What to do when it's all too much?

[kittikat]

What do you do when everything hits you at once?

I am a strong, independant and positive person. I have made some good progress over the past year or so with CBT and medication, and used a range of coping stratergies to help me through a very tough time.

Some of you may know that I have some unresolved work issues which are holding me back. There is an important meeting this coming Friday, I cannot discuss, but it is having a major impact on my current state of mind, but I am trying very hard to 'keep myself together'.

So...add this to the mix - my dad had a bad fall last Thursday and has fractured some ribs...my mum called me today and told me she is going into hospital this Friday (same day as my meeting) for an emergency operation.

I am not sleeping, I feel tense, low and tearful and I just don't know how to get through all this. I have tried so hard to follow my own advice but I think I am at breaking point now. I am able to manage the increased anxiety to a point but I really cannot do all this 'one thing at a time'...it is one of those situations that doesn't work like that.

I have worked so hard to reduce my daily dose of diazepam over the last few months from 12 to 7mg a day...I know that increasing will give me some 'mind space' but I really don't want to undo all the good I have done in reducing this far. I am on anti d's too, recently increased, but again, don't want to increase further just to get me through a temporary tough time.

I feel so alone in my own suffering (selfish I know) and my mum & dad need me to be strong for them right now (they are both in their 70's). I feel such a failure and really don't want them to know that I am at breaking point. I saw my mum today and I just wanted to cry my eyes out. I don't know what to do for the best and how to survive this latest ordeal. I just want to crawl under a stone and make it all go away.

[flori]

Kittikat, I`m so sorry you are struggling with your anxiety. Don`t feel a failure because you are not. There are many worrying times going on in your life just now. We try so hard to follow all the advice we are given, to cope with our anxiety and it`s not always easy. As you say you have been strong and managed to reduce your diazepam. But do you not think increasing it slightly to see you over this difficult time would be a good thing. What`s the point in suffering if you have a med there that would help you. Would your GP be ok about that.:hugs:

[kittikat]

Thank you flori, yes my GP would be fine with me increasing to help me through this bad time but I just think it will undo all the hard work it has taken to taper down. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself and actually I am seeing my doc in the morning so I will see what he thinks. Many thanks :hugs: x

[Annie0904]

I am really sorry things are so bad for you at the moment. As you know I have gone through similar issues at work. If you want to pm please do. Just hang in there because it will get better. All this work stuff is very distressing. I ended up handing it over to my union and not going to the meeting mysrlf.

[Spot-the-frog]

I think you need to be a bit more kind to yourself. I know you have worked so hard to decrease your dosage, but to me it seems as if a little increase will help you through this stressful period. You have managed to decrease your dosage before and when this stressful period is over i am sure that you will be able to do it again. Your doctor seems very supportive maybe a chat with him would help?

[flori]

How are you today kittikat. Are you feeling any better. F x

[kittikat]

How are you today kittikat. Are you feeling any better. F x

Hi Flori, thank you for asking...not really, but I have seen my GP who said I can up my diazepam if I need to. I have also got an appointment with my legal representative tomorrow ahead of the meeting on Friday. I am trying to stay as positive as I can...Kitti :hugs: xx

---------- Post added at 19:23 ---------- Previous post was at 19:21 ----------


I am really sorry things are so bad for you at the moment. As you know I have gone through similar issues at work. If you want to pm please do. Just hang in there because it will get better. All this work stuff is very distressing. I ended up handing it over to my union and not going to the meeting mysrlf.

Thank you Annie, I will see how things go and I really appreciate your offer of support at this time :hugs: xx

---------- Post added at 19:26 ---------- Previous post was at 19:23 ----------

Thank you Spot-the-frog...I probably am being a little hard on myself, I really don't know how to handle all the stress right now. I think I may need the extra diazepam this week after all...Kitti :) xx

[flori]

Kittikat, I know you don`t really want to increase the diazepam , but if you are not feeling any better and they help, take them. Why suffer when they help you. You sound as if you have a very understanding and good doctor who sees you as a responsible and sensible person regarding your meds.
Good Luck at the meeting and chin up. F x:hugs:

[nicola1980]

Hi kitti, sorry to hear your having a tough time at the min :hugs: i myself had successfully weaned my diazepam down to just 5mg a day but Im having a major blip at the min and have reluctantly had to increase it again the last few days which i didn't want but needs must at times, i hope things start to look up for you again soon, lots of love and :hugs: x x x

[kittikat]

