Dealing with anxiety and looking for support

[cloudyday]

Hi everyone. I stumbled across this forum today whole googling an anxiety issue. Reading another member's thread about it and seeing so many people who experienced the same thing really helped me feel a lot better and a lot less worried. I've been without a good support system for my anxiety from people who understand, so I thought this might be a good place for me.

I am a constant worrier. I always worry about the worst-case scenarios, and the worry eats me up inside, and I am just tired of feeling like that. I tried hypnotherapy a few years ago and it helped and gave me some good coping mechanisms, and I've been very slowly working on getting my anxiety more under control with a little success. I think being around people who understand is something that could help me make more progress.

I worry about people being upset with me. I worry about not doing a good job at work. My job requires me to put myself out there on the web and build a public face to get clients, and I worry about people I don't even know talking poorly of me behind my back. I worry that my friends secretly find me irritating.

I also have a lot of health anxiety. I meticulously keep track of whenever I take any medication, because if I don't, I start worrying I already took some earlier and forgot about it and will OD. I hate taking medication in general because it gives me so much anxiety.

I'm always afraid anything that feels remotely wrong with me means something is horribly wrong. If I ever accidentally bump my head, I spend the rest of the night afraid to go to sleep, because I'm worried I might have a hematoma and die in my sleep.

I get embarrassed talking about these things, because I know they're silly and paranoid. I try to tell myself I am being irrational, but sometimes it's really hard to get the worry under control.

It's gotten a little bit worse as of late because I'm having surgery in a few weeks that will require me to be under general anesthesia. I am terrified of general anesthesia because I'm afraid I won't wake up. I'm having a very safe arthroscopic surgery on my hip, and I know, rationally, everything should be just fine. I have an excellent surgeon, I've been under 5 times before, but I'm still stressed out about it. I've been having trouble sleeping, because it's started bringing up this strong fear of unconsciousness. As soon as I feel myself drifting off to sleep, I jolt awake out of fear.

I've had to be on painkillers for a while now due to the problem I'm having fixed, and it took me a long time to even get comfortable taking those. I still keep careful track of when I take them, only take one at a time ad stress if I overlap the dosages at all (despite the dosage being 1-2). And of course because depressed respiration is a side effect, I worry that I'm going to stop breathing in my sleep, even though logically, I know I'd probably have to take a lot for that to happen.

I'm embarrassed talking to my husband/family about these issues because I feel like, even though they're very supportive, they still don't really understand and think I'm being overly paranoid.

I just want to stop worrying so much and be able to enjoy my life. It frustrates me so much. I have so many things to enjoy and be grateful for in life and I feel like all this worry is preventing me from doing that.

Thank you guys for reading.

[StaffordEd]

Hi cloudyday

Welcome to the site.

Hopefully your life will soon be full of sunnier days.

You clearly are troubled with a very low self esteem and that is very sad. Well take a look at this site and you will be amazed at how many people there are who are experiencing a wide range of anxieties like your self.

I only found the site a few days ago and just reading through has given me hope. I am 58 have a happy work and home life but started with panic attacks just before Christmas 2012. The first came completely out of the blue. I had been to work and had a good day I called at the gym on the way home. Arrived home fresh had a glass of wine whilst waiting for my evening meal then Wham bam!!! My world was turned upside down. I was in another place heart pounding gasping for air lost my reasoning and wondered the house like a zombie. This freaked my wife. After a while normality resumed. I had a second attack January this year and went to doctors. My blood pressure is much higher that I am used to. I am now going through the process i.e blood tests ECG to eliminate any other medical condition.

Whilst waiting I keep having these bad turns.

I have said this to others, you may think you are losing your mind when in fact all that has happened is that you have only lost control of it. Your mind has escaped your control and is on the rampage. With help you will be able to regain that vital control. Your mind is looking for things that are not there and it is trying to resolve issues that do not exist.

Have you heard of Cognitive behavioral therapy It may be an alternative to drugs.

Drugs alone tend to mask the symptoms where as CBT addresses them.

Just remember you are not alone and there is no stigma in talking about it

You will get there

Best wishes

Ed ( U.K.)

[ChristopherT]

hey sorry to hear you are worrying so much, but it's comforting to know there are other people with similar problems on here, that you can relate to, learn from, or even be inspired by.

I was the same as you, but being a guy I guess I thought I should do it myself. But I really think it's better to be able to come to a site like this. I've never in my life needed to until now.