave you 6 weeks to help you manage any side effects from the meds too....I went back to work when I felt better, but it was very tough and I ended up having a relapse...
Anyway it's just my opinion...you have to do what is right for you and only you know how you really feel. It is a bonus that your manager is being very supportive, that is a big help.
Go with your gut instinct, if you can hold out until you see your doc and you are still feeling good, then go back to work. I wish you well in your recovery.
Good luck,
Kitti :)
It sounds like your anxiety is not work-related and that you feel up to going back.
However, if you are signed off, your employer is not allowed to let you come back to work until your GP signs you back on. So you will need to persuade your GP that working would be good for you.
I think it's worth telling your boss that she is already supporting you exceptionally well. It could help keep good relations if you're hoping for an extension to your contract.
I was the same as kittikat, I went back to work too soon and made myself worse. My doctors advise was indeed the best advise and your health is more important than anything. However my work was not understanding of my illness and if anything they put EXTRA pressure on me. If you can be sure that work is not adding to your anxiety and that you will be supported by your employer and you feel you will be happier at work then do it but of cause, as Kitti says you will have to see your GP for a 'fit to work' note. I hope your recovery goes well which ever decision you make.
I agree with the points everyone has made but would also like to say that like Annie and Kittikat as soon as I started to feel better I went back to work which with hindsight was not the best decision. For the past 10 months I have continued to work whilst trying to recover, at times this has been helpful for all the reasons gypcyp stated and it has got me through some very tough times. However, I'm not better, I've put off changing medication several times because I didn't want to take time off work, therefore prolonging my suffering.
The Sertraline is unlikely to be having any positive effect if you've been taking it for less than a week, I am on day 24 and my side effects kicked in on day 10 and are getting worse. You will probably be fine but it would be horrible for you to go back to work and then have to go sick again. Also I have used work as a distraction/therapy, I now recognise that I deserve to be properly well, not just coping and OK, sadly this means more time off and I will not return until I have had two weeks of feeling 80%.
Ultimately only you can decide what is best for you but I wanted to share my experience of returning to work.
Take care
Sam
NE21 worrier
07-04-13, 21:58
Hello again,
Sorry once again for the long post and delayed reply. I've been out this afternoon watching Papiss Cisse put in a last-minute goal to squeak my beloved Newcastle United a 1-0 win over Fulham, and perhaps to Premier League safety.
As it happened, I had no problem watching the match re:anxiety, other than a level of tension that I expect was reverberating around the stadium, as we looked set to drop two points. I even had a couple of pints afterwards - I felt relaxed and these were my first sups of the week.
However, while neither myself or my friends ate in town, I was relieved at this as public eating is one of my major anxieties. It is perhaps no coincidence that, when I am at my worst, I get acid in my oesophagus/mouth and gag and even starve myself for a day or two.
Regarding my position at work - on analysis, it would seem that my anxiety on Tuesday was in regard to it, contrary to my attributing it to future events - I suspect they are too far ahead for me really to have got concerned yet about them.
For those who do not know, I work in a contact centre for a govt department, and I have recently changed line of business - and, while I am doing better than some (or even most?), my lack of self-confidence for when I do not know how to resolve a call is affecting me.
Again, it was no surprise that my anxiety attack occurred on Tuesday after a long bank holiday weekend. I even mentioned that I wasn't feeling very good on Monday (putting it down to 'holiday blues') to my parents, who I still live with at the age of 29.
At the same time, however, my CBT has told me that the avoidance of situations can only make things worse. As stated, from an objective perspective, I am actually competent at my job, I just do not have the confidence to believe so.
The only way I am going to get better/be more confident is by going there and answering calls with support on offer - and yet I feel forbidden to do so by my GP who seemed convinced that I would not be able to deal long-term with a public-facing job, and would be back in his office within weeks.
I remain still so confused what to do?:wacko:
I guess you are the only one really who can know if you think you can cope with it yet or not. Speak to your doctor again and tell him how you feel.
Some one posted this link the other day and it has some really good work books, some of them may be helpful to you http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm
Eating out is also one of my biggest worries but I have been getting better with it. Well done to Newcastle today :D My oldest son supports Newcastle but the rest of us are Liverpool supporters :) Not looking good for Sunderland :D I have only been to St James Park once and that was for the Sir Bobby Robson match the week before he died.
