View Full Version : Lonely
I think I have a really high need for others. I get lonely very very easily when I do not have a partner.
I avoid spending time alone in the evening. I'm always out doing something. I'm a big networker and have many friends - close friends too. And I have a close family who I live with.
But I feel the absence of someone to text about everything, and someone to go and see last minute whenever I want. Someone to fill in the gaps in my life. I miss the people that used to fill those gaps. It's hard to resist getting back in contact with them. They are not right for me and getting in touch with them would do more harm than good.
This is loneliness mixed with compulsion to communicate... which remains unfulfilled. I communicate with many people all day every day, but I want one person to foster a deep connection with on top of that. Someone to say goodnight to.
theharvestmouse
04-05-13, 11:19
I get this as well, its the small things sometimes that would make so much difference in my life. I'm making a big effort now to try to meet someone who can be that person to have a special connection with.
At least you have many friends and a family, that counts for a lot. I lost my friends years ago, though I do have a friend I sort of socialise with occasionally. Most people I know have big families and I often envy them as I am completely on my own, my relationship broke up 7 years ago so loneliness is a big problem sometimes.
Wow Max that's a different league of loneliness. Are you part of some kind of interest group - golf/darts/choir?
Last night I slept with someone. I was hoping it would be the start of something but I don't know if he's going to get back in contact with me. I don't think he wants a relationship. I don't know what I want from him, except to see him again. I want more time with him. I want it to mean something. I'm afraid that I would want that from anyone I slept with, even if they weren't worth seeing again. I feel really down about it. It was really great but I don't think I'm mentally robust enough to have one night stands. I need more :( I have caused a pain to myself through seeking pleasure.
maxi i am just like you i split ftom ex 7 yrs and i have no friends because i moved 6mnths ago to another part of the city from ware i used to live and they are either married or with partners havent got any hobbies etc, i dont go out much as i dont know anyone ware i live now. i have my family but its not the same as having someone to say goodnight to and cuddle up with i really miss that so i get very lonely so know ware ur coming from
Wow Max that's a different league of loneliness. Are you part of some kind of interest group - golf/darts/choir?
Last night I slept with someone. I was hoping it would be the start of something but I don't know if he's going to get back in contact with me. I don't think he wants a relationship. I don't know what I want from him, except to see him again. I want more time with him. I want it to mean something. I'm afraid that I would want that from anyone I slept with, even if they weren't worth seeing again. I feel really down about it. It was really great but I don't think I'm mentally robust enough to have one night stands. I need more :( I have caused a pain to myself through seeking pleasure.
No I'm not part of anything like that, though I used to be; my life was so different then, I used to go out a lot, used to be really happy etc but now it's almost the opposite. It's all part of the problem really, but I'm hoping things will change in time.
I fully understand your need to be wanted, we are all like that, we all want to be loved and to be with someone but of course the big problem is finding that person. Be very careful you don't put yourself in a position where blokes take advantage of you, don't forget you're vulnerable and (most) blokes will be blokes, & they won't always be as understanding as you'd like.
maxi i am just like you i split ftom ex 7 yrs and i have no friends because i moved 6mnths ago to another part of the city from ware i used to live and they are either married or with partners havent got any hobbies etc, i dont go out much as i dont know anyone ware i live now. i have my family but its not the same as having someone to say goodnight to and cuddle up with i really miss that so i get very lonely so know ware ur coming from
It's bad enough normally, so must be incredibly difficult if you're new to the area. I guess in time you never know who might be waiting round the corner, but yes I miss that safe feeling of cuddling up to someone at night too. Keep strong and take care
Last night I slept with someone. I was hoping it would be the start of something but I don't know if he's going to get back in contact with me. I don't think he wants a relationship. I don't know what I want from him, except to see him again. I want more time with him. I want it to mean something. I'm afraid that I would want that from anyone I slept with, even if they weren't worth seeing again. I feel really down about it. It was really great but I don't think I'm mentally robust enough to have one night stands. I need more :( I have caused a pain to myself through seeking pleasure.[/QUOTE]
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It can be lonely being on your own at times, but the above, as you know, is not the answer. It will only hurt you and add to your problems. I hope I dont sound as if I am lecturing you, that is the last thing I would do. I just don`t want you to get hurt.:hugs:
I know, sleeping with someone is a really bad idea. I knew it just before I did it too. Then I got drunk enough for it to not matter any more, and I made a bad decision. I need more self control.
I do internet dating too, and a guy I was going to meet tonight came clean just before I went to sleep last night that his pictures weren't of him, and he wasn't who he said he was. All day I have been feeling really anxious. I am still very tired from only sleeping 1 hour the other night, and last night I barely slept from anxiety too, because this guy turned out to be lying so much to me. I just can't understand why someone could do that.
Max, I am vulnerable - why do people take the liberty of abusing vulnerability? It's so cruel. I've been taking advantage of, because I've been too trusting. Since I am trustworthy, I find it difficult to remember that not everyone is. Not everyone will play to the rules that I have made for my own life.
