I can't think of an appropriate title for this thread as I am not an attention seeker [Archive]

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ricardo

14-04-13, 19:28

6 days to go until we start the long tiresome journey back to the UK and those who have followed my thread this is going to be a real ordeal for so many reasons.

My daughter is no better, my wife has to drive 1000 kilometres then 24 hours on a boat and then a further 150 miles.We are allowing 3 days and some say I am strong but i am wilting under the stress on a daily basis.
I am agoraphobic, have GAD,OCD and HA and even my own doctor has given up on me and doesn't answer my calls as I need a booster to curb the constant anxiety which is really having a dramatic effect on me.
We have to put 2 of our loveable dogs down as well, my wife had her passport stolen and had to get an emergency travel document from the British Consulate who were by no means helpful.
Those who know me on here say I am strong but as the days get nearer it is even an effort to write this post.
Every muscle in my body is tense,i am bloated and that has had an effect on my bowels, I am hyperventilating 24/7 and there is so much to arrange and though you may say it is a challenge to return home after 12 years I need the strength now for my wife and daughter.
Quite frankly I am lost for words and despite taking Alprazolam and Propranol (which i have been on for a few years) nothing is helping and for the past few months wake up at 4.00 a.m. trembling,sweating and having an increased heart rate.
I know none of you can help but I just needed to put this into writing. I am half the man I was and quite frankly no one understands what I am going through including my wife.She can see my suffering but what can she really do, as she has to stay strong for our daughter and me and herself.

flossie

14-04-13, 20:00

I haven't any words that will help you Ricardo but I just want to wish you well. I didn't get the chance last night during the quiz.
I am so sorry about the dogs. That is a tough thing to do and you must all be hurting.
If writing it all down helps you then you keep on doing it, that is what we are all here for. :bighug1:

mrsnobody

14-04-13, 20:41

i wish you and your family well through this really stressful time. if it helps write all your feelings thoughts on here, there better out then in. its good to talk.

theharvestmouse

14-04-13, 22:15

Can only hope things get better for you, best of luck with the journey.

hanj16

14-04-13, 22:42

Hi Ricardo,

I'm so sorry to hear how tough a time you are having right now. Just know that people on here are thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Like Flossie says, if writing helps you then keep on writing.

All the Best
Hannah :bighug1:

katyjohnstone

14-04-13, 22:53

thinking of you and your family as you prepare for your long trip home hope all goes well

frosty2901

14-04-13, 23:25

oh riardo sorry to hear you are suffering so bad ay the moment and your daughter is not better all you can do is stay as positive as you can and once it is all over you will be able to look back on it and say wow what a bad time but we got through it
frosty x:hugs:

nomorepanic

14-04-13, 23:56

Hi Ricardo

I just wanted to say that when we have to we can somehow find the strength to do things that we never imagined we could.

You will find the inner strength to do this and then you can be back in the UK and get settled again and get help for your daughter.

I am sending you loads of love and positive thoughts xxx

nicola1980

15-04-13, 01:29

Just wanted to wish you and your family well on your move back to the UK, i know how hard just must be for you, stay strong, good luck x x

Edie

15-04-13, 01:33

I wish you luck with the difficult journey home. I'm sorry it's so hard.

Lilharry

15-04-13, 02:14

Loads of positive thoughts your way. It sounds like an incredibly stressful time for you right now. All I can say is that even though this may be one of the hardest things you've ever done, you will do it and you will survive. And when you get back, find yourself a good doctor who listens - you don't need a doctor who's going to treat you like that.

little wren

15-04-13, 07:36

Hi Ricardo
I hope your doctor has given you something for the journey - to help take the edge of it. Remember that journey back to the UK will not go on forever - it will end. I wish I could say something more reassuring to you but like the rest of the people here just wishing you lots of positive thoughts.

bernie1977

15-04-13, 09:37

Ricardo, I can't imagine what you're going through, as an housebound agoraphobic I understand the fear you must be feeling.

There will be an end to this. You will have another safe place when you reach the end of your journey.

Good luck and I honestly wish there was something I could say to take thse bad feeling away.

ricardo

15-04-13, 11:41

Thank you all for your kind words but to be honest I am struggling.

panickyme

15-04-13, 12:02

Awww Ricardo, I feel so bad you are going through all of this. If anxiety isn't bad enough, anticipatory anxiety is even worse. The fear of the unknown. Somehow we do manage to get through it all, but it is not easy. (and you will get through this) Soon this will be all behind you, and you will be telling us all about your trip. I wish I had an answer for us. Sending you many hugs, and hoping everything goes well for you. :hugs:

ricardo

16-04-13, 14:03

clio51

16-04-13, 15:56

Hi Ricardo,

Just to say hope you and your family have a stress free and safe journey back to the UK,and hope it's the quickest 3 days in your life!
Do you have anything to take ie diazepam? I know you will have a lot to do once you get home,but just one thing at a time so not to get you too stressed out.

As regards your doctor do you think he's referring to your GA, and perhaps he doesn't know as much as you do about it. ?

Will be thinking of you on Fri? On your journey. X

Jamesk

16-04-13, 15:59

Hello

Having asked numerous times for my private GP to give me his report after treating me for nearly ten years, which I need when we leave the country in a few days time, I finally got it and he said to me that he was sorry that he wasn't intelligent enough for me.

I wasn't quite sure what he meant.We have always got on well, he has tried refering me to various experts in the field of GA etc, prescribed various anti biotics but I wasn't quite sure how to read into what he said.

Could it have been a language thing????

Edit - I hope you have as stress free a trip home as is possible.

Might he have been trying to say he was sorry he wasn;t able to help you and "cure" you and it just came out funny?

ricardo

16-04-13, 18:17

Thanks clio and Jamesk.

Clio yes I have something much stronger than diazepam, Alprazolam but still extremely nervous and jamesk my GP is English and you are probably right,I most probably read too much into it.

Snoodlester

16-04-13, 19:11

Hi Ricardo
Good luck with the journey - that's a huge undertaking. I suffer from travel anxiety and now avoid all forms of travel unless it's in a car where I trust the driver. Just think, you only have to do this once, and try and focus on the positives - picture yourself in a few days time, and how happy you'll be that you've done it.
All the best to you and your family, Sue x

dally

16-04-13, 19:17

Ricardo,
All of us on here totally understand the agoraphobia and anxiety you must b suffering on a daily basis. We can only imagine what you must be going through as a parent, and the frustration of not being able to help your sick child.(no matter what age they are). It is heartbreaking.
For most of us we know the 'terror' of travelling just a small distance from 'home'. So your journey to the UK, must seem impossible to you right now!

The only comfort I can give you is
That it will 'only' be 3 days travelling
You have sedation to help you during the journey.
Your wife is 'able' and is dealing with the move
Your daughter will hopefully get re assessed regarding her condition when she is back in the UK and I pray she gets a proper diagnosis and treatment.

Take heart that All of us at one time or another have faced things that we have thought we could NEVER do. Usually when we had no choice. And we have done them. Many, many stories on here, of achievements with disbelief, but still successful, when we have been forced, with no other option.

YOU will be OK!!! Hopefully you will sail through it, with the help of sedation and breathing techniques. The anticipation IS Much worse that any of the trials we have faced. Look forward to being home in the UK. Try to prioritise what you 'need' to concern yourself with on a daily basis. it was so sad about your oets, but there will be time to mourn them later when your immediate concerns are out of the way.
All if us on here are wishing you well, and sending you positive thoughts
Take care xx

flossie

16-04-13, 19:35

Maybe your GP meant that he didn't have the knowledge to help you better.