Mental Strength

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Is there a definition for mental strength? Is it always seeing the positive, no matter how bleak the situation might seem? Is it refusing to be beaten? Is it remaining calm under pressure? Is mental strength natural or is it something that you can develop?

I know that Richard Hammond has been described as mentally strong, so too has the footballer Alan Smith after breaking his leg.

Am I mentally weak for being so depressed and anxious? Or am I strong for continuing to fight it? Am I weak or sticking with a job that I hate and which makes me feel really ill or am I strong for not quitting?

I guess my nerves come from thinking "I couldn't handle it if something really bad happened to me or somebody that I love" and that makes me feel really weak. I can just imagine myself going to pot and being a wreck.

And that thinking has made my life very limited. I don't do things because I don't want to take chances and I'm constantly on my guard.

I've thought in the past that maybe I should start taking bereavement counselling NOW to prepare me for when someone that I love dies.

I know that I'm at a particular disadvantage to most people at the moment because I'm severely depressed and anxious, but how can I develop my mental strength? Is it positive thinking? Is it relaxation?

I guess that mental strength must be like physical strength and that there are exercises that you can do to build yourself up.

Anybody got any ideas?

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I just feel like I've never really got a handle on life. I feel like I've always been very serious, moody, timid.

I don't feel like I've grown up and become a man (I'm 30). Maybe that's the trouble, maybe I'm still not mature and I'm having an extended moody adolescence.

It's probably because I'm depressed, but I look back on my childhood and remember it as being miserable. In his book, 'Feeling Good' by David Burns he describes one of the key characteristics of depression as feeling deprived and I would certainly agree with that. When I was young we were really poor and I felt deprived of the level of comfort that my peers had, when I was in my teens I felt deprived of a girlfriend, in my twenties I felt deprived of a career (I guess a lot of these things continue) and at the moment I especially feel deprived of friends.

Maybe I'm discounting the positive, because I've got a fiancee and her family, I have my social coordinating and I talk to more people than ever. I guess it's because I feel that if I didn't make the effort then nobody would bother contacting me. I don't feel like I have close friends that I can confide in or go out for a beer with. I don't feel like there are many people that I could call now if i really needed someone.

I feel like I've tried really hard to make friends: I'm doing my social coordinating and I keep inviting people out for a drink.

I'm planning on changing jobs and maybe getting two part-time jobs rather than the full-time one that I do at the minute, so that should give me the opportunity to meet two new sets of people. I also want to retrain, so there's another opportunity.

I know that it's only a subtle thing why I'm not making more friends. When I went to Uni I sat on my own in the class and I thought that they were all really offish!!! When I went into the student bar they all seemed really pleased to see me and it felt great.

I was talking to a manager at work yesterday and I just decided to make conversation about football and he went from being quite stony-faced to animated and excited.

I know that it doesn't help at the minute that I work nearly every evening. I know I'm a lot more confident with people now and I know a lot more people, so hopefully when I get my evenings and weekends back I can have a social life again- because the weekend means nothing to me at the moment since I work nearly every friday and every other saturday.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Lynnann]

Hi Wifts,

Everyone is different and there is no definition that can apply to everyone!!

Personally I think you are strong for continuing to battle against your depression because it is a battle at times!!

To get up every day and commence battle is a great acomplishment! As to your job, again I think you are strong as you know that you have commitments to meet!

However if you hate it, maybe you should be job hunting in the mean time for something that would be more fulfilling!!

Unfortunately depression leads to negative thinking, that is quite normal, however pre guessing what could or might happen only tends to lead to further depression!!

Have you been to your GP lately and are they supportive. your mental strength will only recover with help and support!!

Personally I have always survived when life throws its worst at me. I can't say coped but I have survived!!

We all flounder at times!! myself included, I hope this helps, it feels like I am rambling a bit!!

Hugs to you

Lynnann

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Thanks Lynann,

I've been to my GP, seen a CBT counsellor and I should be seeing a psychologist/ psychiatrist in the next month.

I'm sure that my job has a lot to do with the way that i feel, but I'm afraid of leaving in case I bring stress upon myself because of earning less. I know that I load myself down with pressure and I beat myself up over any little 'mistake' that I might make and it's caused me to feel paralysed.

