Confrontation

[BubblegumUK]

Didn't know where to put this one, but...
How do you deal with confrontation without getting worked up and emotional? I used to cut for 11 years, and came so close today after a manager started having a go at me, not just once, but 3 or 4 times over the course of a few hours. She was being really nasty and having a go at my productivity and saying i wasn't meeting my case rate etc and blah blah blah.

I tried to remain calm and i defended myself the best i could but i couldn't help but tremble with adrenaline and anger and upset.

Confrontation/stress is my biggest trigger and weakness and i avoid it at all costs, but i also don't like being spoke down to or singled out so i will speak up, but it never comes across confidently and my voice always cracks or i can't get my words out or i get that horrible blood rushing from your head kinda feeling.

I really want to sort it out but i don't know how, its worse when you don't see it coming and it catches you off guard too.

Thankyou

[flori]

I hope someone is able to come up with an answer to this one because I am like you. I wouldn`t put up with anyone treating me like that either and would be all worked up too afterwards. But at least you were able to stick up for yourself and get your point across.
If that saves you from cutting-good.
There is no need for nastiness/bullying in the workplace. Would you go higher up than her and complain. I know it`s not easy and sometimes it can make it more difficult for you.
It`s sad that people do not want to complain for fear of this, and the bully gets off.

[Sparkle1984]

Was it your own line manager who was having a go at you, or was it another manager in your department? If the latter, could you speak to your own manager about how it made you feel?

When you said case rate, is it some sort of legal work that you do? One thing I could suggest is that you arrange a meeting with this manager (when she is in a better mood) and discuss anything you could do to improve your case rate, and you could ask if there is any additional training or mentoring that could help you. Make sure you prepare some notes before the meeting so you'll be less likely to get tongue-tied.

Good luck and I hope it's resolved soon. :)

[BubblegumUK]

Thankyou both so much for replying.

Basically my department manager M was happy with my work, he even said i was flying through the stuff (i'm a shelf stacker at shitty sainsburys) I got all of it done apart from a bit of dressing (moving stock to front of shelf) on the aisle.

So in the morning at 5am another department manager came in early, she was due to take over from M when we finished at 8am.

She came in and was having a right old moan at M (she lays into a lot of people) and then came over to me and asked why weren't the drinks dressing done? i said i just ran out of time, didn't have time to finish it. At this point she tried to stare me out (she likes to think that by staring at people without saying anything is supposed to intimidate them, doesn't work with me it just pisses me off)
Anyway she said i didn't push hard enough to finish the aisle, i said i worked hard all night to finish that, if you don't believe me you can check the security cameras. she said "oh we do" i'd like to stress this wasn't in an arsey tone when i said that.

Later on she came back to me and started ripping into me saying i wasn't hitting my case rate (so many cases to put out in an hour, supposed average which is crap because it doesn't take into account rotation, waling to different aisles etc) i once again defended myself and said "i think i've done pretty well all night, i've got all the drinks done" at this point my voice went weird and i spoke too fast which made me anxious, then she carried on going on about shit but i can't remember what she said because my adrenaline surged and i felt myself getting very angry so i turned away and carried on putting out stock and didn't answer anymore, if i would have continued to allow her to talk to me like that i would have either told her to **** off or gone upstairs and cut, neither would have been a smart move so i did what i thought was the best solution and just carry on with what i was doing, moments later she walked away anyway and still moaning as she walked off.

then there was a few other moments but you get the gist.

I came home feeling a bit low but i soon cheered up and went to bed for a few hours.

i got up at 1.45pm and since then till now i've been ruminating about the whole thing over and over and over again, i take my mind off onto something else and the boom! its back again.

She has it in for another colleague called J but he wasn't there yesterday, so i'm wondering if she was having a go at me cause there was nobody else to have a go at. E is new, C is her favourite, M covered his own back which just left me to take the blame.

She's like it with lots of people, she's made many grown men cry and piss them off so i know its not just me, but it really hurts to say i'm not working hard enough because i work hard, i've been their over 2 years and nobody, no manager has ever complained about my productivity, and i really wasn't expecting that barrage of abuse so it really caught me off guard.

The whole place is sooo bitchy and backstabbing, its the worst place i have ever worked. I'm thankful i've got a job but i don't like being spoke to like that.

Anyway, so that was pretty much what happened. I don't know how else i could have handled it, my body just took over into stressed out mode.

Anybody else had this? what did you do? anybody else work for sainsburys?

Thanks.