chicaplatense1
13-04-13, 18:12
Hello everyone,
I need to get this out of my chest. Please don’t judge me as I already feel so low.
This relapse of panic was triggered by my feelings of guilt. After having several years of marital problems I cheated on my husband. I had been faithful for 16 years and now that we were having financial problems he was encouraging me to go out with rich men for money. I never did until he said to me “we only have $87 in the bank. I don’t know how else to pay the bills!!! Just go!!”.
To make a long story short I went out with this rich guy that had hired me to work a modeling event in the past and had been calling me to go out and telling me that he would pay me to go out with him. I ended up running from the guy that night. I wanted to have nothing to do with him even though he offered me money to supposedly marry him. My husband was sending me messages to “get cozy” with the guy and “work it”. I was upset and scared.
I had been talking to another man and telling him what was happenign to me as I felt so lonely. The guy asked me not to go out with the rich guy. He told me to call him if did go and felt unsafe. I started having feelings for this man. When I run from the rich guy and got home my husband told me I should have taken the offer because he could no longer maintain me. He pushed me away.
I found refuge on the other man who I had feelings for. I messed up and ended up having sex with the guy. The intimacy felt special at the time.
After a few days my husband took back everything he had said and told me that he was just having a low day and that it would really hurt him if I ever had sex with someone else. I thought he didn’t care for me anymore and I freaked out and realized my mistake. I confessed. He was upset and hurt. For a month he would tell me one day that he forgave me and the next day he would say that he wanted to leave me and take the house and the kids from me. It was a roller coaster. I still had feelings for the other guy but completely cut contact with him about a month after the fact.
Guilt started setting in, bringing on Panic/Anxiety/Depression and suicidal thoughts. I started taking Anti-Depressants. I cannot shake the guilt and the low feelings. I feel heart broken, even now that my husband seems to be doing ok. I have a really hard time getting up in the mornings and having desire to do anything. I feel lower than dirt and that I can never forgive myself.
Has anyone gone through a similar experience? How did you overcome your feelings of guilt?
Additionally, going out with the rich guy was traumatizing to me. I was grossed out by the guy and had to push him away. Sometimes I have Panicky feelings when I remember him.
I need to get this out of my chest. Please don’t judge me as I already feel so low.
This relapse of panic was triggered by my feelings of guilt. After having several years of marital problems I cheated on my husband. I had been faithful for 16 years and now that we were having financial problems he was encouraging me to go out with rich men for money. I never did until he said to me “we only have $87 in the bank. I don’t know how else to pay the bills!!! Just go!!”.
To make a long story short I went out with this rich guy that had hired me to work a modeling event in the past and had been calling me to go out and telling me that he would pay me to go out with him. I ended up running from the guy that night. I wanted to have nothing to do with him even though he offered me money to supposedly marry him. My husband was sending me messages to “get cozy” with the guy and “work it”. I was upset and scared.
I had been talking to another man and telling him what was happenign to me as I felt so lonely. The guy asked me not to go out with the rich guy. He told me to call him if did go and felt unsafe. I started having feelings for this man. When I run from the rich guy and got home my husband told me I should have taken the offer because he could no longer maintain me. He pushed me away.
I found refuge on the other man who I had feelings for. I messed up and ended up having sex with the guy. The intimacy felt special at the time.
After a few days my husband took back everything he had said and told me that he was just having a low day and that it would really hurt him if I ever had sex with someone else. I thought he didn’t care for me anymore and I freaked out and realized my mistake. I confessed. He was upset and hurt. For a month he would tell me one day that he forgave me and the next day he would say that he wanted to leave me and take the house and the kids from me. It was a roller coaster. I still had feelings for the other guy but completely cut contact with him about a month after the fact.
Guilt started setting in, bringing on Panic/Anxiety/Depression and suicidal thoughts. I started taking Anti-Depressants. I cannot shake the guilt and the low feelings. I feel heart broken, even now that my husband seems to be doing ok. I have a really hard time getting up in the mornings and having desire to do anything. I feel lower than dirt and that I can never forgive myself.
Has anyone gone through a similar experience? How did you overcome your feelings of guilt?
Additionally, going out with the rich guy was traumatizing to me. I was grossed out by the guy and had to push him away. Sometimes I have Panicky feelings when I remember him.