I came home from London feeling like my life was in a total mess because I'd alienated all my friends, split up with my girlfriend, got into loads of debt, had no career and got into drugs. I felt especially bad because i didn't feel like there was a crash mat there when I hit rock bottom. Nobody seemed to want to help me or try and understand me.

I've felt like I've done my best to try and make it up to my family by paying back any money that I owed, doing favours for them and sticking with a 'stable' job to prove that I'm not totally no good.

I guess I feel like I'm putting myself through misery to prove something to people who don't even care anyway.

I just wish that I could slow right down and take stock properly or that I had someone who I could turn to for advice. I've told my mum and my brother stuff in confidence before and the other has come back to me and said 'So, what's this I hear about.....?', which makes me feel upset and probably even a bit betrayed. I know that they're only passing the hot potatoe because they can't deal with it themselves- and that makes me think that I shouldn't burden them with stuff.

I don't feel like I can talk to my dad about stuff, I think that he thinks that I'm making excuses and that I'm after sympathy. I don't really have any close friends. My mrs is quite anxious herself and she can't handle anything that I tell her.

I just wish that I had someone really solid and dependable that would put an arm round my shoulder and help me to see reason. I guess we'd all like that. but the point of life is that we don't depend on other people. We need to go through sh*t to get strong on our own.

Maybe I look at Sophie Anderton on love island and I know that she does have mental strength because she's some through her drugs torment and now she's running the London marathon. But, the slightest thing goes wrong on the island and she's a wreck. When she spoke to her mum on the phone it seemed like she has a really solid and supportive family (something that I feel deprived of), maybe it's an attention thing that she turns into a wreck so that her 'mummy' can soothe her- because i know that she's stronger than that.

Is it lazyness? If I cry then someone will come running an deal with it for me. I know that I have been very demanding and needy at times in both this relationship and my previous relationship. I was about 22 and working for the BBC with my first mrs when a wasp came in the car. I'm not sure if it really did sting me, but I was practically in tears!!!!

When I was at primary school I bawled my eyes out because I didn't get top marks in the class for my homework!!

I suppose that makes a lot of sense. I know that i often react hysterically to very little danger and that it's to get attention. How can I stop this though? How can I learn to depend on myself? There are two chapters in the book that I'm reading called 'Love addiction' and 'approval addiction'. I guess that's it. I'm addicted to those two things and I need to beat the addiction! hmm

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I'm having a pig of a day. I feel stuck in my room in my pjs while it's lovely outside. I feel really achy, stiff, heavy-limbed. My head feels like I've drunk about 20 pints!!

I see people milling around outside and it just seems really hard. I see planes flying by and it's totally overwhelming.

I know it's classic depression and it has been hard for me to leave the house recently, but I'm not normally this bad. i can normally muster up the energy to leave the house.

maybe it's because I've got no work to go to. Maybe it's because my mrs is spending quality time with her mate and I feel like I have to stop away. maybe I'm just talking myself into it.

i know that I've built myself up about going to work before and then when I've got there I've though 'what was i worrying about?'. i know that I feel more depressed when i stop in my room and that I feel better when I'm with people.

I know it's ridiculous. I've seen other people panicking and thought 'what's there to panic about?'. I know how stupid it seems. how distorted my thoughts are.

I think the biggest reason that I'm depressed at the moment is because I really want to leave my job, but I'm concerned about finding other work and earning less money. I'm feeling very anxious before work and I've had a few panic attacks, which is something that I haven't suffered from so much recently. I want to get into football coaching, but I'm concerned that it's something else to fail at (talk about self-defeating attitude!!) and that I'll be so paralysed by my depression that i'll end up not going to work at all.

I suppose I'm trying to second guess what might happen. I know that it'll feel like a HUGE weight off my shoulders when I leave my current job and if I get two part-time jobs then I'll have much more variety and i can hopefully gain some more work experience. I've got nothing to lose from doing my football coaching badges and I'm bound to find some sort of work. the important thing is to empower myself and do something where I will feel some benefit. the trap that I need to avoid is thinking that I'll fly through my qualifications and up the career ladder to be a premiership coach in no time. I may never reach that level. I may stay at county level, but that will still be a huge success because I've empowered myself to find a job which is more fulfilling and satisfactory than stacking tins of beans.

That is what I need to remember: a success in this situation is finding a job that is more rewading than my current one. NOT automatically landing my dream job and my life being magically transformed!!

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.