steveo
14-04-13, 18:24
Hi guys.
Not sure if people have been following my posts on here but in short, came off Citalopram after many many happy anxiety free years, came off very slowly, took last tablet in October 2012, mood deteriorated badly, January 2013 - BOOM - breakdown out of nowhere, had to move back in with my dad, can't seem to successfully get myself back on medication.
I'm now worse than I ever have been in my entire life. Constant anxiety, fatigue, very bad DP/DR and very agoraphobic for the first time in my life too.
I'm a photographer and I've had a wedding booked for a year to photography on 27th April. I expected to be back to my normal self by now but this doesn't seem to be leaving me in any hurry, especially as medication isn't getting back into my system successfully.
Last week I felt kind of good and really thought I was slowly getting better. Since last Monday however, I've been on a huge decline once again, bed bound, crying uncontrollably for hours each day, panic attacks, no sleep, vivid dreams when I do sleep. Feel like I'm back to square one again.
Basically I haven't told the bride that I don't think I'm able to do the wedding. I want to do the wedding as I'm self employed and haven't made a single penny since last December but also because it's good for my portfolio. A year ago I was alot cheaper than I am now and as it's a girl I went to uni with I said I'd do it for cheap.
I asked another wedding photographer I know if he's free that date and he is, but says he won't shoot it for my price and wants at least double, paid in cash.
The wedding is up in Cardiff and I've moved back to Cornwall. It's stressing me out having to think about it. In this state now, there is no chance I can do the wedding unless I was heavily doped up on Diazepam. A wedding day for a photographer is just as stressful than for anyone else!!
I don't know what to do. It's 2 weeks away. Maybe I'll be ok by then? Or am I cutting it too fine to be changing photographer etc??
Help!
:(
Thanks
Steven
Not sure if people have been following my posts on here but in short, came off Citalopram after many many happy anxiety free years, came off very slowly, took last tablet in October 2012, mood deteriorated badly, January 2013 - BOOM - breakdown out of nowhere, had to move back in with my dad, can't seem to successfully get myself back on medication.
I'm now worse than I ever have been in my entire life. Constant anxiety, fatigue, very bad DP/DR and very agoraphobic for the first time in my life too.
I'm a photographer and I've had a wedding booked for a year to photography on 27th April. I expected to be back to my normal self by now but this doesn't seem to be leaving me in any hurry, especially as medication isn't getting back into my system successfully.
Last week I felt kind of good and really thought I was slowly getting better. Since last Monday however, I've been on a huge decline once again, bed bound, crying uncontrollably for hours each day, panic attacks, no sleep, vivid dreams when I do sleep. Feel like I'm back to square one again.
Basically I haven't told the bride that I don't think I'm able to do the wedding. I want to do the wedding as I'm self employed and haven't made a single penny since last December but also because it's good for my portfolio. A year ago I was alot cheaper than I am now and as it's a girl I went to uni with I said I'd do it for cheap.
I asked another wedding photographer I know if he's free that date and he is, but says he won't shoot it for my price and wants at least double, paid in cash.
The wedding is up in Cardiff and I've moved back to Cornwall. It's stressing me out having to think about it. In this state now, there is no chance I can do the wedding unless I was heavily doped up on Diazepam. A wedding day for a photographer is just as stressful than for anyone else!!
I don't know what to do. It's 2 weeks away. Maybe I'll be ok by then? Or am I cutting it too fine to be changing photographer etc??
Help!
:(
Thanks
Steven