Hypochondria, Severe Depression, Suicidal, HELP

[sedohrrelyt]

Hey, I've recently been experiencing really bad depression.. My anxiety and health concerns have completely destroyed my life. I can't work, I had to drop out of school, lost my girlfriend of 4 years, and basically have just kept me home doing nothing with myself, just waiting to die. I'm so afraid that I have some type of illness triggering this extreme anxiety and panic I have.. I can't go out of my house because I feel like if I do anything I could have a heart attack, stroke, seizure, pass out, throw up, or die suddenly either from some undetected illness or just a random freak thing. I've been thinking about suicide lately.. Which gives me a panic attack also just thinking about it.. The depression makes my anxiety a million times more intense and more unbearable. I've been suffering for 4/5 years from panic attacks, severe anxiety, and extreme hypochondria. My dad died about 4 months ago of a unexpected heart attack and that has effected me hugely.. My grandpa's second wife died of cancer and they lived with us during it so we had to watch her die basically, that was only a few weeks before my dad passed. I've also had 2 uncles commit suicide over the past 4 years. I'm only 20 and I have no future, I can't plan a future, or even work towards a future because I'm so consumed with death and disease. I have the thoughts like what's the point? You just end up dying suddenly. I'm so afraid of death and disease you would thing suicide would be the last thing I would think of but it's like constant panic all day, everyday. It's living hell.. I don't know what to do but I can't keep living like this, I can't..

---------- Post added at 15:08 ---------- Previous post was at 14:38 ----------

Please. Any Advice, I'll take to heart. I feel so helpless and life just seems so painful and so hard to deal with.. I can't handle living with this constant, disabling anxiety any longer.. I have nothing to look forward to expect death or disease, it seems..

[anxious_thoughts]

You really should get some professional help! That will be the only way you can learn to cope with your anxiety/suicidal tendencies/depression. And please do it soon :(
I have health anxiety because I believe I have a brain tumour, I keep going to the doctors but you know what? Each time I go it makes me feel better because they reassure me it's nothing that serious. You really need to speak to someone about what you're feeling like, you're so young and have so much to live for. Please do this for yourself!

[sedohrrelyt]

Brain tumor is a huge one for me at the moment. I just went to the doctor last Thursday and she said that all my blood test and everything look good. My blood pressure is always good, it's only been high once (when I had a panic attack in there) I gave her a big list of disease that I was concerned about and I felt good about a lot of them. However, the only two she couldn't rule out for sure was a brain tumor (because CT scans are so expensive and so much radiation that they don't want to expose people to that unless it's a must) but she said I don't have any concerning symptoms of having a brain tumor, and I have a fear of a hormonal problem. (something wrong with my adrenal glands or just a hormonal imbalance) she told me that the only one they really check at my age is the thyroid and they turned out fine. I still am worried about those two tremendously. I'm also in therapy but I only have had 3 season and I see my therapist like every 3 weeks because the place I go is so booked up so I don't feel that i'm getting the attention or help that I need. Not to sound selfish! I'm also on 20 mg of prozac that I just started about a month ago. It just feels like nothing is helping though. Every morning I wake up it's like a blast of anxiety and depression.. And I feel like everyday is the day that i'm going to die.

---------- Post added at 15:45 ---------- Previous post was at 15:44 ----------

And thank you for replying! I was afraid there for a minute that no one was going to!

[SeroxVet]

Stick with the therapy. give the Prozac another month. If there's no improvement, ask your doc to try something else.

---------- Post added at 02:06 ---------- Previous post was at 02:05 ----------

PS your symptoms sound so severe I'm surprised you are not on a higher dosage. maybe you should suggest that to your MD

[Jjjetplane25]

Hi how are you? I've just come Across your post and I know that it was quite a while ago but have you managed to get the help that you need and are you doing better? I think that the death of your father is a major factor in your health anxiety. I recently lost my grandma who I was very close with, I lived with her for 7 years and she died suddenly from a stroke. I have only recently linked my health anxiety with this. As I am the same at the moment and think I have everything wrong with me. Stroke, heart attack, I am also terrified of goog blind so any pain in my eyes and I'm convinced I'm going blind and now that Ebola is around im terrified about that too and have convinced myself that I have that. Which I dont. But I think I do. It's all very stressful and it's so strange because I'm terrified of dying, hence why I'm terrified about having bad health but when I'm panicking 5-6 times a day everyday I often think that being dead would be better than worrying about dying.
Anyway, I really hope you received/are receiving the help that you need. It really is Awful dealing with this
xx