View Full Version : 1 year anxiety anniversary....
In about a month it will be exactly a year to the day when anxiety totally changed my life. Although I've always been more anxious than average and there were definite triggers for my breakdown I can pin point the exact moment it all went crazy. I had just had some lunch and was walking the dog on the beach feeling completely relaxed and normal when a wave of the most terrifying panic hit me accompanied by extreme dizzyness and acute depersonalization and derealization. I won't go into all the details but I was a jibbering, useless wreck for 6 months and, although I'm back doing most of the things I did before, it's left me with no self confidence, no self esteem, obsessive thoughts and a fear of going mad.
I know it's probably not helpful to fixate on this date but there was a very well defined 'before' and 'after' point for me so its hard not to. I think this is called a memorable onset. I really thought I'd be over this by now, its pretty depressing to still be struggling each and every day :(. Sorry for the negative post, feeling sorry for myself today.
x
Well, you made it through one year! Congrats on coming this far (and proving to yourself you can survive this)!
I can pinpoint the exact moment that my anxiety started up as well - like you, I was always a bit of an anxious person but there was one day in particular where a feeling of "doom" just washed over me and it all kind of got worse, particularly with health anxiety. That was 5 years ago and I *still* struggle with anxiety/health anxiety but I do believe I have gotten better at coping with it.
Keep on keepin' on. Trust me, you can make it!
5 years, wow. How have you done it and does it get easier? I'm still angry about what happened to me and still spend loads of time trying to work out why it happened and when (if ever) it will end.
I think my biggest worry is about being able to have children. I'm 31 and I can end up in floods of tears even if the dog misbehaves! I think I'd make a terrible mother right now and wouldn't even consider having kids until my mental state improves.
Thanks for the positive reply :) xxx
:bighug1:Hi Lissa, I'm on nine years this spring. However, I have had weeks, months even of being normal in that time. As for worrying about having kids, so many people suffer with this. They are sensitive people who are most caring parents. Like you eat an elephant - one bite at a time is the way to make progress. Try not to over think [says she who is always over thinking!]. Take care Teresa
textilemagician
07-05-13, 21:13
November 2009 - I remember it well , my first panic attack and then the general anxiety set int- tis only this year that doctor got me evaluated and diagnosed work related anxiety. I the put in a bullying and harrassment complaint against my boss and a co-worker - who happens to be her best friend. Just gone back to work Thurs after being off since December - had a panic attack this afternoon over a work related issue. I have three children and my answer with them is smile - they don't need my issues and I feel I have done well with that. They are now 19,18 and 15. But we understand things other people don't and I have kids that do not judge. Children bring out the caring side of us and give us something to focus on that is positive. I think I tried my best and they are brilliant. Don't let all this anxiety put you off - as Tessie28 said we make the most sensitive parents. I have had many teachers over the years tell me what rounded children they are. Dont let all this put you off it is the most rewarding pastime!
John Harvey Kellogg
07-05-13, 22:55
I am 13 years on from the moment anxiety really bit me (I was 18 but had spent my entire teenage years with mild ptsd), and I have been through hell, like so many others. But 5 years ago I decided I did not want to "learn to live with it" anymore. And I decided I did not want to be on medication, and be constantly tired. And after the hell of coming off Effexor, followed by 4 years of coming off Citalopram that they put me on to help me come off Effexor (keeping up?) I was so broken that I had a total physical and mental meltdown. Iller than I'd ever been.
But by this point, I had read enough and researched enough that I was ready for a battle, and I strongly believed that (even though the drs told me otherwise) I could make myself well, without drugs, and that I could stay well and be happy. Bear in mind that I hadn't been properly happy since I was a little kid, so I was really putting it on the line.
That was last July. I had 6 months off work (I could hardly get off the sofa for months) and had to move in with my folks, and I went to the drs only once or twice because all they would do was give me prescriptions which I refused to use (much to their annoyance). Now, 9 months on, I am at work full time, living with friends again, and I am very much drug free. I still have tired days, and my tolerance to stress is building, but I have days now when I feel genuinelly happy, excited, relaxed. I wake up and for the first time I can remember I don't have to drag myself out of bed. I feel closer to my friends and family than I ever have, and I am starting to feel more and more like I never believed I could. Normal, and happy.
So what did I do? Firstly I read a book called Self Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes. It opened my eyes to the nature of nervous illness. Then I read a book called Adrenal Fatigue by James Wilson, which made me understand the physical workings of stress and it's relation to fatigue, poor diet etc. I changed my diet, I cut out sugar and refined foods (not fully, but mostly!), and I ate loads of veg, and loads of healthy proteins. I began to use guided meditations (and binaural beats) on youtube, I am not spiritual really, but the relaxation allows your mind to clear and your body to concentrate on healing itself. I changed my way of thinking. I refused to let myself wallow, on the days I couldn't move I would listen to new music, watch new films. When I got down about being 32, unemployed and living with parents, and iller than ever, I told myself how nice it was to spend more time with my parents and how much I would learn from this experience. I looked at the bigger picture - in a hundred years, my anxiety, my problems will not mean a jot to anyone (this really helped!!). The universe will keep unfolding whether I am at work/single/ill or not. I can't tell you the difference that relentless, blind optimism has made to me as a person. I did not believe it at first, but I told myself anyway. Now I am a new man!