Snoodlester
07-04-13, 22:18
Hi Peter
I've been reading other people's responses as I'm going through work issues too. I had 2 weeks sick leave in February and my bosses seemed really supportive and caring. As I wasn't able to take all my holiday allowance last year, I've been alternating going back to work for a week, and then taking a week's holiday. However, last weekend I had another 'crisis' and the doctor has signed me off for another 2 weeks. The feelings I'm getting from my bosses now is quite the opposite - not helpful at all. What makes matters worse, I'm due to be made redundant on 19th April. I don't think this brought on my recent anxiety, but I guess it hasn't helped. I do think I went back to work too early - although with holiday I actually had 3 weeks at home, I don't think it was long enough for the medication to work.
My boss has asked me to go in next Friday - when I'm still officially on sick leave. I feel guilty about all of this time off, and I said I could but not for the whole day - but to be honest I'm not sure I should even be doing that judging by what other people have said above.
Let me know what you decide and how you get on.
Sue x
Sue you are not allowed to go into work when you have a sick note and your boss should not be asking you.
NE21 worrier
08-04-13, 14:06
Hmm... I am not having a good day.
For a start I haven't achieved much with my day, had some toast for breakfast but my chest/sternum feels tight again so I have put off eating a sandwich which my mother has made me for lunch. I am just sat here on my own in my front room, watching the extended news coverage...
Also, I feel absolutely shattered today - this btw is my seventh day on 50mg of Sertraline. And this is despite a decent eight-hour sleep 1am-9am.
In the end, I must admit that I actually had more than just 'a couple of pints'. One before the football, one at HT, and three afterwards = 5. It was a good win and it is important to note that I don't feel hungover (no headache), just shattered and without much appetite.
I'm also still anxious that my absence from work will result in no chance of my contract being renewed in September. Then, I will be back on the unemployment scrapheap... and God knows how I will feel then? :unsure:
I have a preliminary interview with the local NHS Mental Health team at 3.15pm so I feel that I can't really do much before then.
Anyway, I should add that I am indebted so far to the responses that I have had so far in this thread. I've found a really nice, caring corner of the internet here, I think.
Peter x
Hi Peter How did your interview with the mental health team go? Alcohol and antidepressants don't go well together :D so you may have to find another way to celebrate Newcastle's wins (not that they have many :footy::footy:)
NE21 worrier
08-04-13, 21:01
Hello Annie again,
The mental health team have done an initial interview and have arranged for me to go to some more CBT sessions, though did not have a timescale of when these would start.
I have done some of these before but I was not very good at practising the techniques in between the sessions, and have seemed to lose the knack altogether since, hence my more and more regular panic episodes.
Today has been a tougher day with my anxiety at a higher level than I want it to be. I've only eaten some toast and some sandwiches, and I'm now more shattered now than wanting to eat, half falling asleep in front of the Manc derby.
I'll see how I am tomorrow on the back of an alcohol-free day before getting too worked up about my appetite again. Generally still, I think I am as relaxed as I'm going to be at this stage, more just shattered now as I say. Also, I have been trying to deal with intrusive thoughts about work who have not been in contact with me anyway. I sent my medical certificate off first class today.
RE: A few questions, if I may, about Sertraline as I have v little knowledge of SSRIs or, more likely, cannot really remember what I have been told:
*Does the doctor usually increase the dose, and does this increased dose make the side-effects worse?
*When would the doctor consider doing this?
*Finally, what actually is the medical reason for increasing the dose?
By the way, the GP made a forecast that he expects I will be on the Sertraline for 1-2 years. As a reminder, I currently take 1x50mg/day.
RE: The Toon. Well, we've made a bit of a mess of this season - should stay up now though, I think - and last season was great fun. Mackems (H) next week - think I might need the diazepam again (though, seriously, hopefully not!)
I hope you don't have to wait too long to start the CBT and make sure you do your homework! :D
I can't really help as regards SSRI's as I take tricylics but you will find lots of previous threads about it on the medication section of the forum (forum jump bottom right of this page).
I hope you have a good sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow. Anxious day tomorrow for me...dentist appointment! :scared15:
NE21 worrier
08-04-13, 21:13
Oh good luck with that! Pretty brave, if you ask.
