Constant negative babble in my head (fears about the future)

[Tessar]

I'm curious to know if anyone else gets this. I 've been like it for as long as I can remember but it's like my mind never shuts up.
Even if I'm busy at work there is spare brain capacity that I find is like a negative tape reel going round & round. The subject swings between derogatory things said to me over the years (self-worth, appearance etc) & fears over the future.

.....if you don't like worrying about the future....please don't read on.....

I do have fears about the future & know one day I will die. i accept that but in the scheme of things it sometimes makes me feel what is the point. I know it is one of the things that keeps me depressed but this irritating babble keeps going in the background.

I do have "quiet times" when my mind finally shuts up... Usually this is if i am very busy & I know that I would advise other people feeling like this to use distraction. I know also that I need to bring this to a head in relation to the future as I have felt this way for a couple of years.

I know some of the thoughts are down to my past, being tormented & bullied and I am working on my self-belief (it is getting much better).

The concerns I have over the future were triggered when a couple of my oldest friends died a couple of years ago. One of them was like a second dad to me & he was one of the nicest people I have met in my life. This caused a huge shift in where I saw myself in the course of life & is a problem I know I need to deal with as it eats away at my enthusiasm for life. I have looked for meaning in life, such as why we are here & so on. I have settled on being satisfied that I can be a good person & make a difference to others. At the same time I can have fun too with other people & we can exist happily together. People are the most valued things in my life. Friends, (nice) family, valued colleagues.

I'm sure I am not alone in having unhelpful chatter going on in the back of my mind all the time. I feel this must be something i can improve on as I am becoming successful with self-esteem stuff. But the concerns I have over the future keep coming round.

For instance, I took a nice walk in the sun at lunchtime, along fields next to where I work. Instead of enjoying the beautiful surroundings (& I did try to... I was listening to the birds, looking at pretty flowers) but my mind kept thinking it's all rather pointless really because of my fears over the future.

I have realised I am already thinking these things before I even go out for a walk. So I suppose am setting myself up to think about it - rather than just go for a walk with an empty mind & just enjoy my surroundings.

It used to be something I enjoyed a lot but since my (abusive, unkind) brother died last year, my enthusiasm for walking has gone, along with enjoying things like cycling. Mainly because my mind got filled with messy stuff from the past. i have dealt with most of it now & I do know I need to push myself & I am beginning to do these things again. I can enjoy them again, surely.

I am seeing a counsellor & will bring this fear of the future thing up with her next week. I know I need to as I have been dealing with lots of other things first and now this is one of the last ones to tackle (but perhaps one of the biggest). Sorting this one out feels like it is key to enjoying the rest of my life.

Sorry this is a depressing post, I have wanted to mention this for a while but was worried i might plant the same fears in someone else's mind & i hate the idea of that, although I am sure I am not the only one who feels like this. Thanks for reading....

[Annie0904]

Oh Tessar you are so like me and I wish we could switch our minds of sometimes! My mind has however been arguing with itself :) Positive V negative thoughts. My counsellor said that is a good thing. My fears about the future really started when I lost 2 of my best friends, one to asthma and the other ovarian cancer. I started questioning things and thinking what is the point?! But you know what, the future is what you make it and we can make it something better (if we can get over our fears!) I think seeing friends and family lose their life's so young has given me the determination to overcome my fears and anxieties so that I can do something with my life and enjoy it. I am making plans of things to do even though they may be making me more anxious initially (like going on holiday). Oh I fear now that my bath may be running over so I will be back later :D

[Tessar]

You are right, Annie, on all counts. Your reply even brought a little tear to my eye ..... Thankyouuuuuuu

[lashes]

So glad to have read this my mind never stops being negative I just want to shout at it to shut up ! I'm trying to do this positive thing but its so difficult it's like my mind is in negative mode automatically I wish I could find a Way of dealing with the constant negative mind chattering , i feel guilty about feeling sorry for myself as theres people in much worse situations ,if you have any tips let me know ! X

