I feel so alone right now and no-one understands me

[trawetslehcar]

Since being bullied at school, I have experienced anxiety throughout my teenage years. I am 18 now, by the way. I've never been able to make friends and go out like other people my age, and school and college has been very lonely for me. I feel controlled by others, and I feel like I don't know myself because I am so used to pleasing others and being too afraid to be myself and say what I think because I fear others will dissapprove of me. I have come accross nice people out there who'd I'd like to be friends with, but I'm too scared to talk to them so I'll cut myself off from social situations. When I try to talk to people, I get panic attacks where I have to escape the situation. So people think I'm weird. I've cut most of my friends because I feel they don't like me and I'm too anxious to see them (these are friends I made before experiencing anxiety). Things have got to the point where I'm feeling very depressed and not leaving the house, and having no pleasure in anything. I feel constantly low in mood. I feel safe in the house. Even when I go out, I feel people are staring at me and talking about me and laughing at me. I feel so self-conscious. Some days I can't even leave my bed. My community mental health nurse said to me yesterday that I am always going to feel anxious. That has really upset and worried me.
I want to be able to make new friends, but I feel I can't. And I want to end or at least reduce my anxiety, because when I was going out before every day was a hell.

I want this anxiety and depression and suffering to end, or I don't see the point in living. Surely death must be better than this.

[chloe83]

Hi this is excatly how ive been feeling!its a horrible thng to have!its got to the point where i dont leave my house,can u talk to your mum bout it?c if that will help

[trawetslehcar]

It feels great to know that someone else out there feels the same as me :) because it's horrible when no-one understands. I feel so alone. And yes, I have tried talking to my mum. But I feel she doesn't understand, and snaps at me and tells me the only thing that's going to help me is treatment. She's really stressed at the moment. I just wish she would let me talk to her.

[chloe83]

It awful when no one understand how ur feelin or what ur goin threw feel like u all on your own!ive started to take anti depressant again to c if it will help!it must b hard for u as ur only 18,

[trawetslehcar]

I have tried Citalopram which made no difference whatsoever, but my mum reckons I was more tired and not much of an appetite when I was on it. What are you on and are they any good? And yeah, I've been experiencing anxiety all my teenage years.

[chloe83]

how lng did u take them? f m on fluxotinr i thnk they r good and do help alot,i did stop taken them as i thought didnt need them any mre,did u stop taken urs straight away

[trawetslehcar]

In what way do your tablets make a difference? I've been on Citalopram for 2 months and I'm gradually coming off it now.

[chloe83]

I took them for 5 years which really helped,i didnt get depressed as mch,i felt happy,anxiety n panic attacks went away,i stil got my odd down day bt i stopped taken then for 7months which i regret doing as my depression has come back bad n i bever leave the house now,it my fourth day back on fluoxtune n feelin ok at the minute!mayb the anti depressant that you took did not agree with you

[courtney mullane]

i have experianced this before,but be reasured it does NOT last forever at the moment i am still going through derpresion but have managed to go out of the house and not feel so worried.some things i felt helpful was taking little steps going out of the house for 5 minuets for a walk with my mother,it cn be anyone that you fee safe with,after my time outside the house gradually increased i was invited to a bbq,this was a big step for me and i did have a break down even though my confidence had improved,so at this time my mother was like my rock,i decided it would be best for me to go but i didnt have anything to wear my confidence wa not strong enough for me to go to a shop so i orderd a nice maxi dress offline.after i went to the bbq i felt reasured and a bit silly that i was worrying about it.so dont worry honestly you WILL get through it with the right support were going through this together!

[chloe83]

HI courtney nice to here frm ppl that bren goin threw same thng,it really g that u manage go to a bbq n u ur mum to support u x

[crumble]

Hi,

Can I just say that your communtiy mental health nurse is wrong, very wrong. There is no reason that you will always feel anxious, and no reason that you can't start to feel better with a bit of practise and determination.

I recommend that you see your doctor and discuss your symptoms, and ask for a course of CBT, or even look it up online and see what you can find. You'll see that how exposing yourself gradually to situations that cause you anxiety can eventually (not immdiately!) help your symptoms of anxiety to fade away. I'm not saying they'll be gone for good. But things will start to get better.

In my experience, it's all about experiences. I'm terribly anxious about unknown things or things that I've had little exposure to, I'll avoid them at all costs. I've learnt that they're not as bad as you expect, and that the early experiences help however much they may uncomfortable.

I was also bullied at school. That's over 20 years ago now, and I won't allow the foolishness of children from 20 years ago affect me now. :)

Good luck, and make the most of things that life gives you :)

[PinkRoxy]

Im really sorry to hear you have been feeling like this. Is there any other medication you have tried such as anti anxiety medication.
Antidepressents work differently on everyone. Citalopram might not have been right for you and you might've needed to try another one. I have just been taken off citalopram well I have to wean myself off it at the moment which makes my mood awful and I am going to start fluoxetine as its good for both anxiety and depression.

Another thing I recommend is some counselling as that often helps too and to have someone to talk to that knows what they are doing can help you overcome it.

Most high school kids are awful and they are known for their bullying I am sorry you had to go through that experience as I remember going through it myself.

I had bad social anxiety to the point I had no friends when leaving school and I understand how hard it is to build up the courage to ask someone to do something together.

I hope you feel better soon and I think you should go to your GP and have talk about how you are feeling and find out what medication would be beneficial for you and also sort out some counselling. Its harder talking to your mum because it is very personal and her seeing you like this she will be hurting too because she loves you so much, which is why it would be better to talk to your GP.

All the best :)