As, I know this is not a particularly positive thing, but I have avoided the dentist for years...
Had a small filling when I was younger (early teens) without having my gum numbed. Even though, it was just a small filling, it really hurt and while I still went on an ad hoc basis as a student, I've not been for probably about seven years now...
RE: A few questions, if I may, about Sertraline as I have v little knowledge of SSRIs or, more likely, cannot really remember what I have been told:
*Does the doctor usually increase the dose, and does this increased dose make the side-effects worse?
*When would the doctor consider doing this?
*Finally, what actually is the medical reason for increasing the dose?
By the way, the GP made a forecast that he expects I will be on the Sertraline for 1-2 years. As a reminder, I currently take 1x50mg/day.
Sorry to hear you have not had such a good day...
With regard to the meds, your GP will usually start you on the lowest theraputic dose. It sounds about right that you may have some side effects kicking in now, it can take 6 weeks or so for things to settle down. If things start to improve for you once settled, it's not usually necessary to increase your dose. I have recently increased my meds after 7 months as I felt my depression getting worse due to work stress factors. My anxiety, however, is much improved. I had very little trouble with increased SE's, but we are all different, as are the meds. As Annie says have a read in the meds section...Stay positive. Kitti :)
NE21 worrier
09-04-13, 17:51
Latest update - Day eight of 50mg Sertraline.
A horrible day in which I have achieved absolutely nothing - woke up at 7.30am after a decent enough sleep, but did not get out bed, just read my book/internet news.
I took Sertraline tablet at 11am, felt very very drowsy, still not out of bed, and went back asleep 1.30pm-4pm. Still sat perched on the edge of my bed now.
I have eaten nothing but an apple and a Bounty Bar, having just had toast and a few sandwiches yesterday... so it is fair to say that I am not eating well.
Meanwhile, my manager at work has been in contact with my mum (named as next of kin), having apparently failed to get through to me. I sent my sick note off first class yesterday but she says that she has some important news. I don't know anything further about it so I will have to contact her tomorrow.
I am also meant to be meeting a friend tonight, slightly worried about this as he has said that he is "concerned that, as we near a year on from Thailand, your issues are continuing, and I cannot help feeling the medical people seeing you are not really understanding the causes and solutions to your situation".
And now I don't know if Sertraline is the answer, and indeed if I'm taking the right steps at all. I feel as if I'm becoming a shell of a person :weep:
The first few weeks on meds are never easy but it will get better. Try to eat little and often. I used to nibble on rich tea biscuits. Bananas are good to eat if you can manage one.
NE21 worrier
10-04-13, 09:46
Update: Day 9 on 50mg Sertraline
Hello again,
I've made a much better start to today. I'm up and out of bed, sitting in the living room with a cup of tea. I may try and eat some fruit in a moment and I plan to see the local mind office in Bensham (a bus ride away) later this morning. There's no way I'm becoming a victim of my own demise again today.
I'm glad I saw my friend last night. His concern for me was not the length of time it was taking me to get better, though he recognises that unfortunately I went back to square one. It was more that he advised me, in his opinion as a friend, more emphasis needs to be put on my general lack of food/calorie intake even when I am well. It is perhaps no surprise that my anxiety attacks my stomach/oesophagus. Healthy body, healthy mind and all that...
Also, living back at home (I moved out for university in 2004 for a year, and again with friends in 2007), it is fair to say that, even in my 30th year, I have not yet adapted to being an adult, as utterly shameful as that sounds - part-due to laziness, part-due to a complete lack of self-confidence, especially in the kitchen.
That cup of tea I was on about. Well, mum made that. That's not to say that I cannot make a cup of tea for myself but she does just about everything for me and the age of 29, that's not a right and proper way of living life...
Finally, I am slightly concerned about speaking to my manager. I don't know what important information she will have for me. Also, although she is supportive in herself, I know it is her job to get me to come into work - and while I feel better today, I think the last two days have shown I am not ready to go back...
---------- Post added at 09:46 ---------- Previous post was at 09:22 ----------
OK, just spoke to my manager. She wishes to do a home visit with her manager, probably on Monday morning, exact time TBC.
Of course, I just agreed to this - I am not one to show resistance and it seemed like a reasonable request. I imagine my mum will be around, and I have been advised that I can have union representation also.
