why do i think this?

[tricia56]

hi im scared to let go of anxiety. because ii keep thinking that if i overcome my anxiety and feel normal again something else will happen to me like ill get cancer or something , as when i first started suffering with anxiety 7 yrs ago i met a friend who i hadnt seen for a whileand we got chatting and i told her i sufferd with anxiety quite bad and then she told me that she sufferd with it for years and it finally went but then she got breast cancer and ever since then it has stook in my mind so i dont know weather because of what she said im scared to let it go as ive always thought all my life that if something good happens to me something bad follows as thats always been the case with me sorry for all this being so negative but its just worring me why i always think this way and if any one can possible give me advice as to why i think like it thks

[inCOGnito]

This is a good realisation you have had. And probably deeper than you realise.

I used to have that kind of thinking where you believe something bad will happen if something good happens. But that is just part of the general fear function. The fear function that looks for any thing and any reason that something bad might happen. So your mind conjured up these kinds of beliefs to try and protect you. Your mind will also look for evidence that supports your belief and, conveniently, ignore evidence that doesn't support it.

Due to this you've used what has happened to your friend as evidence that supports your belief. Thing is, regardless of whether you beat anxiety or not there will always be stomach bugs, accidents, and adverse life events. Just understand that it is a tendency of the anxious mind to attribute these bad things to something they did it didn't do. Know it is only an anxious thought, accept it and let it go.

Going back to my first point about it being a deeper realisation - every human builds a sense if self, a sense if identity. Part of that identity is the 'anxious one'. When you have a sense of identity you don't want to let it go (although of course you say you do). So it's difficult to let the anxiety go because what are you without it? That unfamiliarity and uncertainty can be scary in itself. Firstly realise 'you' are not the anxiety.

[John Harvey Kellogg]

It is so hard to let go of it. It's because you're brain is telling you that because you're anxious there must be something wrong (fight or flight stuff). Even though you have worked yourself up for whatever reason, through whatever cause, to be anxious about nothing! Or nothing important. All these thoughts are a con, they are a physiological response to exaggerated stress levels, and the way you lose them, is not by rationalising (you can't do it), not by running away (worst thing you can do!) and not by fighting. Why? Because all these responses give MEANING to the thoughts, and with meaning comes the physical response again, more adrenaline, more symptoms, more anxiety. So what do you do? You accept them unreservedly, and let any anxiety or panic (as much as you can) wash over you, and you will see that from not acting on your thoughts, nothing bad ever happens even though you feel like it will. By doing this, your brain will gradually lessen the significance of your thoughts, which in turn means the symptoms lessen, which decreases the significance even more etc etc. This is how people are cured of agoraphobia, and other phobias. By accepting, not fighting or running away. Its physiology, and it works. Good luck.

[tricia56]

thank you incognito and john for the very good advice you both have gave me is gave me a better understanding. i have trouble understanding and i dont want to sound as if im im abit stupid but i dont know what people mean when they say let the thoughts go or dont act on the thoughts as for the life f me i cant seem to do it as when i get a thought or a feeling straight away i answer that thought by why am i thinking that thought or why am i feeling like this and then i keep thinking about it all day and get really anxuiose , so i dont know if im doing it all the wrong way or dont know what to say to myself when i get the thoughts and feelings sorry if i dont make any sense i find it hard to explain things thk u

[inCOGnito]

It's not easy tricia. I'm 31 and have 31 odd years of conditioning to counter-condition! It's a bit like trying to teach an old dog who has been used to jumping on the sofa not to do that anymore! It tales patience and the correct approach. Shouting at the dog and asking yourself why he does every time isn't so helpful.

The trouble with anxiety is that the thoughts come with such an emotional valence that your attention gets sucked in with such gravity. Don't fight the thoughts. Acknowledge that it's an anxious thought, acknowledge it's presence, and understand that it is only a thought and is not reality. Start to tackle the beliefs that the thoughts are built on. This is what I have been doing.

[John Harvey Kellogg]

Try this. Every time you have a negative thought, or a worry, say to yourself: I accept that I am having this thought. I will not fight it, I will not run away from it, I will not rationalise it. I will let my mind linger on this thought for as long as it needs to, and when it is done, it will matter no longer.
This is called willing acceptance, and if you have an nervous condition brought on by stress, then practising this will eventually work wonders. It cured me of anxiety after over a decade, and it also helped me deal with, and recover from brutal withdrawal effects from various medication. I am drug free and happier than ever! This approach works. I could go into detail, but instead you should just pick up a copy of Self Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes (google her if you don't believe me). The key is treating your anxiety as a symptom of extreme mental and physical exhaustion, and acceptance.
If you eat healthily, cut out sugar from your diet, exercise, try meditating and accept everything unreservedly, things will change. You can ignore this message if you want, but when you start taking control and making changes, you will be amazed at what you can achieve.

---------- Post added at 17:49 ---------- Previous post was at 17:44 ----------

Here's a thread on Claire Weekes, seems like I'm not alone in recommending her! This woman changed my life. Her book should be prescribed before any medication. nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=10488