Feel like my worst nightmare is coming true...

[Lilharry]

I have had severe fatigue since last year as well as blood in my stool for around 6 years. I had a colonoscopy last week and they found 2 huge polyps and weren't able to complete the procedure due to my bowel being twisted. One of the polyps looked like it was about to turn. I am waiting for results.

Now my legs have gone all weak and strange feeling and I feel cold all over and like I can't keep my head straight and I feel dizzy and confused. My head and face feels all tight and like it's crawling and my vision is blurred. I'm terrified that I have cancer and it's spread to my brain which is why i feel like this. It's so hard when no one can give you the reassurance you need. I feel like I'm losing it. I just want someone to tell me I'm fine, but I know I'm not.

I'm worried that a) the polyp they cut out is cancerous; b) that the cancer has spread to my spine and brain and c) that there is still cancer inside me where they weren't able to look.

I'm going back to my GP today, but I know they won't be able to tell me anything, I just have to wait.

Why is this so hard? Can anyone sympathise/had a similar experience?

[ItWillPass]

I don't know a lot about colons... but I DO know how scary and horrible it is when we are faced with a real medical issue. Its like we just want to be told everything is okay... then when its not... WE FREAK OUT. The symptoms you are describing on your face are the same EXACT symptoms I had as well. I know of lots of people that have had big polyps... and they were totally benign. Also, even worst case, lets say they arent, I am so sure it could not have traveled so fast and you will be fine b/c u caught the issue early on. Anyway, I know how hard it is, so much easier said than done.... just know you arnt alone. Anxiety is ruthless and can trick you into just about anything.

[Lilharry]

Thank you for your response. That's interesting you've had the same symptoms on your face! It's such a horrible feeling.

I've just had news back that one of the polyps had low grade abnormalities, but my doctor isn't worried, so that is a relief and my first concern can now be ticked off! I'm still worried about what is still in there though and what it's doing to me, but interestingly I do feel a whole lot better since getting that news, which means that anxiety obviously has a lot to play in how I feel. Which of course I know already, but try telling me that when I'm already anxious!

[Button1]

Does it help to think that you've been proactive and pushed for a colonoscopy which has probably caught something in good time? You could have left it and it could potentially have been a more stressful situation. Plus all being well you now get to draw a line under your worries about the blood and fatigue.

I can only stand in admiration at the way it sounds like you're dealing with things- I'm not sure id be as strong. It sounds hypocritical but there are lots of positives here and hopefully you can focus on those. From what I've read (and I've read alot!) if they had been worried they would have dealt with everything straight away...


Can I cheekily ask how old you are?

[Lilharry]

Thank you for your kind response button1.

I'm worried because I've had the blood and other symptoms for a long time - 6 or so years, but no doctor would refer me for a colonoscopy. I eventually got a referal this year, but it was going to take 6 months so I paid to go privately because I wasn't coping waiting. I am 33. I did have a good chat with my doctor today and she said that lots of people have polyps and not to worry about cancer unless it runs it my family, which as far as I know it doesn't.

To be honest, if you could see me, you'd see that I'm not coping well at all, I'm barely getting by, but I don't really have any choice.

Yes, I do have to remember that if they were worried they would have done something sooner, but it's just that they've already ignored this for so long so I don't really trust them. I keep reading cancer into all of my symptoms.

I will try harder to focus on the positives though - it's such a waste of my life worrying like this. I have already told myself that once this is over I'm going start making the most of my life, so that's another positive!

[Button1]

In some ways I think the fact you've had this for so long is actually positive. I've worried about bowel cancer for 2 years now and all anyone says to me is that if I did have anything I'd know by know! Surely the same must be true for you? There's no way you could have this for so long and not see a very marked deterioration in your health, I promise you that.

I know this must be borderline impossible to deal with but believe me, I'd have been sectioned by now. You're doing well and everything from the doc sounds positive. Just keep taking it one day at a time and eventually this will be over x