Is this "anxiety" or is it just personality?

[cherrylite]

Hi i’m new to this forum and haven’t been diagnosed with anxiety but was wondering if I have it? Something is definately wrong with me and it would be nice to give it a label and find some help.

I’ve always been a sensitive type, and was a very shy child. I’m 34 now and feel like i’ve mostly grown out of the shyness but I find it very hard to get close to people in some respects. I would love a relationship but never can seem to meet mr right as guys I click with don’t seem to want to know. I am getting myself out there all the time, but on the inside I have always had low self esteem and constantly compare myself to others. Everyone else seems to be able to get a relationship, a mortgage, kids etc but I have barely had a boyfriend my whole life and I’m embarrased about that. I live in a houseshare which really stresses me out as the noiseis constant and because some housemates are quite inconsiderate. However the thought of moving out on my own terrifies me as i’ve done it before and felt I was going nuts spending so much time on my own.

I have a good circle of friends and make friends easily, but since I was 18 I’ve moved around a lot so they aren’t all in once place but around the world. My family too is scattered across the globe, so nowhere feels like home.

I find it hard to concentrate at work, and I frequently find it hard to sleep. The slightest niggle will stop me relaxing. I find myself getting irratable at such small things and so it makes some matters worse. I basically feel like i’m going around in circles in my life, unable to make important decisions or move my life forward. When I have a drink or 2 things feel much brigher and in perspective, but I don’t have a drinking problem. Hangovers make me feel very depressed so that puts me off drinking.

If I explain some of the above to my GP is there a chance I can get a prescription for valium or something else to help me sleep and calm me down? I would really appreciate anyones thoughts and opinions.

[Lilharry]

Hi and welcome cherrylite!

It sounds to me like you have self confidence issues and maybe a bit of anxiety and depression. It doesn't sound too major, so now would be a great time to start work on it. I would highly recommend CBT or counseling rather than getting a prescription from the doctor. A prescription might make you feel better, but it's not going to address the problem, then you have added difficulty of getting off the prescription in the future whihc can trigger anxiety, depression and sleeplessness. In fact going on prescription medication can trigger these things too. I went to the doctor about some minor anxiety problems and got a prescription, then a week later I was in hospital with teh worst panic attack I'd ever experienced and things went downhill from there. I"m not trying to scare you off, but I think counseling and CBT would be the best bet for you in the first instance. Also, have a look at this online course for self confidence - it might help too http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47

[StaffordEd]

Hi Cherrylite and welcome

I agree with Lilharry I think from what you describe you are valuing your esteem too low and it is having severe repercussions .
Cognitive behavoral therapy may be a good start. Pills tend to mask the underlying condition. Its the thought process that needs changing. Pills alone will not change how you think it just kills the pain of your negativity.

This is a extract from Wikipedia,

Cognitive therapy (CT) is a type of psychotherapy developed by American psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck. CT is one of the therapeutic approaches within the larger group of cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT) and was first expounded by Beck in the 1960s. Cognitive therapy seeks to help the patient overcome difficulties by identifying and changing dysfunctional thinking, behavior, and emotional responses. This involves helping patients develop skills for modifying beliefs, identifying distorted thinking, relating to others in different ways, and changing behaviors.[1] Treatment is based on collaboration between patient and therapist and on testing beliefs. Therapy may consist of testing the assumptions which one makes and identifying how certain of one's usually unquestioned thoughts are distorted, unrealistic and unhelpful. Once those thoughts have been challenged, one's feelings about the subject matter of those thoughts are more easily subject to change. Beck initially focused on depression and developed a list of "errors" in thinking that he proposed could maintain depression, including arbitrary inference, selective abstraction, over-generalization, and magnification (of negatives) and minimization (of positives).
An example of how CT works is this: having made a mistake at work, a man may believe, "I'm useless and can't do anything right at work." Strongly believing this then tends to worsen his mood. The problem may be worsened further if the individual reacts by avoiding activities and then behaviorally confirming the negative belief to himself. As a result, any adaptive response and further constructive consequences become unlikely, which reinforces the original belief of being "useless." In therapy, this example could be identified as a self-fulfilling prophecy or "problem cycle," and the efforts of the therapist and client would be directed at working together to change it. This is done by addressing the way the client thinks and behaves in response to similar situations and by developing more flexible ways to think and respond, including reducing the avoidance of activities and the practicing of positive activities (called Mood repair strategies). If, as a result, the patient escapes the negative thought patterns and dysfunctional behaviors, the negative feelings may be relieved over time.

Hope this helps

Be positive there is light at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel may not be as long as you think..

Best wishes

Ed