Have faith in you, YOU WILL get back to your old self

[Rainbow_001]

I was very thankful to have a supporting family and husband. Despite all these caring people around me, I have been in major depression for almost 6 weeks (I counted 6 weeks from the day my doctor diagnosed me with depression, but probably I had this sad feeling for a little while already). I started taking 20mg of citalopram 6 weeks ago, but everyday I was just telling myself I won't be getting any better. I was crying everyday and I couldn't get any sleep due to the side effects of the medication. "You will get better, I am very sure" is what every single family member keeps repeating to me everyday. And after six weeks, I finally feel I'm enjoying life once again. I feel much less anxious, I wouldn't cry for not being able to sleep, and most importantly, I am thinking less about negative stuff, so I could actually focus on something else like my work and my favourite hobbies. I think it could probably be the med finally taking effect, but I believe I have done many other things that could have fasten my healing, which I would like to share with you all:

1) read the "citalopram survival guide" by psychopoet. Understanding exactly what medication you are taking can sometimes give a big comfort and less uncertainties in the mind. Also, do believe that the medication will help you. I was having lots of side effects described in the guide: I couldn't sleep, was more anxious than before taking the med, was tired everyday and most importantly, I didn't feel that pill was doing any good to me. Be patient, because it does work.
2) read the citalopram survival guide" by psychopoet, because it brings lots of good positive thinking. I reread every time I'm having a down time,usually just reading the encouragement words that is usually highlight in bold.
3) Try to exercise everyday. I do 10-15 minutes jogging everyday and then some full body stretching, and when I feel like I have more energy, I would also so some light weight training
4) i take omega3 every night
5) I take vitamin b every morning, after my breakfast. I heard not to take it at night because it could gave a boost in energy.
6) positive thinking. I Keep telling myself " I will surely get well, it might take a while. It took a long time to make this damage to my body, so it might just take some time to heal and recover" . When I was depressed, it's always hard to get this message registered in my mind and all I believe is that I will never get well. But if that message could convince me for just 2seconds, that would still be 2 seconds of peace and good feeling i can get. Don't give up, you would just get better and better and you will eventually believe you are getting well.
7) reach out to your family and close friends for support. Like I said, I had a very caring family, and especially a very supportive sister. Whenever when I know I failed in thinking positive and I feel like I was drowning in all my negative thoughts, I would always give her a call to help me get out of that vicious negative-thinking circle. Never be afraid that you are hovering them, because they are your family, they do understand your pain and will try all possible ways to make you feel better.

I hope my story will help you. Believe that you will get well, maybe not right away, but it surely will!

[Tessar]

Rainbow, thank you for sharing your lovely positive story..... it's things like this that give people the belief they WILL get better in time.
Also, recommending the information provided by psychopoet about citalopram - as this will surely be helping many people too and will continue to do so in the future.
I'm really pleased for you that you have found happiness again.... well done you!!!

[jelly2010]

Thank you so much for sharing! I've been having a rough few weeks and on occasion I am convinced I will never be well again or be 'my old self.'
Your story has been very reassuring.
I'm so pleased for you that you are feeling better!
Take care,
J x

[Rainbow_001]

I'm really glad i can be of some help. I still don't consider myself to be fully recovered (just yesterday i got a bit anxious and didn't have a good night sleep again:weep:)..it's still a long road ahead but let's all remember we will get well one day. :)

[Rainbow_001]

So I've thought of giving you all a little update on myself since my first post.

After the initial post, i kept taking citalopram for one full year. I feel like my life was back to normal and the sun is shining everyday. I know the happy pill helped me (yes, i renamed the med to "the-happy-pill" because i find calling it the-antidepressant-pill just made me too depressing), but I also know I can come off it one day. So i worked very hard for it and basically doing religiously all that I've listed in my initial post on a daily basis. Then in March 2014, I knew it was the time. I taper off the happy pill bit by bit, and was completely off by May. I did feel some withdrawal effects, such as anxiety(but nothing that i cannot control with deep breathings), and some depressed moments. I have faith i will get well!
So then, i was happy pill-free for a several good months until suddenly the beast came back to hit me, and this time hitting me very hard! I could not sleep, and get very anxious that I cannot sleep every night, which in return make me even harder to fall asleep. I was crying a lot, and most of the time for no reason at all. Sometimes, I would ask myself why am I doing all this effort to avoid myself from getting a relapse, and at the end the beast is still back after just a few months!! I was very angry at myself, very mad at the situation, very frustrated at my dad (because I always believe he's the one who inherited me that condition). I was even thinking if it would be better if I just disappear from this world.
I went to see my doctor again, and he concluded that the beast indeed came back. I already knew, but hearing him say it made me completely devastated. Why is it coming back again? Most importantly, why is it coming back again while I’ve thought I’m already doing everything to prevent it?
So, having that said, I’m back on the happy-pill now. It’s now my second day and I feel terrible. I’m super tired and feeling very anxious the whole day. I have a weird side effect that I also had the first time, that is I’m also feeling hungry. I would feel hungry as fast as I put down my fork after a meal, that’s how crazy it is!!! So my trick now is to eat at the same time as my husband, so when I feel hungry I would refer to him to tell me if he’s feeling hungry too. If he’s also feeling hungry then maybe it’s really the time for another meal, if he’s still full then that means that hungry feeling is actually not real.

