MrsStobe13
30-04-13, 23:31
Hey folks,
Just had to post and clear my head..I'm kind of sat here with tear-stained cheeks, it's been a hard day.
For months now I've been plagued with violent thoughts. For years before that I've suffered with generalised anxiety as a result of arrested non-shunted hydrocephalus. I've posted before on here and several other forums that I think my oral contraceptive pill (Cerazette) has been making me a bit loopy, some women said it made them a bit snappy but nothing like I am.
Well...it's been a 14-month battle and I told my mum today that last time I saw my GP he thought I had OCD. I went to him as 3 weeks after starting Cerazette I thought about stabbing my fiancé in the heart with a knife. Over time it got progressively worse. On Saturday I was out with the family and I knew that my Mum had packed a knife to cut a cake with. I spent the whole 3-4 hours longing to be home and away from them before I hurt them. This was supposed to be a pre-wedding treat as my hen has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Today I finally opened up and spoke to my Mum about these horrific thoughts which plague my mind. She looked shocked and told me that she now understood why my flat was always a mess and that coping with these thoughts must be exceptionally emotionally tiring. Then she done something I thought was completely crazy...she went and got a knife, handed it to me and put her hands up. Instinctively, I pointed it to my heart and broke down. I told her I would kill myself before I killed my family, I told her I loved them all and had no inclination to kill any of them. When I think about them all now I get so damned upset. We talked about how my GP thinks I have OCD and how I'm sure it's my pill that makes me this way. How I don't want to be like this on my wedding day (17 days time) etc.
Having been home, I was determined to find some supporting evidence to point to the fact that these horrific ideas are nothing more than a hormonal imbalance as a result of this pill. After a few minutes, I found this (http://http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2183689/Contraceptive-Pill-Alert-progesterone-Pill.html) article. Cerazette, the contraceptive pill I am on, is progesterone only. Before this, I used to take Ovysmen, a combined pill, and I was a cheery wee soul! In fact I'd say those were the best 5 years of my life! I'm no longer allowed to take Ovysmen as I'm overweight and my GP told me that after 5 years the risk of DVT and cancer increases, though I have found no evidence to support this.
Having read that, I punched the air before breaking down in a fit of tears. I feel my GP has made not only a mistake, but a BIG mistake. I have seen two doctors at my practice, one reluctantly prescribed me another 3 months on Ovysmen and the second called me in for a chat, pointing out my weight issues and offering me the implant or the injection. I was decided I wanted nothing invasive and he managed to persuade me to try Cerazette because I'd "lose weight and stop having periods". Both of those were lies. I've gained 2.5 stones and still have my cycle as per usual. I also cry at the drop of a hat and have psycho-killer thoughts.
I have endogenous depression and generalised anxiety disorder. On both of those reasons I feel I should not of been prescribed any progesterone-only method. I feel as though my GP has not only interfered with what was a happy, normal life but he has RUINED it for the past year. I'm constantly beside myself, my partner of 5 years has told me at least 4 times that it's putting a strain on our relationship and my family keep telling me I'm not the same person. I made an emergency GP appointment last November and told my GP I'm sure the pill is driving me mad but he told me to hold it out a while longer and put the possibility of OCD on my records. I'm now feeling as though OCD was a fob off and a cover-up for what could of been a potentially life-threatening side effect of this pill. If not for me, for those nearest and dearest to me. I haven't got killer in me I know, but I'm now very scared I might because I'm simply so frustrated with these horrific thoughts- I hate blood but I'm terrified I'll act to put an end to it all. I'm scared stiff of losing my family and know all too well I wouldn't last 30 seconds in prison. I told my Dad earlier I wanted someone to simply "cut out the bad bit" of my brain.
Has anyone got any advice? I'd be particularly interested to hear from women with an anxiety disorder who were prescribed a progesterone-only method (pill, implant, injection, IUD etc) and how that effected your anxiety, if it did. I want to come off of Cerazette immediately and get myself physically and mentally healthy before my wedding day but I'm all too aware I need something...as it were!
