I Think I'm Suicidal.

[footballking]

Constant health anxiety all day everyday for 3 months. I am having trouble eating, because of choking sensation, and i am generally not as hungry and feel weak. Diazepam makes me worse for some reason, I can't bare this any longer. Constant fear of heart attack, stroke, cancer etc.

I'm not on any medication, if diazepam makes me worse, what's lexapro going to do? I would probably be even more suicidal.

I just feel like I want to end it all, parents are getting tired of me, i'm getting tired of me.

I barely remember the old me. So close, something's going to push me over the edge, i can feel it. I just don't want to wait till it's too late.

I know most of you will say there is light at the end of the tunnel, but i'm in a bad mentality and feel like I'm dying, and I want to end it before something else does such as a heart attack or stroke.

It took me a lot of strength to write this, as I am usually positive, but I can't take it. Any input would be helpful.

I don't want to take lexapro because of the increased stroke risk and heart attack risk.

Thanks.

[Lilharry]

You need to make an appointment with your GP asap. Don't fight this alone - you need to trust your GP to make the decisions for you right now. Things will get better with the right care. Make an appointment right away and try not to worry what the outcome will be, just take it as it comes. If you are feeling desperate could you call some kind of crisis team or an ambulance? I'm not sure how it works over there, but you need some help. It's not your fault that you feel like this and there are people out there who can help you.

[mrsnobody]

i think you need to phone nhs direct/ out of hours doctor tonight and explain how you feel. "I Think I'm Suicidal" - if this is how you feel now and you get no where with nhs direct go to hospital tonight. That is what i would do

[footballking]

It doesn't matter. It's like I don't want to help myself.

[Carly Lou]

Snap out of this now... you need to call the samaritans i can asure you they do a bloody good job.... seriously... feeling ill all the time because of anxiety and the convincing that your dying is hell... i have exactly that... but you have really got to have a rational thought.... imagine how your parents would feel... your friends and all of us on here.... once your gone thats it... theres no turning back... you need to be really rational and think you will bloody fight this.... you havent been like it forever and you wont be like it forever... i had the most terrible health anxiety 4 years ago... i was suicidal.... planning my funeral believing i was going to die soon.... this went on and on and on and on i had test after test after test and they all came back fine.... its all ANXIETY.... i did cbt meds everything you really have to try and help yourself... we can all do our best to help you ... so please call nhs direct or the samaritans.... just talk to someone...
i dont like seeing posts about suicidal etc... :( it makes me really sad so please ring someone xxxxx
Carls xx

[ritaroo81]

footballking. :bighug1:
Please get some help. you cant do this alone. i agree that if things are really that bad then you need to talk to someone. Have you tried samaritains??? xxx

[footballking]

nobody can help me that's the problem. It's so hard to get out of a hole. I wish i was at least eating properly, then I could fight this. But I feel the weight loss is due to cancer or something.

I've tried so many things. I wish it was easier but at least the creator gave us an option, if we don't like our lives we can end them ourselves.

[ritaroo81]

Please dont talk like that :weep:

[mrsnobody]

my relative took the way out option and it total wreaked his family. He never saw how it effected the people he loved. you need help tonight. the reason you are loosing wieght is because you are not eatting- i know because i did it to myself too. i have lost seven stone in total. you think people wont help you but they will and they are trying too- starting with the people who are on here typing back to your threads.

---------- Post added at 22:45 ---------- Previous post was at 22:44 ----------

you need to get help tonight if not for yourself but for your family.

[ritaroo81]

You posted on a post that i started about being scared of dying... if this is the case how can you say that you are suicidal??? surely you would want the opposite, cause if it were me and the way my head is at the moment fearing death then there is no way that i could even contemplate what you are.. I know its hard and i know i havent got anxiety as bad as some folks on here but id rather be dealing with it and have my family and kids than not :(
Have you even consider a therapist?? or just someone you could talk to to get these feelings off your chest and out in the open. I felt 100% better after i started talking and not hiding it. xx

[footballking]

I think it get's to a point where you can't take anymore. I'm only 20, can't believe this is happening. Sorry for posting this guys, I feel guilty just writing it, but I guess i'm just being honest.

