Learn to love myself

[lifesfighter92]

I have been single now for 18 months , as my anxiety worsens I find it increasingly harder to speak to anyone or make friends with anyone , in particular people my own age and especially girls , I think the problem is that I am at war with myself too much to be able to love anybody or be loved I need to learn to like/love, my life is lonely , i have nobody to talk to who understands me , please reply

[grace.M]

I've been in this situation myself, you hide yourself away and it does seem to get worse out of no-where, In my experience you need to start with loving you! building yourself up will help the most, at the moment it might feel like you don't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone (i totally had that and it was horrible i just wanted to sleep the days away) how are you at the moment with everything? is it just talking to people you have difficulty with or is it other things too like feeling out of routine?

[lifesfighter92]

I train regularly and have a good physical presence , I'm a boxer and also go to the gym and go running , but that's where it ends , I only feel good when I'm training or fighting in the ring in particular , or when I'm alone , I don't like bumping into people and I get nervous even around close family ,my world is closing in on me , I don't know what to do, I saw a gorgeous girl on the bus yesterday and just froze I couldn't get words out of my mouth and I just feel inferior all the time :( thanks for replying Grace x

[grace.M]

i used to feel the same way, i moved away to my mums and everything was fine, i went out loads got introduced to everyone but i just couldn't speak to anyone, i think things like this take time, little things might help.. like you think your inferior, but is it really true? try setting up experiments, next time you see someone you want to talk to try something small like ask someone about their training when your boxing, you might surprise yourself... i know i used to fly a lot and a really easy thing to say was 'how was your holiday?' and i was surprised at the kind of people who would talk to me, i still have social issues so I'm not exactly the best for advice haha, are you seeing anyone about it, brought it up with someone you trust?

[lifesfighter92]

Thanks Grace , no only my doctor , he is brilliant with me and totally understanding , I don't have a problem talking to people in the gym its outside in normal life where I really struggle , there is nobody in my life that I can trust , I don't know how to trust people , I stutter and slurr when I talk to my own family because of my nerves, I don't even know how to start conversations with my family , I'm hopeless, I went to a party last night i, I very nearly didn't go and it took a lot of effort to get myself out , when I was there I just couldn't talk to anyone , I felt terrible

[grace.M]

well done for going though, thats a good step right :) i stutter sometimes too and thanks to my dyslexia i even say some words backwards lol, do you know where the lack of trust started? it might help seeing a counsellor about it to really talk it over. I've been seeing a counsellor this year and its nice to have someone to say everything to and you know thay won't make you feel bad about it... i know even my mum says sometimes 'just pull yourself together!'... and it dosen't help! feel free to pm me if you want to talk about it to someone on here :)

[theharvestmouse]

Catch 22 situation, I've been in it as well, I have improved by forcing myself out of my comfort zone, I reckon you feel in your comfort zone when boxing, but other things are more of a challenge. Maybe you need to try doing some other things as well as boxing, that might boost your confidence and make it easier for you to talk to people.

[Owen1980]

I know how you feel mate. I get anxious at the best of times when i'm around people that I don't talk to often. I have a partner and during my bad days I think there is something wrong with me and why is she with me. I feel that nobody can be with me as i'm not normal and i'm messed up.

For me personally, it's a lack of confidence that is mostly responsible for these thoughts. When i'm feeling confident i'm fine but after a recent panic attack and being petrified, i've lost all my confidence and i'm under attack from those negative thoughts I mentioned above.

I think what we need to do is find a way to build our confidence back up, bit by bit.