family doesn't believe that my anxiety is improving

[swgrl09]

Anybody go through that? I have a family history of anxiety and depression. Both of my sisters, my parents, have had different types of anxiety and/or depression.

I have been working really hard and improving with both over time. I am really proud of myself and so is my fiance. I still struggle occasionally but I am proud of how far I have come.

Now I am finding that my family puts me down and doesn't believe me. My sister makes comments like "You are such a hypochondriac, you shouldn't watch those (medical) shows" and I'll say "No, I can and am doing better now. I have to get used to watching the shows and not getting anxious." Then I will get comments back like "That's not true, you are worse than me. You are not better. Stop lying."

I wish they'd just be proud of me and happy for me for the improvements I've made. I know I am and so is my fiance, so that is what is most important to me. I guess wanting my family's approval has been a lifelong struggle for me that I am learning to deal with anyway.

[Lilharry]

Sounds to me like they aren't happy with their own lives and are projecting on to you. It's sad that they are acting like that, they should be happy for you. I think it's often worse with family or people you're close to because I think we sometimes don't realise what we're saying, it just comes out and we don't really think about how it affects the other person. Maybe a bit of heart to heart with your family about how you really need their encouragement and support instead of putting you down would help?

[swgrl09]

Thank you for your support and insight! I think you are right ... some of my family members are very focused on their own struggles and I don't know if I am even looking for encouragement in the right place with them. I may try and open up again ... that is something I have been working on in therapy - finding my voice in my family. In the past it hasn't gone well ...

[Lilharry]

It often doesn't go well at first, but don't be discouraged and stay strong. Tell them how you feel and leave it at that, it may take some time for them to process it and get back to you. I think the best way to approach these things is by starting off by seeing things from their point of view, but then saying that the things they say upset you and you would really love it if they could show some support and encouragement because you believe that would help you to get better and then end by saying something about how you understand that they need your support and encouragement too and you will do your best to provide it to them as well. That way it sounds like you're not blaming them, but more guiding them and that you're willing to put an effort in too.

[Edie]

I was also going to say it sounds like projection.

I think everyone wants their family's approval. It only becomes a problem when you're not getting it. I think maybe you're right about your family not being the right place to look for encouragement.

I had a similar experience with my ex, who also had mental health problems. I think sometimes relationships can turn dysfunctional when one person progresses faster that another. Not all the time, just occasionally, and maybe that's what's happened here.