Jonathan
22-09-06, 15:58
Hi all,
I'm Jonathan. I'm in my early 30's and I have no life whatsoever. I have no life away from the computer because I'm afraid of doing or saying the wrong things and also to appear to fail at things. I'd rather live in my head and be successful there than risk not being good at something in the real world, as such I live a kind of Walter Mitty, fantasy world where I am okay and I am liked. I enact out scenarios with these 'others' as if they are real. I worry constantly about how I'm coming across and if I feel I've not done or said the right thing in a given situation, I will avoid it in future.
I play over and over things from my past that have been negative, like people who have hurt me and people I've hurt. I do a lot of negative self-talk. I see things that people do and twist them into something else, I believe that people can see right through me, that I'm being laughed at, that people don't like me, that they only put up with me because they're afraid to tell the truth which is, they don't wish me to hang around them.
I will go over and over in my mind conversations I've had with people and wish I'd done and said things differently. I suffer panic attacks and find myself running a lot. I just have to be out of those situations. I don't work because I have run out of many many jobs, some 30+ and because I fear I will be sacked for being incompetent at them. I have cried at the last few jobs I've had and haven't been employed now for 6 years. I have no life whatsoever. I hate the way I look and stand in front of the mirror telling myself that I'm ugly and no one will like me unless I alter. I live a life of utter misery and don't know what to do about it. I'm at my wit's end.
It's good to be here though,
Jonathan.
I'm Jonathan. I'm in my early 30's and I have no life whatsoever. I have no life away from the computer because I'm afraid of doing or saying the wrong things and also to appear to fail at things. I'd rather live in my head and be successful there than risk not being good at something in the real world, as such I live a kind of Walter Mitty, fantasy world where I am okay and I am liked. I enact out scenarios with these 'others' as if they are real. I worry constantly about how I'm coming across and if I feel I've not done or said the right thing in a given situation, I will avoid it in future.
I play over and over things from my past that have been negative, like people who have hurt me and people I've hurt. I do a lot of negative self-talk. I see things that people do and twist them into something else, I believe that people can see right through me, that I'm being laughed at, that people don't like me, that they only put up with me because they're afraid to tell the truth which is, they don't wish me to hang around them.
I will go over and over in my mind conversations I've had with people and wish I'd done and said things differently. I suffer panic attacks and find myself running a lot. I just have to be out of those situations. I don't work because I have run out of many many jobs, some 30+ and because I fear I will be sacked for being incompetent at them. I have cried at the last few jobs I've had and haven't been employed now for 6 years. I have no life whatsoever. I hate the way I look and stand in front of the mirror telling myself that I'm ugly and no one will like me unless I alter. I live a life of utter misery and don't know what to do about it. I'm at my wit's end.
It's good to be here though,
Jonathan.