Why do we torture ourselves?

[Button1]

Hi guys,

I've been doing pretty ok recently and today was shocked to find I feel healthy and HAPPY! I haven't been happy for...well months at least. So what do I do? Log on to cancer websites and then a blog of a woman 2 years younger than me (I'm 31) who has developed brain and kidney tumours after having bowel cancer. Now I've got aches and pains and feel so down.


Why? Why do I do it?


Sigh, sorry for ranting...


Xxx

[Apple81]

I know what you mean. I do the same. I think we have to have all of the 'what if' scenarios going through our heads constantly.

[Mark13]

We do it because we're so used to feeling bad we freak out if we don't and the subconscious just wants to return to the equilibrium it's used to. So we sabotage ourselves.

I do it myself ;(

[unsure_about_this]

I been like this for months. I should really get off these sites and listen to the doctors. It making me anxious I am frighten about my symptoms I worry about everything about my body. I used to be very happy. Life is going by too quickly.

Doctors have not found anything wrong, but I am scared that something has been missed. Parents are probably fed up with my complaining about everything.

I am scared of dying I am frighten about cancer and things like that.

[Apple81]

I am scared of exactly the same things. I know how you feel x

[cattia]

Yep. I do this too, as soon as I start to feel a bit better it's like a part of me is saying 'hang on a minute, we can't have this, we don't want to let go of xyz fear just in case....' and then off we go again, back to square one. It's pretty annoying. My theory is that when we are feeling really bad we can tell ourselves that we MUST NOT GOOGLE but when we're starting to feel a bit better sometimes we can kid ourselves into a false sense of security, telling ourselves 'well, my anxiety is much better so really I'm just doing this out of curiosity...'

[tracieann]

hi its nice to join you i am exactly the same as you cant resist checking something out just to prove your ok then if the symptoms are in anyway similar to yours you self diagnose and start making yourself ill with what if its ..... the times ive done this and googled cancer which is a no no i do the same things as you and cant stop even though i know its going to make me feel awful its like an addiction its really terrible living like this at times God bless