I like to think the best of people, and humankind in general - yet this makes me more vulnerable.
Max, I am vulnerable - why do people take the liberty of abusing vulnerability? It's so cruel. I've been taking advantage of, because I've been too trusting. Since I am trustworthy, I find it difficult to remember that not everyone is. Not everyone will play to the rules that I have made for my own life.
I like to think the best of people, and humankind in general - yet this makes me more vulnerable.
Sorry for the delay lior, I've been in a bad way recently.
I have experienced the same abuse of trust with some friends but mainly with ex-girlfriends. I have always been a soft touch and in my experience I seem to attract people who pick up on that and end up taking advantage. All I want is someone likeminded who is understanding but I seem to be a terrible judge of character. Like you, I like to see the best in people, and if something bad happens I give them the benefit of the doubt; but all this does is prove how naïve I am! The ugly truth is there are some cruel people out there and you have to keep your guard up.
But I'd also like to think that for every trust-abusing person there are 10 decent people, only I have yet to find that person myself. The one thing that would really help me the way I've been recently is to have someone's arms around me, I just crave that so badly. Being of a sensitive nature really doesn't help when you suffer from depression!
Take care:hugs:
Before I met my partner, I'd often look at people I knew who were I fruitless relationships. I'd hear them whinge about their partner & I'd really wonder why they were with them. Also I'd very much believe that personally, I would rather not be in a relationship than be in one that wasn't truly a happy one where both people respected each other and were comfortable in each others company.
Also, if you are in an unproductive relationship, this may well be enough to stop you finding that soul mate who is out there waiting for you.
In my whole life I have only had one serious relationship (the one with my current partner). prior to that, other than a couple of boyfriends, I haven't had any relationships at all. I waited a very long time but rather than actively seek a partner, while I waiting for someone to come along that I really felt I could trust, I satisfied myself keeping busy playing lots of sport. Of course I looked at other people in relationships & really wanted that to be me. But I felt so bad about myself I really believed I'd never find anyone.
Waiting might not be everyone's way to do it, but I have had alot of trouble trusting people so a half hearted relationship was never an option. It only dawned on my partner and I now much we liked each other when we spent a bit of time apart. At this point, we did ring each other a few times & it was really good to do that. we'd find ourselves really looking forward to each others calls. We had been good friends about three years before anything happened. Then we were both scared that if things didn't work out, we would lose our close friendship. That was a long time ago now and I am so glad I didn't run away from the decision & took the plunge.
Sometimes, when you least expect it, something can just happen. I have always believed you cant make love happen. If its destiny it, you will click with someone naturally.
Don't forget as well, look at potential partners in a somewhat reflective way too. Often, the ones who you feel most attracted to, can actually be the ones who would least Suit you in a long term relationship. There is no harm at all in taking things slowly. If the idea is to spend years or even the rest of your life with this person, then take your time. As I said, I really do feel that love comes naturally, you,can't force it.
Hope this is helpful, it is only my humble opinion of course as I'm not exactly the worlds greatest expert where relationships are concerned.
...if you are in an unproductive relationship, this may well be enough to stop you finding that soul mate who is out there waiting for you.
...Sometimes, when you least expect it, something can just happen. I have always believed you cant make love happen. If its destiny it, you will click with someone naturally.
Don't forget as well, look at potential partners in a somewhat reflective way too. Often, the ones who you feel most attracted to, can actually be the ones who would least Suit you in a long term relationship. There is no harm at all in taking things slowly. If the idea is to spend years or even the rest of your life with this person, then take your time. As I said, I really do feel that love comes naturally, you,can't force it.
I think that's very good wisdom and advice. Thank you. My impatient personality isn't well suited to taking things slowly. But I am trying at the moment.
I have experienced the same abuse of trust with some friends but mainly with ex-girlfriends. I have always been a soft touch and in my experience I seem to attract people who pick up on that and end up taking advantage. All I want is someone likeminded who is understanding but I seem to be a terrible judge of character. Like you, I like to see the best in people, and if something bad happens I give them the benefit of the doubt; but all this does is prove how naïve I am! The ugly truth is there are some cruel people out there and you have to keep your guard up.
But I'd also like to think that for every trust-abusing person there are 10 decent people, only I have yet to find that person myself. The one thing that would really help me the way I've been recently is to have someone's arms around me, I just crave that so badly. Being of a sensitive nature really doesn't help when you suffer from depression!
Maxie, that's really bad that people take advantage of you. Don't let them. I think that people will behave differently depending on who they are with. If people sense that you are too trusting, some of them will take the chance to be a bit abusive, just because they can. Don't let them behave that way. I think that most people want to be good too, so maybe with your help they can change if you show them how to not take advantage of you.
I know exactly what you mean about having someone's arms around you... when I was depressed I did a yoga class which involved a few minutes of invigorating massage at the end of every lesson - nothing too intimate, but the body contact was really valuable. That kind of sounds a bit creepy! But studies show that people need human touch, it makes them happy, and without it, life just isn't as good. Everyone needs hugs :bighug1:
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