ATOS Assesment Time for me )-:

[Chester]

Hi guys,

Just the need to vent/scream/panic/cry

Got my ATOS test this afternoon and I am absolutely dreading it. Done all the stupid things this morning, taken immodium, anti-sickness, been sick, panicked, went safety behaviour mad.

Got a 20 minute taxi ride ahead of me as the centre is about 15 miles away which ATOS are paying for. I'm terrible in cars with people I know nevermind strangers and the taxi driver will know where I'm going and what for (and I look perfectly normal - illogical thinking I know)

I'm also expecting to fail which isn't helping.

I would rather just knock myself out and get there and nod at questions and get home and pour myself the largest biggest swillingess glass of red wine ever known

[Annie0904]

I was just the same when I went for mine. Just make sure you let them know what affect it has had on you today and how difficult it is. Do you have someone to go with you? If you can, take someone with you otherwise they will think it is easy for you to go places on your own. If you have any supporting info from your GP, Counsellor, Occ Health..take it with you.

[Chester]

Thanks Annie, glad these feelings aren't unique to me.

I've got my letters from neurology saying I need further investigation and my upcoming appointments. Got a letter from CBT therapist saying I still need treatment and I'm still not in recovery and my GP wrote to say that I needed a taxi as I can't use other transport as I'm too unwell. I had an Occ Health letter which I sent in with the ESA50. I had my last occ health check up yesterday so won't get the information in time (just for my appeal I guess)

I am going myself as my friend's gran died and the funeral is today so basically my entire friend/family network is at the funeral and I can't ask anyone to miss that really.

I occasionally walk with a stick for confidence so was wondering whether to take that but I'd feel like a fraud!

[Annie0904]

The letters you have will be a great help. Let them know that you usually only go places with someone with you. I hope it goes well for you.

[flossie]

I'd say take the stick if you need it at times. Definitely not being a fraud if you do genuinely use it. If they question you having it just tell them that it helps support you and gives you more confidence having it.
Good luck and let us know how you get on.
I have my assessment on Tuesday. Mine's at home as my GP has already written to say that I am unable to travel to the centre. I haven't any other back up support than her. She has already told me that I won't pass but that there is no way she will agree that I am fit for work. How can you not worry?

[Chester]

Well, I survived so I'll relay my experience. I did take the stick in the end!

The taxi was late but the driver was very informative, he has the contract for the Atos centres' and told me a few horror stories alongside a few positives.

Pokey little assesment centre in a very old building. The assessor was very brash.

She came across very friendly but always followed up with a 'hard' question. I recognised the pattern. She really forced on difficult issues such as bad depression I went through and basically wanted to know how I'd commit suicide if I'd have gone through with it.

I had a mini physical where I had to walk around and raise my arms and knees. Pretty basic, someone in a wheelchair could probably do the upper body movements.

I found myself analysing the answers I gave and following it up with an added negative. For example

'It says here you had a CBT session in a public place, so have you been out in public like that since?'
'Well, I've tried but it was difficult and I couldn't get out of the car'
'Ok but you did manage ok with the CBT therapist?'
'Yes but it was extremely difficult to do'
'But you did go out in public in a crowded place?'
'Yes but I couldn't in my mind without a professional'
'So you understand a panic attack can't kill you?'
'Yes but it's not that simple'
'Ok, so you have been out, great'
'Me (re-iterating) ONCE with a medical professional!'

I did feel watched and treated very much as number as opposed to an individual. Whilst I understand they see millions of people they were very impersonal.

[Annie0904]

I think I was lucky with the lady I got as she was saying "you can't really do this can you?" and more or less prompting me to say no so that I would get more points.

[Chester]

I'm physically ok aside falls I have (which I why I have my stick) and I suffer with costchronditis which can cause movement pain but I've never suggested my problem was physical

I guess that's the problem with these assesments. I can physically do it, I just struggle mentally at the moment.

[Annie0904]

I am fine physically, it is my anxiety, I was put in the working group.

[Chester]

I am fine physically, it is my anxiety, I was put in the working group.

I hope my assessor turns out to be as understanding as yours was Annie.

The process has really given me a strong understanding of things and I'm going to volunteer with MIND to support others going through this farce!

[Annie0904]

Let me know when you get the response from them. I hope it will be in your favour x

[purple to black]

Eek ATOS freak me out majorly. I tried to go to my appt with my cpn and couldn't get out the car so all the medicals I've had since with them have all been at home.

[flossie]

I hope my assessor turns out to be as understanding as yours was Annie.

The process has really given me a strong understanding of things and I'm going to volunteer with MIND to support others going through this farce!

Good on you for wanting to be a volunteer with MIND. I think that is a fantastic thing to do.

Well it was my assessment day today. I am sure you all understand when I say that I was really stressed, used a lot of loo paper.:) Guess what! The assessor didn't turn up and I have to go through it all again.

[Annie0904]

Aww flossie that must be awful getting all worked up over it and now having to go through it again :(

[flossie]

I will be writing a formal complaint and ask for it to be added to my notes.
I'm just not good at that kind of thing and don't know how to word it.

[Chester]

For anyone in the UK or with access to the BBC I-Player the Chief Executive of ATOS is answering questions/being interrogated on Radio 4 'You and Yours'

Will be available to listen to. Anyone not in the UK, I'd happily download it for them and share it on here so you can understand what we go through

Here's the link for the episode of You and Yours with ATOS

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01rvptx

[Chester]

Well after being told I'd be waiting for up to 8 weeks my letter came this morning, just 8 days after my assesment (so they made the decision in under a week as it was 2nd class post!)

I've against all odds of GP and Consultant expectations passed (or failed?) and been put into the Support Group.

Whilst it's not something I'm proud of, it's taken a weight off knowing bills etc can be met.

I long to get back to work but this really gives me the cushion and support to take it at my pace, it's exactly a year to the day I was signed off long term so quite ironic really!