Just need some friends.

[katyfitz]

Hi everyone.

Everyday is a different day for me.....I struggle to believe in myself, I think everyone is against me, Sometimes feel I have no friends and i'm not sure what the reason is for all this?

Everyday i find something to worry about. Even if something good has come of something i found a worry suddenly i replace it with yet another one.

My main worry is loosing friends or friends not wanting me around in their company...mainly because i think i make them feel down if im not on top form or maybe they find me boring and dont want to listen to me. I used to have two friends (who i still see) and we were always out together once a week and would share everything and in the past two/three weeks its all drifted and doesnt happen. One of the girls has alot going on at home and im not sure if sometimes people find it easier to close up and not talk but to me i keep thinking she cant trust me, shes heard bad about me from people....the lot? i dont really know what to think and my mind is exhausted from it all.

Im scared il loose people and wish i could just wake up focus on my day ahead and not think about anything but that day...is that possible or not?

Id appreciate anyones feedback x

[Tessar]

Hey Katy, I can appreciate and relate to much of what you say here. There are lots of lovely people here so you'll be sure to make friends and also will feel that people are on your side. They'll have helpful advice and support for sure. I am sure we well speak gain soon but meanwhile, try not to feel too despondent my friend as there is much that can be done to help alleviate the strength of your feelings.

[katyfitz]

Hi Tessar

do you think i am loosing these friends or is it all in my head?
x

[Moley]

Hi katy,

I don't really have any friends because i struggle to stay in touch with people and would make excuses not to go out as I suffer with social anxiety and couldn't explain this to them. Maybe you just need to give them a bit of time and space and the problems that they have will probably sort themselves out and things could go back to how they were.

Thinking that you are to blame that I can relate to but it is probably just paranoia you need to becareful not to push them away by hassiling them to get reassurance that the problem is not you.

I honestly expect there is so much going on for them at the moment that something has had to give and it seems unfortunately that that is time with you but be patient with them but let them know you are there for them if they need anything.

Hope this helps you a bit.

[katyfitz]

Yea it really does moley! I just find myself having to text or call people more than once a week to find out their ok or still talking to me....This is something i wish i could change, big time x

[nok_tok]

i wrote down a dream i had and shown it to my well being clinic advisor

in the dream i met a girl, she took me on as a friend straight away, she didnt judge me and was cool with who i was, i felt really relaxed, she was completely on my level and i was so suprised...i was not too uncool or have to live up to an expectation like friends expect'

i was so dissapointed when i woke up,

i have found t difficult to maintain friends due to conditions, i dont always feel like going to every event ad sometimes feel a little used or find myself boring compaire to them and try to live up to their expectations...i need friends that understand depressio, anxiety and panic...if they have never suffered then its hard to understand

[MaxieP]

I lost my friends 8 years ago when I had really bad depression. Since then I have withdrawn within myself, and this makes it pretty much impossible to meet new people. I live in fear of losing the one true friend I've got because I feel a burden to her when I turn to her for support.

[Tessar]

i wrote down a dream i had and shown it to my well being clinic advisor

in the dream i met a girl, she took me on as a friend straight away, she didnt judge me and was cool with who i was, i felt really relaxed, she was completely on my level and i was so suprised...i was not too uncool or have to live up to an expectation like friends expect'

i was so dissapointed when i woke up,

i have found t difficult to maintain friends due to conditions, i dont always feel like going to every event ad sometimes feel a little used or find myself boring compaire to them and try to live up to their expectations...i need friends that understand depressio, anxiety and panic...if they have never suffered then its hard to understand

people can be very fickle when it comes to friendship. i had a friend who one day suddenly turned around to me & said that I blow hot & cold in our friendship. this came as a bit of a shock to me since I didnt feel any different about it. She'd been discussing it with her mother & between them they decided i was some kind of scheming person (very fary from the truth).
The irony of that one is that i still wanted her friendship but she cut herself off from me. That must be something like 10 years ago now. The other day another friend of mine bumped into this girl in the pub. Apparently she was keen to get in touch with me again. Hmmmn seems all must be forgiven after a decade. Sad though because we could have still been friends during that time. At some point we will meet up again i am sure. i will find it really interesting to see how she is and whether she still has the same tendencies.

