Chapstick
11-05-13, 15:33
Hi everyone thought I'd join & tell every1 my story so far & hopes that there is light at the end! I started my own company in November which was quite stressful as I left a good job wiv good sick pay & holiday etc then at start of the year my dad got depression badly which eventually led 2 him trying 2 take his own life, I seemed 2 cope wiv it all fine & was visiting my dad in mental health hospital & talking 2 him bout what he was thinking & how stupid it sounded wiv the things he was saying, then all of a sudden a few weeks later I started getting this sinking feeling in my stomach & started thinking exactly the same as my dad! Almost like he'd taught me how 2 think like that! I basically went into a state of anxiety where I couldn't stop over thinking everything & it was all negative,I thought I was gonna lose everything & had no positives, I couldn't sleep 4 anything, I was given 10mg citalopram & beta blocker (20mg 3 times a day) after bout 5 days anxiety went & I could go back 2 work which was a relief as my main worry was not working and not paying the bills. I stopped taking the beta blockers & continued on the citalopram, but although the anxiety had stopped I felt like I had nothing 2 look forward to in life, like I was just existing, but I thought as long as I was working & sleeping l'll deal wiv this using cbt, then 3 weeks later I started getting sinking feeling again & went back into anxious state, doctors has now put me on 20mg but I just as so scared, I stupidly compare myself 2 my dad which is crazy cause he had depression which I have never had but now I feel like I have maybe got it? I think I'll end up in a home which I would never of thought if it wasn't 4 visiting my dad! I've been on 20mg for 4 days now, which started making me more anxious at 1st but that's going now, it's the constant thinking & not sleeping I can't handle. Will it get better? As I said I haven't had depression b4 & I have recently had a bit of anxiety when abroad but nothing bad so why suddenly get the worst anxiety ever at 29 years old? Just bought on by the stress of my dad & business I suppose, just need 2 stop saying 2 myself I'm like my dad, sorry 4 the long story, any positive advice would be gratefull