My main issue with this is that if they assessed me on a day like today when I am feeling much sprightlier, I think it is more than likely that they will encourage me to go back into work.
But I doubt the doctor would think this is a good idea and, after my last two days, nor would I. At the same time, this informal meeting would allow me perhaps to negotiate a phased return to work and/or different hours. As stated, I would like to keep this job if I can, but not to the detriment of my health.
Should I have resisted a home visit at this stage? Any other thoughts? Thanks again, Peter.
It is normal procedure to have a sickness review and you are lucky they will do a home visit as mine wouldn't. I was too ill to go there so my Union representative went and acted on my behalf. Just be mindful that everything you say will be written in the sickness review report. You called this an 'informal' meeting. I am sure they will see it as 'formal' so be mindful of that. Anxiety is covered on the 2010 equalities act so they do have a duty of care to you.
NE21 worrier
10-04-13, 10:19
Thanks again, Annie.
As I have never been down this route before, I am completely new to it all so I couldn't really tell if it was a reasonable request or not.
Also, it was my manager who mentioned that the discussion would be "informal", although I suspect you are correct in that it will be formally recorded in a report.
I would presume it would be sensible of me to mention this to my doctor when I see him for my appointment tomorrow morning to get his perspective.
Yes I would mention it to your doctor. Work may also refer you to Occupational Health but that is nothing to worry about as they are there to make sure you get the support you need.
NE21 worrier
11-04-13, 15:01
Hello,
Today is day 10 of me taking 50mg of Sertraline, and it has not gone particularly well. In fact, it has almost been a total wipeout.
Last night, after a better day in which I got out the house and went to town for a couple of hours in the afternoon, I fell asleep at around 10pm, sleeping through until 4am. I woke up then but only for an hour before sleeping from 5am-8am. The second time I woke up I still felt absolutely exhausted.
I was up for a doctor's appointment anyway, and he told me not to be concerned and that the side-effects will go away and that I would also still be sleeping so much after the shock of an episode of panic.
However, it should be pointed out that I don't actually feel particularly anxious anymore at this point in time. After all, the panic attack was now more than a week ago.
Anyway, I returned from the doctors at 9.15am, had toast for breakfast but then felt an overwhelming desire to sleep again, and so I did from 11am-2pm, ripping out the middle part of the day, just as had happened on Tuesday.
I've had a shower now and feel refreshed so I'll be able to stay awake to go to the Newcastle United match against Benfica this evening. However, I am generally dissatisfied at this point with this situation of feeling utterly exhausted all of time :wacko:
Your problem is staying awake, mine is getting to sleep. I have had a total of 7 hours sleep since Sunday. Enjoy the match, I hope Newcastle win :D
NE21 worrier
12-04-13, 16:01
Hello folks again,
Today I have a low mood despite not taking my 50mg Sertraline yet. I am going to take this evening a couple of hours before bed because of the exhausting effect it seems to have on me. In the meantime, I almost feel back to square one with my thoughts in this thread.
I woke this morning at 9am having slept from about 1am, waking only briefly around 4am and again at 7.45am to a pointless alarm. Nevertheless, despite the disturbances, the quality of the sleep seemed good and I have not felt as tired today as I have previously. Then again, I have not taken any Sertraline.
At the same time, however, my motivation levels are zero - I have drank a cup of tea and only eaten a banana, and visited the bathroom once. Otherwise, once again, I have stayed shut in my room reading. The thing is that I don't actually feel anxious anymore, I am sleeping well, and indeed oversleeping on the medication. I now just really lazy and with zero motivation.
And yet the doctor yesterday is still adamant I will need at least six weeks off work - this is of course something which I will have to justify in the home visit on Monday (yet TBC) - but I am not sure I can.
At the same time, the facts tell me that I know I suffer from a panic disorder and that the medication is making me exhausted - but that seems to be the biggest problem at the moment. The sense of anxiety/panic has gone, replaced by a feeling of being lethargic, exhausted - but worst of all, a skiver.
I guess I am just so confused again...
After an episode of high anxiety you are bound to feel lethargic and exhausted for a while. You are in no way a skiver!
NE21 worrier
15-04-13, 10:03
Urgh. Home-visit from my manager - and her manager - confirmed for this morning. At least I'm feeling better than I did yesterday (see: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=133491) but still nervous about it. Think they might try to force me to go back...