[mrsnobody]

ok so your only 20 but you have so much to live for. take the first step now. either go to the phone and dial nhs direct or go to the hospital. take it one step at a time but make the first one now by getting help

[ritaroo81]

Dont feel guilty, that's what we are here for. We can only offer our opinions and try to support you, but i think you need to get some support closer to home. xx

[footballking]

I don't have enough energy to go to the hospital. Think i'm just going to try and sleep it off and make a doctors appointment in the morning.

---------- Post added at 00:17 ---------- Previous post was at 00:14 ----------


Dont feel guilty, that's what we are here for. We can only offer our opinions and try to support you, but i think you need to get some support closer to home. xx

Thanks for the help. I guess i'm just afraid. I will message you one day when i get better! Have to get some 'suspected' moles removed on monday, which might be adding to the stress.

---------- Post added at 00:18 ---------- Previous post was at 00:17 ----------


ok so your only 20 but you have so much to live for. take the first step now. either go to the phone and dial nhs direct or go to the hospital. take it one step at a time but make the first one now by getting help

Thanks, a lot to live for, but some people are supposed to suffer. I Guess that's my hand, and i've got to play it.

[Edie]

Lexapro is a very different type of drug to diazepam. Just because the diazepam has not worked, does not mean anything about the lexapro. If you feel this awful, you can't really do any harm by giving it a go.

You won't always feel like this. You will feel better and be glad you're still alive. That day will come sooner if you seek help.

I've witnessed my parents' bereavement after the death of their son. It's a terrible, terrible pain. They will never recover. If you can't seek help for your own sake right now, please do it for your parents. They need you to stick around.

Do make that appointment in the morning. You deserve to feel better than this.

[rcs]

The reason you are talking about means i think you Know it would be a waste of a life and would possibly hurt other people very deeply.
Attempting suicide is traumatic,painful and humiliating experience and i should know, i think when you are at your lowest ebb you feel its your only escape but you have to dig deep which i am sure you have physically before and to do it mentally is an even greater effort.
I look back Know and realise it was something i had to go through to make me change drastically but it would have been so much easier if i just dug deep and had some faith in my own mental resources and i regret every day what i did but eventually i am on the road to recovery and have some hope again.
You can get support out there and on forums like this but as i am sure you are aware with depression and anxiety you find your confidence and self esteem at an all time low with insomnia, agrophobia,poor concentration, feeling of doom and unreality, these symptoms totally isolate you until you feel you are left one option. But there are others you will have to figure them out as i had to and it is not easy and might take a long time.
And lastly i don't want to scare you attempting suicide is a messy sordid experience which invariable fails because our self survival instinct kicks in and stops us and that is because deep down YOU want to live and be happy as i found out later.
If you are at an all time low it sign that big changes and effort have to made and swallowing ones pride and admitting your weaknesses accepting your faults is a start.
Its in all of us to fight back i did from the gutter as i was homeless for a while i am sure you can too.

Take care.

[chicaplatense1]

Footbalking:
I went through that a couple of years ago and went on the medication. If you feel that bad anything is better than suicide, even trying the medication. There is a chance that it might make you more suicidal but there's also a chance that it might help you. When I got on the medication it did make me feel worse and at that point I had a friend drive me to the Emergency Room. I told them I was suicidal and made sure to make it sound very serious because that way they listened to me and they kept me for 2 days in the Emergency Room and then transferred me to the Mental Hospital where they kept me for 10 days on the medication until I stabilized. I know going to the Hospital doesn't sound great, but then again, anything is better than suicide... even going to the Hospital.
I am not crazy,and I went there. There were a lot of people there who were just sad and really Depressed. It was a learning experience for me.
I came out of the Hospital and stayed on the medication for 1 year, graduated from College and worked.I am having a relapse now but it is not as bad as it was last time and I did have 2 very good years where I accomplished a lot. I just went back on the medication 4 weeks ago and I am making progress.... Remember: THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER CHOICES THAT ARE MUCH BETTER THAN SUICIDE

[footballking]

Lexapro is a very different type of drug to diazepam. Just because the diazepam has not worked, does not mean anything about the lexapro. If you feel this awful, you can't really do any harm by giving it a go.

