Suddenly feel like I'm going mad

[unhappysoul]

Not sure where to begin really. In the past I've occasionally gone through odd periods of anxiety, nothing that I couldn't get on top of with time and Kalms or Rescue Remedy. However I now feel like I've been hit by a sledgehammer and that I'm going mad.

Don't know if a little background information will help. Happily married for the last 16 years with 2 children and work as a health professional in the NHs. When I was 15 mum died very suddenly, very unexpectedly. I went through the worst time of my life for about 18 months following this' and since then when I have periods of worry or stress I remind myself that I can never feel as bad as that.

Fast forward 25years and I now seem to have suddenly hit rock bottom. I occasionally suffer from irrational anxiety relating to the wellbeing of my family, is if they are late back I start imagagining all sorts of bad things have happened, this is usually resolved quickly when they return safe and well. Now almost in a day I feel crippled with anxiety, can't eat, keep running to the toilet' suffering from the shakes, sleep disturbances and keep bursting into tears. I think the totally irrational trigger to this is due to my elderly cat. Mad I know, I've had the worst happen in my life and dealt with that and now I'm dealing with a sick elderly cat who I know is reaching the end I feel I can't cope.

I was supposed to be at work today but felt so crippled last I knew I wouldn't be able to cope or provide effective care for my patients. I am never of sick from work and have never felt so crippled with anxiety before.

My husband is worried about my sudden melt down and begged me to call the doctor to see them. I called and true only appointment available is with a doctor I really don't feel comfortable with, so chose not to take the appointment. Plus I'm not really sure it's a valrid reason to see the GP. I started talking Kalms a fee days ago but don't feel any better, is there anything else available over the counter that I can get. Sorry for the ramble, just feel so overwhelmed the moment.
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[crazymeds]

Oh bless you. You're not going mad, honestly. The fact that you are worrying about it means that you just have anxiety, not psychosis or anything like that.

I am in exactly the same position. The absolutely best thing to do is to make an appointment with a doctor that you feel comfortable with. Do not feel ashamed or worried, honestly.

Kalms etc work up to a point, but sometimes it's better to ask for a low dose of an antidepressant, plus some talking therapy. You will feel so much better.

According to my GP this type of anxiety is very common and can be treated. Take some time off work (a stomach flu bug is always a good one to say!).

Go and see your doctor today or tomorrow. One of my close relatives is a GP and he says that a good HALF of his patients present this type of anxiety.

You're not going mad, you're a good mum and you will get back to normal.

Let me know what the doctor says, we can support each other!

Many hugs
Crazymeds (mum of two and part time marketing manager, UK)

[unhappysoul]

Crazy meds thanks for your post, I cried reading it, just to hear words from someone understanding helps.

Feeling slightly better having spent the morning in bed doing nothing, usually I'm dashing around cleaning and tidying, so it's helped to do nothing. Think my youngest child has picked up on my anxiety. She came into bed last night saying she'd had a nightmare and she's not done that for months.

No Dr's appointments until next week now so I'm going to get some rescue remedy later on and see if that helps with things over the weekend.

Thanks again for your words.

[crazymeds]

Let me know how you get on.

I feel guilty sometimes as I'm sure my 2 yr old picks up when I feel really anxious, and I don't want it to affect him, or make him feel uncertain. But perhaps they don't notice? I suppose we're just "mummy" and as long as I'm not actually leaning on the cooker sobbing into a gin and tonic, they probably don't think about it.

It's horrible isn't it? Especially when you have to pretend that everything is normal and ticketyboo. When I'm bad, I madly tidy and Hoover - I think as it makes me feel in control. And I'm constantly going over and over in my head of everything I've got to do, in the house, with the kids, and at work.

I'm on diazepam at the moment, just a tiny dose, until I change over my antidepressants to something that works.

Anyway many hugs, it helps me too to talk about it as my husband gets so worried about me I can't really discuss it with him, also he's a down to earth farmer and is inherently suspicious about tablets and "brain stuff". :)

Keep in touch!

[unhappysoul]

Crazymeds, so glad you're online, feel already that someone understands. Feel calmer tonight but confused. Had made up my mind that I needed to take my cat in to the vet and have him put to sleep, but my husband has talked me out of that decision. Makes it even harder to decide when the time is right. My husband like your husband comes from a farming background and perhaps doesn't have the same emotional attachment that I do when it comes to the cat, he sees it from a practical point of view. The cats not in pain, he's eating and drinking, albeit he's more lethargic and not eating, but his view is, is there any hurry for this to happen. My view is the emotional distress I'm feeling, how selfish is that and also the expense of all the vets bills.

I think you sound amazingly strong, these episodes that I go through are only about every 2 years and I do get through them, although I suffer trying to reason my thoughts out at the time I do return to relative calmness after these episodes. Your life sounds so busy and you sound like you're doing an amazing job.

Big hugs and massive respect to you.

xx

[hopey]

Hello. really sorry you feel you are at rock bottom. I think it is very difficult
for people to understand how you feel when they have never been "there".
Do hope you get some good info from this site.
I have had a few bad days this week, but am on "Flouxetine" and my
body has not adjusted yet, but I am very hopeful it will soon change.
Best of luck to you. from hopey.