NE21 worrier
15-04-13, 23:21
Hello Annie,
Glad to say I've had a better day. Avoided the sports news of course!
The meeting this morning went generally well, and made me feel optimistic, as if they weren't giving up on me. I probably said more than I was going to originally - the doctor's instructions seemed basically to emphasise I was not fit for work for at least six weeks and leave it at that.
However, though my manager knows a bit about my anxiety, I felt it important she, and her manager, understood more about the nature of the panic attacks (i.e. that it is not just work which sets them off, sometimes it is but it can be something else or indeed lots of different stuff (as in this case)).
Also, they understood unquestioningly where I was coming from in terms of me taking the time off to try and break the Just Coping-Panic-Recovery cycle, and to get used to the medication. I'm no longer beating myself up about being the skiver I'm not.
But, while I imagine I would still need at least this full week off for starters, I will be making a further appointment with the GP later this week to see if there is a firmer plan of action that can be put into place whereby I would return to work sooner rather than later. We shall see...
I am pleased the meeting went well. In my own experience I would advise taking the 6 weeks but if you really want to get back sooner, how about a phased return? Maybe only half days for a few weeks?
NE21 worrier
19-04-13, 10:57
Oh dear... feel as if I am digging myself one hell of a hole here - and feeling stuck in the hole between my GP and my employer :unsure:
On Monday, I had a home visit from managers at work. I felt that this went well on Monday but gathered that my employer was effectively looking for a return plan. The managers were honest with me and advised that "formal action" would be taken after four weeks, in line with departmental procedures but that support and private occupational health (Right Core Care) was available.
This morning, I went to my latest doctor's appointment. The GP is kindly, and seems to understand my issues perhaps better than some GPs would. However, I sensed he was disappointed that I had already opened a dialogue with my employer about a possible return to work (even on a phased basis), and so I didn't push any further in asking for a change to my sick note. I also didn't mention to the GP about the offer of the OH because previously my GP told me not to deal with anything offered by the employer as it was only there to get me to go back to work more quickly.
As it stands, I remain on the sidelines for six weeks, and I now feel as if I need to do some serious backtracking with my employer...
Any employer will send you to Occupational Health. It is part of the procedure they are required to follow. Occupational Health are there to support YOU. Mine advised that I shouldn't return to work for another 3 months (I also had a foot injury as well as anxiety). They also informed my employers that my anxiety was covered under the 2010 Equalities act which means that your Employer has a duty of care to you.
NE21 worrier
19-04-13, 12:46
Sorry, I think I might be getting myself confused actually... not for the first time... My employer was referring to Right Corecare which, looking at their website (http://www.eap.rightcorecare.co.uk/) is an Employee Assistance Programme, rather than an OH provider such as ATOS.
I think this is the sort of thing my doctor was warning me off against, nevertheless I felt obliged to take the details from my employer on Monday. Apparently, RCC organise their own therapy sessions, separate to the NHS, but - in all likelihood - more quickly. I admitted to my employer I was only on a waiting list with the NHS but did not tell my doctor about RCC.
I also said I would give them an update after my appointment which I have yet to do as I really do not know what to say. My next appointment with the doctor is 2nd May*. I am tempted to tell my manager today that, in my GP's professional opinion, I will need at least until then before my case is reviewed... just to give me some breathing room.
(*The only issue with 2nd May is that it just after the four-week trigger at which "formal action" begins. I was hoping rather to avoid this but, as I've made clear, my GP seems adamant)
Right core care sounds like it is something to assist you provided by your employer. (My employers used first assist) it is there for your benefit to access the services if you wish to. ATOS is nothing to do with Occupational Health. ATOS is the scheme which assess people to see if they are entitled to benefits (government based). Occupational Health assess your problems and advise the employer in how they can assist you in your return to work. Do not feel pressured into going back to work too soon. Listen to and take your GP's advise.
NE21 worrier
19-04-13, 13:03
Sorry I keep getting things wrong. I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent chap but, as you can see, I have got myself very confused about what different bodies are supposed to be.
Did you use 'First Assist'? If so, would you suggest I give Right Corecare a try?
