Panic is my middle name

[Jonathan]

Hi all,

I'm Jonathan. I'm in my early 30's and I have no life whatsoever. I have no life away from the computer because I'm afraid of doing or saying the wrong things and also to appear to fail at things. I'd rather live in my head and be successful there than risk not being good at something in the real world, as such I live a kind of Walter Mitty, fantasy world where I am okay and I am liked. I enact out scenarios with these 'others' as if they are real. I worry constantly about how I'm coming across and if I feel I've not done or said the right thing in a given situation, I will avoid it in future.

I play over and over things from my past that have been negative, like people who have hurt me and people I've hurt. I do a lot of negative self-talk. I see things that people do and twist them into something else, I believe that people can see right through me, that I'm being laughed at, that people don't like me, that they only put up with me because they're afraid to tell the truth which is, they don't wish me to hang around them.

I will go over and over in my mind conversations I've had with people and wish I'd done and said things differently. I suffer panic attacks and find myself running a lot. I just have to be out of those situations. I don't work because I have run out of many many jobs, some 30+ and because I fear I will be sacked for being incompetent at them. I have cried at the last few jobs I've had and haven't been employed now for 6 years. I have no life whatsoever. I hate the way I look and stand in front of the mirror telling myself that I'm ugly and no one will like me unless I alter. I live a life of utter misery and don't know what to do about it. I'm at my wit's end.

It's good to be here though,

Jonathan.

[pips]

Hi Jonathan,

A BIG warm welcome to the forum.

Sorry you are feeling so bad. I understand. I to feel the same at times.

I think it's all part & parcel of anxiety and oversensitivity.

I try and practise POSITIVE thinking. I also read POSITIVE affirmation cards I find they can help.

Unfortunately you can't change the past. You have to look to the future. All those worries and what if's just create more anxiety. Tis difficult to move on though I do know.

Take Care & I hope this site can help.

Best Wishes

Pip's X

Pippa.

[Jonathan]

Hi Pippa,

Thanks for replying. At my last job, 6 years ago now, I began to cry on the shop floor and this caused some of the workers to take the p*** out of me and this in turn cranked up the anxiety and in the end I was fired because I shouted and swore at some of the customers. Last week was the first time in ages I felt confident enough to go down town. I walked through an arcade and felt terribly self-conscious anyway and who should I see but one of the people from back in that time and she gave me a horrible look and moved away. I just wanted to die. You're right, I can't change the past but how do I heal from it if I am still being judged on what has happened there? I came home and went straight to bed, having closed the curtains and stayed there for hours. I felt a failure.

Jonathan.

[manmoor]

Hi Jonathan,

A big warm welcome to you. As Pippa says look to the future and I know just by having all these lovely people here on this site you will start to feel better very soon.

Take Care

Mandyxx

[yorkylover]

Hi Jonathan,you will make many friends here,and will get plenty of support.Your not alone.
Take care;)

Ellen XX

[clickaway]

Hi Jonathon,

I really want to give you a welcome to this site. We have this forum here where you'd be amazed at how supporting and understanding we are.

I am so glad you have come here as you can't go through life like this. I think you will find that you are not the only one here who struggles so much. You will find each and every one of us suffers in different ways and to different degrees.

Can I ask if you have sought any treatment, especially of a therapeutic nature, at all?

Also, I think it would be useful to develop a hobby to build up your self-confidence. I find photography very therapeutic - I don't need to meet anyone; can go out in the fresh air; have more structure to my day and if you post them online like me, you can be part of a circle that can appreciate your offerings.

I too have had some 'empty years' and only fulfilled my life more by being brave.

But all this takes time, and please do not give up. Coming here might be the first step.


Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[polly daydream]

Hi Jonathan and welcome to the forum. I also go over conversations in my mind that I have had with people and wish I had said different things, but then I say to myself I can't change it so I just move on, don't punish yourself, you will just cause yourself more stress and it's not worth it for something you can't change.

I bet you are not ugly at all and even if you were, it's the person that counts deep down, not what you look like.

Take care,

Polly

[mad_shell66]

hi jonathon,

im so so so sorry to hear how down you are.

im sure this site will help you a great deal, and make you realise there is more to life then you think there is.

the information on this site is brilliant.

just remember you are not alone, many people feel the same as you at times.

i have good days and bays days, yesterday been a bad day, a very very bad day and today not been too bad at all!

if you ever want to chat to me, please dont hesitate to pm me or add my msn which is mad_shell66@hotmail.co.uk

keep your chin up mate. look after yourself and speak soon

shellxx

[libbie]

hi jonathan, you have took some positive steps by joining this forum so well done, people wont judge you on here cause we are all in the same boat.

take care
libbie

[Incii]

Hiya :)
i'm so sorry you feel so bad about things, i can certainly realte to a lot of it.
Coming and joing this site shows how much courage you have, telling us about yourself is also couragous, realising that you're not alone is your next step.
We will do everything we can to help and support you, we can all relate to the things you feel.
Keep trying to think one posative thought each day, just one, then take ev day one step at a time and keep coming here and i'm sure you will start to feel better.

Sharon x

[trac67]

Hi Jonathon,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[nomorepanic]

Hi and welcome aboard.

Lovely to see you here and hope you get some great support.

Nicola