Can't help but feel disappointed

[Snoodlester]

I had a 'crisis' in February and called my brother for help. I stayed with he and his family for a few days, and although I know they haven't got the physical room in the house for another person, I felt I'd really put them out which made me feel even more dreadful. I then went on to stay at my parents while I was signed off work. During that time he didn't seem to ask how I was or really want to help with my situation at all.

It's been about six weeks and I had another 'crisis' last week and I'm back with my parents. My brother hasn't called or texted, so didn't know anything about it. I didn't feel able to phone him and say, guess what I'm ill again. He texted on Friday about something completely random, so I responded to this and told him about my current situation. I got no reply. I've been thinking about it ever since - and I've assumed he's thinking, well she didn't bother to tell me so why should I care. He called my mum this afternoon for a chat, but didn't ask about me at all. I know he's got a lot on with two small sons, but I can't help feeling disappointed and that he doesn't really care about me at all :weep:

Sorry, moan over.

[Tufty]

Hi Sue,
I'm guessing your brother has never had anxiety, panic attacks or depression? People with little exposure to mental health problems often find it difficult to understand and even sympathise with sufferers. With some people if they can't see anything wrong with you then there can't be anything 'real' and they won't acknowledge a problem or they feel embarrassed or awkward discussing anything to do with the not so nice feelings we have and therefore don't. However your brother feels - it's his problem, it is difficult to have to explain that you're having a 'crisis' and you've told him, so if he chooses to not acknowledge that I don't think you can do anymore. I wonder if he'd of asked after you if you'd broken your leg?

It is disappointing when you realise that some of those close to you don't feel able to talk about what's happening with you when you're having a wobble. I had post natal depression over 16 years ago, my dad, brother, sister in law, all my brother in laws and sister in laws couldn't talk to me about how I was feeling. If I saw them they would talk about everything else but how I was. This has changed a little over the years, I've had 3 further 'crisis' and it's still taboo to talk about how I am or refer to those periods. I am now very open about my struggles with anxiety but they find it difficult. It is not because they do not care though, it is because of their own fears, ignorance and lack of knowledge - just like your brother.

And don't be sorry for moaning - that's what this forum is here for to talk to other sufferers.

Take care
Sam

[Snoodlester]

Thanks Sam
You're right, I don't think my brother's experienced these things himself. My sister-in-law says she went through some anxieties, so perhaps he's just fed up with it all - but yes that's his problem. It just hurts when you suddenly realise it, and it makes you feel more alone than ever.
Sue x

[Lilharry]

Oh I'm really sorry you're feeling like that Snoodlester. I agree with the other poster about people who haven't been through mental illness not understanding it. I find it hard to get my head around even after suffering from it for so many years. I think some people prefer to bury their head in the sand and not deal with things they know nothing about. I remember a long time ago, before I'd ever suffered from depression, not understanding why people felt depressed. I wondered why they didn't do something about it! It's terrible to think I thought like that, but I guess that's just the way it is. Either way, it's not nice of him to be behaving the way he is, unless there is something else going on. Have you tried confronting him about it? Maybe you guys just need a goot heart to heart to clear the air? There might be things about his family situation he's not telling you, who knows. I think remembering that sometimes the support people need support too can help - maybe he doesn't understand what it is that you need from him and needs a bit of guidance? Really hope you get to sort it out with him xx