I have had a look at the website for Right core and it looks like they offer a face to face counselling service so there is no harm in giving it a go. It won't cost you anything. I used the services provided by my employer. They also had another health care provider which gave me 6 sessions of private physiotherapy at no charge to me.
It is very confusing with all these different bodies. It is only because I have been through it all that I know about it.
NE21 worrier
23-04-13, 22:10
So, in the latest chapter of this real-life saga, I rather cracked on Monday, and agreed with my manager to go back to work tomorrow (Wednesday) on a 30-hour basis, 9am-3pm, rather than my usual shift 9-5.30pm. I'd had a quiet weekend with little or no stress, sleeping well with a so-so appetite, still taking 50mg Sertraline.
On Monday, I woke positively and spoke to work, admitting entirely honestly to my manager that I felt I had little purpose sitting at home. Now - surprise, surprise - I am not so sure again, especially as I am going completely against my GP's advice, almost for the purpose of saving my job. After all, today I have barely had the energy to come out of my room and my appetite is still not good.
As I write, I do not feel as if I am on the verge of a panic attack and a completely sleepness night but my chest is beginning to feel a little tighter than ideal and I have had the trots:blush:. I think I am still going to have to set an alarm and just see how I am tomorrow morning... I just feel as if I'm screwing everyone around and not being consistent in my approach to work and the GP.
NE21 worrier
24-04-13, 07:59
Slept 2am-5.30am, and ~6.50am to 7.40am. Feeling v tired and wound up (slightly tight chest) though not quite on the verge of panic... my thoughts are still fairly rational but I am worried of slipping back into the Just Coping-Panic-Recovery cycle.
I guess this is why the GP signed me off work for so long but I just wanted to do what's best for my long-term prospects. However, I feel I have made the wrong call here.
I have to agree with your doctor as I did the same thing. Have you managed to get to work?
NE21 worrier
24-04-13, 11:42
Yes, I have made it into work and so far I have just caught up on guidance. I now have a 15-minute break and afterwards I will do a return to work before, presumably, I go back live on the calls (I am a government contact centre worker).
Everyone here is glad to see me and my manager has not pushed me to get anything done too quickly. I am still feeling a little anxious at the moment - though it is nothing unbearable. I have only managed a cup of tea and an apple so far today and I am unsurprisingly sleepy but again I am determined to get through this, goodness knows what I will say to the doctor next week. I guess it depends how it goes.
NE21 worrier
24-04-13, 16:00
Well, I did it - but it's just one day and that was tough. I am absolutely shattered now.
Was it worth it? I really don't know. Going to have to see how I manage between now and my next docs appointment a week on Thursday.
I have actually been quite open and honest with my manager, stating that I almost did not make it back in this morning but I have done to try and prevent them from taking 'formal action' regarding the level of my sickness. My only other absence on record came in a different department. It was for 2 days in May last year when I also returned early off a similar fit note as I had managed to get myself to Thailand in the meantime.
I have mentioned, though, that if I still really cannot cope and simply have to take more time off, I will do - and if this results in formal action then so be it. At least I would have tried...
Did you get a fit for work note from your GP before you went back?
You are right in saying that you have tried but please remember that your health is more important so don't push yourself too hard. If it gets too much for you you need the time off.
NE21 worrier
26-04-13, 12:04
Hello Annie and any other readers,
What a disaster!! My return to work lasted all of two days (Wednesday and yesterday). Btw, I had signed myself off without a fit note.
I was always aware that this was a risky strategy but I was becoming bored and frustrated at home. The side effects of the Sertraline had seemed to settle down, and I was sleeping normally and eating most of the time. Consequently, I stupidly thought my body was telling me to go back, and had negotiated a shorter shift of 9am-3pm.
However, as soon as I added back in the stressor of work, I went backwards, despite the fact that, in the last couple of days, I have proved I could actually do the job. The last three nights, though, I have slept only three or four hours (2am-5am/6am), and I started to miss meals altogether (lunchtime on Wed, evening meal yesterday).
This morning, after an all-night migraine and another really poor sleep, I called in sick again, and I visited the GP to tell him what I had done. The GP said "the words 'f-ing idiot' spring to mind" when I told him I had gone back to work - but he was not angry at me personally, I don't think, as he is well-aware that my total lack of self-confidence means I easily crumble to any requests.