Thanks for reading
MrsStobe13 xx
Just had to post and clear my head..I'm kind of sat here with tear-stained cheeks, it's been a hard day.
For months now I've been plagued with violent thoughts. For years before that I've suffered with generalised anxiety as a result of arrested non-shunted hydrocephalus. I've posted before on here and several other forums that I think my oral contraceptive pill (Cerazette) has been making me a bit loopy, some women said it made them a bit snappy but nothing like I am.
Well...it's been a 14-month battle and I told my mum today that last time I saw my GP he thought I had OCD. I went to him as 3 weeks after starting Cerazette I thought about stabbing my fiancé in the heart with a knife. Over time it got progressively worse. On Saturday I was out with the family and I knew that my Mum had packed a knife to cut a cake with. I spent the whole 3-4 hours longing to be home and away from them before I hurt them. This was supposed to be a pre-wedding treat as my hen has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Today I finally opened up and spoke to my Mum about these horrific thoughts which plague my mind. She looked shocked and told me that she now understood why my flat was always a mess and that coping with these thoughts must be exceptionally emotionally tiring. Then she done something I thought was completely crazy...she went and got a knife, handed it to me and put her hands up. Instinctively, I pointed it to my heart and broke down. I told her I would kill myself before I killed my family, I told her I loved them all and had no inclination to kill any of them. When I think about them all now I get so damned upset. We talked about how my GP thinks I have OCD and how I'm sure it's my pill that makes me this way. How I don't want to be like this on my wedding day (17 days time) etc.
Having been home, I was determined to find some supporting evidence to point to the fact that these horrific ideas are nothing more than a hormonal imbalance as a result of this pill. After a few minutes, I found this (http://http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2183689/Contraceptive-Pill-Alert-progesterone-Pill.html) article. Cerazette, the contraceptive pill I am on, is progesterone only. Before this, I used to take Ovysmen, a combined pill, and I was a cheery wee soul! In fact I'd say those were the best 5 years of my life! I'm no longer allowed to take Ovysmen as I'm overweight and my GP told me that after 5 years the risk of DVT and cancer increases, though I have found no evidence to support this.
Having read that, I punched the air before breaking down in a fit of tears. I feel my GP has made not only a mistake, but a BIG mistake. I have seen two doctors at my practice, one reluctantly prescribed me another 3 months on Ovysmen and the second called me in for a chat, pointing out my weight issues and offering me the implant or the injection. I was decided I wanted nothing invasive and he managed to persuade me to try Cerazette because I'd "lose weight and stop having periods". Both of those were lies. I've gained 2.5 stones and still have my cycle as per usual. I also cry at the drop of a hat and have psycho-killer thoughts.
I have endogenous depression and generalised anxiety disorder. On both of those reasons I feel I should not of been prescribed any progesterone-only method. I feel as though my GP has not only interfered with what was a happy, normal life but he has RUINED it for the past year. I'm constantly beside myself, my partner of 5 years has told me at least 4 times that it's putting a strain on our relationship and my family keep telling me I'm not the same person. I made an emergency GP appointment last November and told my GP I'm sure the pill is driving me mad but he told me to hold it out a while longer and put the possibility of OCD on my records. I'm now feeling as though OCD was a fob off and a cover-up for what could of been a potentially life-threatening side effect of this pill. If not for me, for those nearest and dearest to me. I haven't got killer in me I know, but I'm now very scared I might because I'm simply so frustrated with these horrific thoughts- I hate blood but I'm terrified I'll act to put an end to it all. I'm scared stiff of losing my family and know all too well I wouldn't last 30 seconds in prison. I told my Dad earlier I wanted someone to simply "cut out the bad bit" of my brain.
Has anyone got any advice? I'd be particularly interested to hear from women with an anxiety disorder who were prescribed a progesterone-only method (pill, implant, injection, IUD etc) and how that effected your anxiety, if it did. I want to come off of Cerazette immediately and get myself physically and mentally healthy before my wedding day but I'm all too aware I need something...as it were!
Thanks for reading
MrsStobe13 xx