You won't always feel like this. You will feel better and be glad you're still alive. That day will come sooner if you seek help.

I've witnessed my parents' bereavement after the death of their son. It's a terrible, terrible pain. They will never recover. If you can't seek help for your own sake right now, please do it for your parents. They need you to stick around.

Do make that appointment in the morning. You deserve to feel better than this.

It's worth a try and i'm sorry for your loss, I just hate feeling i'm going to die at every moment, and that's what makes me feel suicidal because I want to be in control.

[Edie]

It's understandable you feel out of control at the moment, because you're in a really bad way. But you won't feel this way forever. You can get help, and you can re-gain your control.

[footballking]

I've been told to take lexapro today by my GP, however I am terrified of the side effects. One of which is increased blood pressure, and i've heard bad stories. My god, it's like you can't win with medication.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Hey footballking, sorry to hear your feeling like this

With the Lexapro if you read every side effect on the label and thought you were going to get all of them then knowone would ever take they drug. They have to put these things on there by law but it doesn't mean you are going to have the side effects.

You may have no side effects at all and it may be a live saver for you. Its up to you what you do but if you are feeling this low then the anti depressants are worth a try. I was the same as you and I was scared to taken them and it was only when I got so low that I saw no other option that I started taking them. It took a while for me to get used to them but in the end I did settle down and they helped me feel better. So if you feel stuck then it is worth a try.

Think positive and I hope it all works out well for you.

[footballking]

Hey footballking, sorry to hear your feeling like this

With the Lexapro if you read every side effect on the label and thought you were going to get all of them then knowone would ever take they drug. They have to put these things on there by law but it doesn't mean you are going to have the side effects.

You may have no side effects at all and it may be a live saver for you. Its up to you what you do but if you are feeling this low then the anti depressants are worth a try. I was the same as you and I was scared to taken them and it was only when I got so low that I saw no other option that I started taking them. It took a while for me to get used to them but in the end I did settle down and they helped me feel better. So if you feel stuck then it is worth a try.

Think positive and I hope it all works out well for you.

I read that it causes high blood pressure resulting in bleeding in the brain, which just ****s me up even more. I think I already have high blood pressure because of anxiety, so might just mess me up even more.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

It is probably extremely unlikely to do anything like that though. Why don't you ask your doctor about your worries of it increasing your blood pressure? There are many other anti depressants you could try instead if you would feel more comfortable with a different one.

[footballking]

I did, she just shrugged it off as being an anxious thought.

[littleme92]

Hi, sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. I had a bad spell with depression last year where I felt very similar to the way you are feeling now. It might not feel like it now but it will get better!

I think you should take the antidepressants. If the doctor thought that it would cause you any harm they wouldn't have proscribed them in the first place!

At my doctors surgery there is a blood pressure machine in the waiting room where you can check it yourself. I don't know if there is one at yours but it might help to put your mind at rest because you will probably find your blood pressure is fine!

I was convinced I had high blood pressure when it turned out my blood pressure was fine!

[footballking]

Hi, sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. I had a bad spell with depression last year where I felt very similar to the way you are feeling now. It might not feel like it now but it will get better!

I think you should take the antidepressants. If the doctor thought that it would cause you any harm they wouldn't have proscribed them in the first place!

At my doctors surgery there is a blood pressure machine in the waiting room where you can check it yourself. I don't know if there is one at yours but it might help to put your mind at rest because you will probably find your blood pressure is fine!

I was convinced I had high blood pressure when it turned out my blood pressure was fine!

My blood pressure is high, I can't take them. It's not physically possible. I don't have a doctor in my house, if something happens.

[inCOGnito]

Sorry to hear how you're feeling FK. It's normal to be so fed up you want it to go away.

No matter how bad we *think* it is we always cope.

This too shall pass

[footballking]

I want to take the medication, but i don't want the potential of blood clots and so on.