What do you do when you feel you've hit a dead end?

[Lissa101]

I'm trying to pick myself up after a few really bad weeks but I'm finding it hard to be positive about the future right now. I've been suffering with this for about a year and had lots of ups and downs. I've tried two SSRI's (Prozac and Zoloft) which didn't really do much for me and I've been unable to access any kind of talking therapies.

At the moment I'm going through a major set-back. I think I could cope if it wasn't for the physical symptoms - dizzyness and weakness - which make me feel like I can't do anything. My finances are really bad which means that I can't take any time off (I'm a PhD student but I get paid a salary) and the fact that I know I don't have the option of a break is making me panic.

I'm just not sure where to go from here. I have the GP next Weds so maybe she'll suggest something but I always come out of the docs feeling worse rather than better. I'm just so sick and tired of this.

Thanks for reading xxx

[inCOGnito]

Can you access the student counselling services?

Have you talked with your supervisors? As a phd you are entitled to leave. Generally its more flexible with uni. If you feel like you need time off then ask your supervisors for time off. It might help you if you are open with them.

For the physical symptoms have you tried selftherapy.org? It's a tehnique where you take your attention FULLY into the symptom. Taking your attention into it in this way allows the body to address it itself.

[Lissa101]

Its finances mainly that is the problem. I can get time off but if it's more than a few weeks I won't have any income. I don't believe I'll get ESA and, even if I did, I wouldn't be able to survive on it. My mum is ill and lives at the other end of the country so I need to have the money to travel and see her every couple of months. Its a tough situation.

I tried selftherapy.org and really liked it. In fact I had a really peaceful sleep afterwards which I haven't had in ages so thanks! x

[daisydaisy]

Hi Lissa,

Do you think if you had an open conversation with them and explained about your health and your mum they may be more supportive and allow you a paid break? If you need a break, you need a break your health is the most important thing and surely your PHD could suffer if you don't take the time out to and look after you?? I can't say for sure as you sound like you have been very strong to get through all of this in the first place but I think you need to look after yourself.

With the medication have you stayed on them for the 6-8 week stretch? I am on my second time around with fluox and I really didn't think it would work but day by day it's getting a little bit easier (I am day 10 now). My anxiety went sky high and it was very uncomfortable the first few days but I am getting longer moments of calm now and this helps. Perhaps you can discuss all the options with your doctor- SSRIs are not the only route and there will be something which can help you. As someone has motioned above too you should have a counselling service on campus? I used mine when I was at university as that was the first time around when I experienced anxiety. It was good because the waiting times were not so bad as it is only for students/staff- have a look into this.

Be kind to yourself and remember that you will get better in time xx

[inCOGnito]

Glad you liked selftherapy.org, it's a very useful tool!

How do your phd finances work? I take it you are self funded?

Can you take a couple of weeks off and just catch up on some r & r?

[Lissa101]

I'm very lucky to be research council funded so I'm on £15k per year. It also means that I do have rights in terms of taking time off. The problem for me, other than finance, is that I already deferred entry by 3 months because my mum had a stroke and I only just started in January. Its a small dept and a small field and I don't want to get a reputation for being unreliable and difficult. A lecturer in the department has been signed off with depression and people are not particularly sympathetic, even though he's just been hospitalised.

I was off work for 6 months before starting my studies. I'm trying to 'man up' a bit but its tough. I am on the waiting list for the uni psychologist though x

[inCOGnito]

Ok but bear in mind your health has to come first. No sense in not taking time for any reason if you genuinely need it. "Sometimes the most urgent thing you can do is rest".

Also bear in mind that you've had a great deal of stress and anxiety. you have only started your degree 4 months ago. Its a new thing so just give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up for not feeling how you'd like.