[Annie0904]

You have to challenge your negative thoughts and yes it seems strange when your thoughts then start arguing. It was like watching a tennis match for me..my eyes seemed to be going all over the place looking from one thought to the other and I thought I was really cracking up! :D My therapist said that was good a it is a step in the right direction when you are challenging your negatives into positives :D

[lashes]

Thanks ! :) I'm guna give this thought challenging a go ! I tend to jump to quickly to the whole what's the point life's awful about little things that really aren't important ! I'd love to be able to get to a point where I can think of nothing but what im doing for 5 minutes, god giving myself a headache lol x

[Annie0904]

This may sound silly but because I like Winnie the Pooh I think of it like I have Piglet and Pooh in my head :roflmao: Piglet says "What if it rains" Pooh says "But what if it doesn't" Piglet says "What if the tree falls on our heads" Pooh says "What if it doesn't" So when I go on holiday I will be Piglet saying "what if the plane crashes and the Winnie the Pooh in my head will be saying "but what if it doesn't" :D

[lashes]

Hehe that's a really good idea ! I think I'm going to try say them out loud ( when I'm on my own ) lol it always seems more ridiculous when I say it out loud because I try to imagine someone was saying that to me and I'd probably say dont be silly that's not likely atall i think if I was less negative it would help with my anxiety and pretty much everything ! x

[Tessar]

So I am not the only one, phew.
Maybe I am having that "conversation" with myself, Annie? As I am doing alot of arguing back I guess & I just hadn't realised it. Maybe this is why it's bothering me so much at the moment because I am trying to oust all of that crap & like an insect that's got it's teeth into me, it doesn't want to let go without a fight.

lashes, I know what you mean about giving yourself a headache.
If we all shout "shut up" at the same time, perhaps these thoughts will just stop!!! Failing that we will all have to answer back to the negative chatter.
I'll be interested to hear how your thought challenging goes. I am like you too, knowing that others are worse off. But we all do have problems so don't be too hard on yourself, instead target those darned negative vibes and tell them they aren't welcome in your head any more.

[Annie0904]

Hehe that's a really good idea ! I think I'm going to try say them out loud ( when I'm on my own ) lol it always seems more ridiculous when I say it out loud because I try to imagine someone was saying that to me and I'd probably say dont be silly that's not likely atall i think if I was less negative it would help with my anxiety and pretty much everything ! x
I am pleased you didn't think I had lost the plot!:roflmao: It really does help if you can be more positive about things. My therapist said for everything I worry about, I have to write a list of positives..like you are in court and giving evidence on both sides.

[Tessar]

If you have lost the plot, Annie, I don't know where that would leave the rest of us!!!!:w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w 00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w0 0t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2::w00t2:

[Annie0904]

:D

[Tessar]

i have felt more positive today & tried not to let the negative stuff take hold, i am sure that sharing yesterday made me feel better..... thank you......NMP friends!

[Tessar]

Been working hard to keep the negative critical voices at bay today.

[Tessar]

Despite my efforts to minimise it, the babble still goes on. I think what's happening is that because I am trying to deal with a load of stuff regarding the future, it's making it worse before it gets better. I keep reminding myself that only I can stop myself from doing negative things or only I can stop the negative thoughts. Its always good to feel encouraged & supported but I'm the one who has to do it. I shall stick at it..... & hoefully one day I wont be plagued by ridiculous & negative thoughts....

[Annie0904]

I have lots of those today too...we will have to ban them from our minds...:ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::b an::ban:

[Tessar]

:ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban:

I'm with you on that one, Annie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban::ban:

[Tessar]

I still am finding negatives buzzing round my head. My mind seems to run riot sometimes instead of just letting me concentrate on what I am doing. Even if I play music sometimes, my mind is still going on & on. "must work harder" springs to mind.....