What i am very cerrtain of, is there's a really great bunch of people here on NMP. we all have friends here..... never forget that. sometimes i just like starting threads on all sorts of subjects. it can be serious, reflective or even daft. but getting a thread going means you are making friends. the more light hearted threads are equally as important as the serious ones as they can lighten up people's days!

see you all around & hugs to you all coz i love you.

[Helen1985]

I feel exactly the same as you hun, i get paranoid and text my friend alot if she doesnt reply i assume she is getting annoyed at me/ignoring me. Im a bit better at the moment since i had cbt as we dealed with the thoughts and when i got them down on paper they did seem really silly! i was going through a faise of feeling angry with them all too, as i no i have always been there for them but yet when i need some1 to just say everything is going to be ok no-one is there! this place is amazing for making friends i have 2 really special people on here that i can talk to about anything,and theres always some1 to help in the chatroom. Its lonely sometimes having anxiety as you feel no-one really understands you. Maybe text your friends ask about having a meal out or something fun. :) im sure u will be pleasently suprised. xxx

[Tessar]

Yea it really does moley! I just find myself having to text or call people more than once a week to find out their ok or still talking to me....This is something i wish i could change, big time x

this is another thread which isn't quite on the same subject but its where people keep asking others if they are ok. it sort of reminds me of how you feel the need to text or call people to check they're ok or still speaking to you.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=133638 (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=133638)

I sort of do this with my partner; if I feel that they are quiet or maybe a bit moody, I find myself assuming it must be my fault. So then when I notice their mood doesn't seem quite right, I might ask (several times in an evening) if they are ok, or have I don't something? Most often there's nothing wrong at all.

I am now learning that it isn't always my fault if something is wrong anyway. Its just better not to go there. By doing this I'm just winding myself up needlessly. It may well be that your friends are fine too but they just don't always remember to reply to messages.

I can be like that sometimes, I really don't mean to but occasionally if I'm busy at work or something I might forget to reply. I must admit one of my friends must have been wondering about me as a couple of times she had to ask if I'd got her messages as she'd not heard back. I hadn't intended not to reply, I literally had forgotten. I did feel rather guilty actually. She was fine about it.

Generally speaking I find that my closest friends come & go in my life. we have periods when I see a lot of them and then maybe not a much. often this is down to them& I'd like to see more of them really. but I guess I have to accept they lead busy lives. many of them have children which I don't so I have more time on my hands too.

So, how do you go about not ringing them or texting too often? Well, you could try re-training yourself. First to really believe that these people do value your friendship & you don't actually need constant reassurance of that. Good friendships fluctuate naturally but underneath there is a bond. Once that bond is there it usually stays.

Also, you could perhaps try distracting yourself. At points you find yourself dwelling on how your friendships are going, you do something else. Something that consumes your mind, a hobby perhaps or listening to music. The idea being that instead of going over & over whether your friend is still talking to you, you can reassure yourself that you have a basis of a good friendship and actually you don't need to be reassured about that.

Hope this helps!!

[MaxieP]

What i am very cerrtain of, is there's a really great bunch of people here on NMP. we all have friends here..... never forget that. sometimes i just like starting threads on all sorts of subjects. it can be serious, reflective or even daft. but getting a thread going means you are making friends. the more light hearted threads are equally as important as the serious ones as they can lighten up people's days!

see you all around & hugs to you all coz i love you.

You deserve a big:hugs:for that!

[Tessar]

You deserve a big:hugs:for that!
thank you maxie!!

[Chelby]

Hi Katy,
I know exactly how you feel. I suffer from anxiety and depression and have lost friends too, I also have trans issues.
Drop me a line, maybe we could be friends and make each other feel better.
Michelle x

[Mr_Kipling]

Hi Katy, sorry to hear about your friends.

It must be very difficult feeling that way.

After reading what you wrote, it's possible that your friends just have a lot on right now with themselves. The weather has been terrible, we're living in a recession and January/February for a lot of people is mentally not the healthiest time of the year.

It's a difficult one to answer.