cbornet
09-05-13, 02:37
Hey everybody. It's been awhile since I have posted; been feeling so much happier for the past 3 weeks or so, and just planning for the future and getting on with my life. However, the last couple days, I have been feeling the left sided "weirdness" again, just like it feels different from the right. I had experienced this before, but this time there was a little tingling as well. This really started to scare me. My original fears were ALS, but I know there isn't any tingling with that, and I just put it out of my mind. But now, I'm just terrified that I have a brain tumor. I start to link up things that have happened over the past 7-8 months and it just all seems to fit! :( Like the sudden onset of anxiety like I had never had before in October, followed by getting really irritated and angry at my girlfriend's poor little dog (Chihuahua) for no apparent reason :( I feel so guilty about it and even though I've told her, it still scares me to death to think about how I had acted. I would have never ever hit or yelled at an animal in the past, and I want to believe it is my depression (as I lost my job at the time, and am living with my girlfriend at her parents house) and it's almost like a bullying action that made me feel powerful or something, as it was only this little dog, and no other animal. I also knew it was wrong when I was doing it, and I ended up just crying and telling my girlfriend about it about 3 months ago. I have not done anything since. I just wonder if this is the behavior change of a brain tumor, and I have ignored it and now it's probably huge and incurable :( And the other sensory symptoms I get like the left side stuff do come and go, and disappear when I'm not thinking about them. I've been on Zoloft for about 5 months now, and it has definitely calmed my anxiety and my thoughts. No headaches, vomiting, seizures, or falling over or anything like that... YET :O. Anyway, sorry for the long rambling post, I just wish I didn't have the relapses! I do so well for a while and then I jump right back into my old ways. The thought of brain cancer just terrifies me, and I really hope these past 8 months haven't been a clear indicator. What do you all think? Thoughts or similar experiences? Thanks!