Another newbie

[Ducky]

Hello,

Have suffered from depression, chronic anxiety, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and lord knows what else for almost as long as I can remember.

Then, in December 2010, I lost my only son and my world fell apart. There is nothing left for me now, but I am too much of a coward to do anything about it.

Not much else to say, other than I wish I wasn't here.

Ducky

[jelly2010]

Hi ducky

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I really do sympathise.
Please know you are not alone and people on this forum are kind and supportive.
Wishing you all the best,
J x

[flori]

Hi and :welcome:

So sorry on the loss of your son. It must be the worst experience that could happen to a parent and I would probably feel the same as you. that I have nothing to live for if it happened to me.

But you are not a coward, you are grieving for your son and that is why you feel that way. Help is available. Please go to your Doctor and seek medical help as soon as possible.

[hanj16]

Hi Ducky,

A warm welcome to the site. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I can't begin to comprehend what you've been through and continue to go through but as Jelly says you are not alone. This is a great little community with people who are always here to offer comfort and support.

Wishing you the very best
Hannah :hugs:

[Ducky]

Hi and :welcome:

So sorry on the loss of your son. It must be the worst experience that could happen to a parent and I would probably feel the same as you. that I have nothing to live for if it happened to me.

But you are not a coward, you are grieving for your son and that is why you feel that way. Help is available. Please go to your Doctor and seek medical help as soon as possible.

I have tried everything and nothing has helped. All I can hope for is to not wake up one morning soon and then the pain will have gone for ever.

[jelly2010]

I have tried everything and nothing has helped. All I can hope for is to not wake up one morning soon and then the pain will have gone for ever.

Ducky please don't give up - there will be something out there to help you. Even if it's just talking to us on here. I can't imagine how it feels to lose your child and I know what we say might seem trivial compared to how you are feeling but please know people care about you.

There is help out there. I think it would be worthwhile speaking to your GP - not necessarily about medication to help you but about the different support groups available in your community. People want to help you.
Love, J x

[Ducky]

I have seen GPs several times and they have tweaked my meds, seen a bereavement counsellor, posted on countless forums, but nothing has helped. How can anything help, when the only person you loved and cared for has gone forever? When my son died, 99% of me went as well. Now I am waiting for the last 1% to go. The sooner the better.

[flori]

Please Ducky,
I know nobody knows what it must feel like, unless they have went through losing a child themselves. It must be terribly unbearable. Do you have other family members around you that are sharing in your grief. Please talk to someone.

[Ducky]

My family have let me down very badly and I no longer have any contact with any family members. I have a few close friends but what can they do? I just feel so guilty - my son was an alcoholic and I couldn't stop him drinking. Sometimes the grief and sadness are just so overwhelming.

[flori]

The grief must be overwhelming. It`s a really tragic thing that has happened in your life.
I`m sorry that your family let you down and you have no contact with them. Your friends can only be there to listen and help you when you need them. Don`t blame yourself Ducky for your son drinking. We, parents can only be there to guide them, sometimes they don`t listen and it`s not our fault if they go wrong.
And really, your son wouldn`t want you to give up on life now , would he.

[Ducky]

My son and I were both Buddhist - he was convinced about rebirth and said he would come back as a dog. I am not so sure about rebirth. For him, death was nothing to be afraid of, just the next inevitable step on the path to Nirvana. But for those left behind, it doesn't feel much like Nirvana, more like The Rolling Stones.