I know what to expect this time, and all the side effects that come with it, so maybe for that reason I’m much more hopeful this time around. I have my good moments (like right now as I’m writing this), and I have the very bad moments when I just keep on crying and crying. But I’m telling myself things will get better again. It sure will.

For those out there who needs to take an anti-depressant for a second time, don’t give up! We’ll all go through it, it is just a matter of time. Keep exercising, keep eating well and keep thinking positive. I’m in a low in my life, but I hope again my story will help you.

[swgrl09]

I'm in a place where I did really well for a year on meds and came off just fine. Here I am 5-6 months later and I feel like I need to go back on them. I have been trying so hard not to, but maybe I should.

Thank you for your story. It helps me realize that it is OK if I have to go back on meds. It happens! It's like taking antibiotics for a cold. If it makes me feel better, then I should do it. My quality of life has gone downhill due to this damn anxiety. I can't enjoy my life anymore.

I am leaning towards going back on them, but just don't have time to get back to the doctor with my new job ...

---------- Post added at 20:14 ---------- Previous post was at 20:13 ----------

Also just to add - it is nice to read that you are in good spirits despite what you are going through and it is refreshing to hear such a positive spin on things. Thank you

[MyNameIsTerry]

I did this too Rainbow. I came off Citalopram and at first I was ok but over the next 6 months I kept slipping again and I relapsed.

I think its because I didn't cover all the bases and it allowed my anxiety & depression to seap back. This time I'm taking a longer approach and looking at all the areas in my life where I feel I am lacking.

Good luck to you! You got out before and you can do it again!

If its any use to you, I started taking high strength Omega 3 a couple of months ago and my mood has been far better. Even when I sink or the anxiety flares up,. I find I have more of an ability to turn it around. I did read about studies of Omega 3 on depression and it was either EPA or DHA set at a minimum of 1000mg per day (can't remember which without googling) that showed promise. Most of the Omega 3 supplements on the market don't give this but I found that some of the liquid forms do. Perhaps see what yours gives and see if an increase would help? At worst its good for your physical health anyway.

[Jabz]

guys, i never got on the happy-pill and i've been through the same experiences.

it's not about the pill, the happy pill certainly helps, but it doesn't teach the behavior and cognitive thinking that's required to consistently keep the beast at bay.

i've had good days, great months and I've had bad months and bad weeks. I relapse quite often, however, I don't consider it relapsing, I consider it part of life. Everyone gets gloomy days, literally everyone. It's just our gloomy days are a little bit darker than most, but the key is to remember that if left alone our moods are like waves, up and down. However if you begin to get frustrated, angered, and upset by your mood because you feel like "why is this coming back !!!, aaargh" you will cause the mood to stay longer and persist harder. It's just the nature of the beast, every negative emotion/thought fuels it.

Every time I've relapsed I noticed a pattern and a cause for why I relapsed and it usually had to do with something that I used to do that I stopped doing, be it keeping a good sleeping schedule. or exercising regularly. or doing my therapeutic exercises. or finding ways to de-stress (such as meditation on the beach).once I stop doing those for a week or two, I start to slowly lose my happiness and become anxious and stressed out which then slowly brings everything back.

what happens is, I feel happy enough that I forget about doing my exercises. My therapist calls it being aggressive in therapy, meaning, you have to do it when youre anxious/depressed AND also do it when you're happy and not stressed. You have to do it all the time, because otherwise it's just being reactive. You only do it when you're already anxious, but by that time its a lot harder.

this is the hard part, i still struggle with accepting this, but people with Diabetes have to continuously check their blood sugar levels and take medication, for the rest of their lives. there is no option to give up, it's just part of life. our conditions are no different, we have to manage them for the rest of our lives, whether its being on top of our diet/sleep/exercise and whether we are happy or not.

but at least managing depression/anxiety is a healthy way of living. stress is the number one killer and at least managing depression/anxiety keeps stress to minimal levels and we learn the skills and tools necessary to do that, while most ordinary folk dont.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree Jabz, its all about filling in the gaps that create an environment which allows anxiety to flourish.

I don't agree that this is management though because I never had anxiety before my thirties so I can retrain myself out of it, although I may not succeed and end up managing it instead but I do believe there is a cure. It doesn't have to be a life long condition and perhaps through cognitive retraining we may learn not to respond to potential triggers hence not falling back into the trap even when we decrease our healthy behaviours. The latter for me is a possibility since I lived for high stress roles before I hit the wall and it was how I reacted to the initial panic attacks & anxiety that set the foundations for the long term disorders.

Phobias are a good example of how anxiety can be cured.