Indeed, it seemed he was just relieved that I had at least pulled the plug on this before I deteriorated back into panic attack mode, and also hoped that perhaps I better understood now why he had said I needed at least six weeks off. He has written another fit note, this time for two months from today's date, also explaining on the note to my employer that their interference is not and has not been helpful.
I am aware that my prolonged absence, and the fact that it will now be classed as two separate periods, means that I have now not a hope in hell of retaining my contract in September. I am little sad about this fact as it is work that I think I would easily be able to do if I was in full health.
I need to accept, though, that I am not in full health. I am still struggling with this acceptance, and I feel like a failure. But the rational part of me does at least now know deep down my GP is right, and he was all along...
You have found this out the hard way the same as I did! Now you will listen to your doctor. Going back too soon only makes you worse. You need at least 2 - 3 weeks of feeling well before you think about going back.
Don't feel guilty about not being at work. You are ill and need time to recover properly. Work should not have allowed you to go back without a fit for work note from your doctor so they were very much in the wrong.
NE21 worrier
26-04-13, 13:09
Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't listen:blush:
I thought it was worth the risk and, as I say, I *could* actually do the job without having a panic while I was there - but I must accept the fact that it was to the detriment of my health, generally.
I know I shouldn't be worrying about this right now but I am anxious over where this leaves my life as a whole. I'm 30 years old in September and I still live with parents (though I have lived out and moved back). I would consider that I don't have many 'life skills' as my mum does far too much for me. I also doubt I will keep this job and so I don't know what I will do there either...
I accept that I need these two months off but I don't want them to be the same as my three weeks previously which were largely spent in my room with the internet as my only friend. It was no wonder I started to feel tired and frustrated... and, yes, even profoundly depressed. Annie, if you don't mind me asking but what do/did you do with your extended time off?
My anxiety first started 10 years ago and I was very ill with it, to the point that I hardly left the house and couldn't concentrate on doing anything. The pressure of getting back to work made me worse and I kept trying to go back before I was ready and making myself worse again. I gave in and listened to my doctor. I also had CBT and gradually started getting out and about again and after a month of feeling well I went back to work. (approx 6 months off work). I had an accident last June and this triggered my anxiety again. I had 2 fractured metatarsals and ligament damage in my foot. Again I was under pressure to get back to work. By January this year my foot was healed enough to go back to work but each time it got to the end of my sick note I got worse. In the end I took the decision to leave work to remove that pressure. I am now feeling so much better and getting on with my life as normal. I feel ready to look for work again. Do as much as you can activity wise. I have been making soaps, bath bombs and greetings cards to sell on a craft stall. Don't think because you are on the sick you shouldn't be going out and doing things that make you happy. Go to the football matches, even go on a holiday! One of my doctors suggested a holiday would do me good. I was really anxious about going but I went and he was right it did do me good. Fresh air is good for you so get out and go for walks. Ask your doctor about a gym referral. I have just started to go to pilates. Exercise is really good for improving anxiety.
NE21 worrier
26-04-13, 13:53
Thanks again, Annie.
I am lucky that we have some lovely countryside in the north east. I live not far away from the Derwent Walk countryside near Rowlands Gill and always enjoyed walking there as a kid, and jogging around when I was older (I've done the Blaydon Race a couple of times before).
I've not ran for ages but have been thinking of starting back up. Just need to get the first one out of the way, perhaps. Also, I think I need to learn to do stuff around the house, even at the simplest level. I have lived out before as a student and just about managed but I basically survived on pizzas and chips most of the time. At the moment, I have absolutely no confidence in the kitchen. Incredibly, it is a room I barely even enter. I think I need to learn to cook a little bit as part of my anxiety is definitely attributed to the fact that I just don't feel like an independent adult (well, I'm not...).
My mum is very understanding of my anxiety - she is a support worker in her job which helps - but I'm not sure she quite realises how much she actually does for me, and how this makes me feel. Of course, I don't think doing a bit of running or learning to cook a bit will be a panacea to my anxiety but it surely would help.
As a Mum myself I think you should talk to your Mum and explain how you feel and tell her you would like to feel more independent. Ask her if you can help her with cooking etc. and then have a go at cooking a meal on your own. I encouraged my kids to cook before they went to uni and I love it when they come home and I can sit back and let them cook for me :)
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