Sorry to waffle, but all I am trying to do is share my experience. I now see how pointless all this suffering is. I would never promise cure to anyone, only that 9 months ago I was at an all time low after 13 years of medication and suffering. Now I am on no medication at all, and I am gearing up to enjoy the rest of my life, in a way I never thought possible. Believe it or not I would not change a day of my anxiety, because I am so happy with the person I am becoming. If I can do it, anyone can.
Start with the books, learn about it, understand it, believe in yourself and your bodies ablility to heal itself: it is ALL physical. Eat well, meditate, be positive, accept EVERYTHING unquestioningly, and you will be amazed. Take control.
enjoyed reading this post it is such a postive one so happy you are getting the life we all want good luck to you take care trish xx
Its really nice reading so many positive experiences from long-term sufferers. I'm not sure I've fully accepted anxiety in my life. I keep waiting to wake up one day and feel normal again which is probably what's holding me back. But it's nice to know that anxiety can actually make you a better parent which had never occurred to me. I know I picked up some of my mothers anxious habits - as a child I was always too scared to do things like go on fairground rides because she was nervous about it - and I would hate to pass my anxieties on to a child.
JHK - it sounds like you've had a breakthrough with the way you think about anxiety which is great. I think learning about it is something I really need to do xxx
John Harvey Kellogg
08-05-13, 19:43
On the first page of Self Help for Your Nerves, there is a line that says: If you follow the advice in the book, you WILL DEFINITELY be cured. I didn't believe for a second that it would work, as loads of other books had failed for me. I even thought how awful it was that someone would make a promise like that. But then I read it, and something clicked. I spent most of the book in tears, finally I was beginning to get it. Then I read it again. And again. Then I began to believe it. Now I am cured. The book costs a few quid. So you can either spend the next year getting angry, feeling bad, even wallowing (I know I did). Or, you can buy the book online right now, immediately feel good that you are starting to take control of it, that you are not going to give in, and see what happens. I have absolutely nothing to gain financially from you buying this book, I don't care where you buy it from, second hand, new whatever. But I know that it changed my life (cliche but true), and there is absolutely no way I am going to let other people suffer when I know there is something that can (almost certainly) help, if not cure. So if this sounds preachy or forced or whatever, honestly I am only trying to spread the word! People don't need to suffer like this. Hopefully one day you will do the same.
Id like to echo Johns words and also sing the praises of Self Help For Your Nerves. I too have read the book from cover to cover several times and truly believe it saved me from going deeper and deeper into anxiety.
I don't have panic attacks any longer but still do suffer from some symptoms - mainly dizziness. Its annoying but doesn't frighten me or escalate into full blown panic like it used to. I am determined to keep accepting and floating, as recommended in the book and am sure that one day even the dizziness will disappear. There are copies of the book for a couple of pounds on amazon - well worth it. I have read loads of other books on anxiety and none of them have 'spoken' to me like this one. I have had CBT, hypnotherapy and a course of SSRIs but I credit this book with helping me the most.
John Harvey Kellogg
08-05-13, 20:52
Chris: if you have dissolved the panic into just dizziness, then you are well well on the way. Check out the Adrenal Fatigue book I mentioned. Anxiety is exhausting, you will definitely be suffering from some degree of fatigue. If you increase the strength of your adrenal glands, your cortisol levels should normalise, as should your blood sugar, and you will help your body on it's way. That book should be on prescription. Effort!
In about a month it will be exactly a year to the day when anxiety totally changed my life. Although I've always been more anxious than average and there were definite triggers for my breakdown I can pin point the exact moment it all went crazy. I had just had some lunch and was walking the dog on the beach feeling completely relaxed and normal when a wave of the most terrifying panic hit me accompanied by extreme dizzyness and acute depersonalization and derealization. I won't go into all the details but I was a jibbering, useless wreck for 6 months and, although I'm back doing most of the things I did before, it's left me with no self confidence, no self esteem, obsessive thoughts and a fear of going mad.
I know it's probably not helpful to fixate on this date but there was a very well defined 'before' and 'after' point for me so its hard not to. I think this is called a memorable onset. I really thought I'd be over this by now, its pretty depressing to still be struggling each and every day :(. Sorry for the negative post, feeling sorry for myself today.
x
GOSH yep , I'm exactly the same mine was 7th Feb 2011. What a shame my life's never been the same since. Yes I've learnt ways to deal & understand it but it's bloody hard and a life changining experience for me. X
Chris: if you have dissolved the panic into just dizziness, then you are well well on the way. Check out the Adrenal Fatigue book I mentioned. Anxiety is exhausting, you will definitely be suffering from some degree of fatigue. If you increase the strength of your adrenal glands, your cortisol levels should normalise, as should your blood sugar, and you will help your body on it's way. That book should be on prescription. Effort!
Cheers for that John. Yes is just the dizziness now. Its more annoying / exhausting than anything else. I will definitely check out Adrenal Fatigue.
Cheers for your advice mate
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