Hi kitti, sorry to hear your having a tough time at the min :hugs: i myself had successfully weaned my diazepam down to just 5mg a day but Im having a major blip at the min and have reluctantly had to increase it again the last few days which i didn't want but needs must at times, i hope things start to look up for you again soon, lots of love and :hugs: x x x

Nicola, you are an angel. Thank you :hugs:

So sorry to hear you are having a blip, I hope it passes quickly for you hun. Why do we always have to feel so damn guilty? I guess that is the nature of the beast anxiety eh? Lots of love and thanks again :hugs:xxxx

---------- Post added at 02:10 ---------- Previous post was at 02:07 ----------


Kittikat, I know you don`t really want to increase the diazepam , but if you are not feeling any better and they help, take them. Why suffer when they help you. You sound as if you have a very understanding and good doctor who sees you as a responsible and sensible person regarding your meds.
Good Luck at the meeting and chin up. F x:hugs:

Thanks so much flori...you are so right. And I have increased :winks: not much choice this week I'm afraid. Thanks for your support :hugs: xx

[Annie0904]

I hope you start to feel better again soon kittikat...more hugs for you :hugs::hugs:

[BobbyDog]

I am so sorry for what you are going through at the moment Kitti, bad things always seem to come at the same time. You obviously have very caring and supportive parents who want the best for you. Try not to worry about them too much, they have each other for support. Concentrate on getting yourself better, that is all the medication your parents need. Don't worry about the Diazepam, your doctor would not give it to you if he thought you were going to abuse the situation.
I hope the meeting goes okay on Friday.

Will be thinking of you.

sarah.x

[Pipkin]

Kitti,

If I don't get the chance to say it later, good luck for tomorrow and you know I'm here if you need me.

Big hugs

Pip xxx

[flori]

Good Morning all.
Kittkat
I hope you are feeling a bit more relaxed now that the diazepam has been increased.
I wish you all the best for your meeting tomorrow.:hugs:

[kittikat]

Annie, Pip, Sarah, and Flori ~ Thank you so much.

Your kind words of support mean so much to me. I am not in such a good place today but I am trying my best to stay positive. I will be so glad when this week is over!

Had a long meeting with my solicitor yesterday and went to see my mum and dad last night. Dad is unable to do much, he has to rest and mum is scared and tearful about her impending operation. Thankfully, I did manage to keep it together for their sake. Today I just feel very tearful...I am going to try and keep busy and keep my mind occupied. As they say "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

Thank you all so much, big hugs to you all :bighug1:xxxxx

[JT69]

Hi Kitti,

I'm really sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it at the moment...I know you have really been through the mill in the past.

I agree with the others...dont beat yourself up as needs must and thats what the meds are for...it is only a 'blip' hunny!!

I wish you well tommorow.

Will think of you.

:hugs::hugs:

Jo.xx

[kittikat]

Hi Kitti,

I'm really sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it at the moment...I know you have really been through the mill in the past.

I agree with the others...dont beat yourself up as needs must and thats what the meds are for...it is only a 'blip' hunny!!

I wish you well tommorow.

Will think of you.

:hugs::hugs:

Jo.xx

Thanks so much Jo :hugs: xxxxx

[clio51]

Hi Kitti

Just seen your post sorry not really been on much blip again!

Good luck for tomorrow, try to say to yourself I can do it there just THOUGHTS that are making me feel more anxious and panic. Say they are not going to make me ill again, I can do it for an hour and then I can go home and cross it off my list. I can then get some normality back from all this worry.

I know it's easy said than done hun,I'm the world's worse when it comes to doing things.

But you can do it! Your strong. Is your partner going with you? If so just hold tight to his hand and think there not getting away with it!!!

Tonight will be a test for your sleep, try having a bath before bed and take a d see if it gives your mind time to relax to drop of to sleep.

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.
Take care. Xx

[kittikat]

Hi Kitti

Just seen your post sorry not really been on much blip again!

Good luck for tomorrow, try to say to yourself I can do it there just THOUGHTS that are making me feel more anxious and panic. Say they are not going to make me ill again, I can do it for an hour and then I can go home and cross it off my list. I can then get some normality back from all this worry.

I know it's easy said than done hun,I'm the world's worse when it comes to doing things.

But you can do it! Your strong. Is your partner going with you? If so just hold tight to his hand and think there not getting away with it!!!

Tonight will be a test for your sleep, try having a bath before bed and take a d see if it gives your mind time to relax to drop of to sleep.

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.
Take care. Xx


Aww thank you Clio :bighug1:

So sorry to hear that you are having a blip again, I hope it passes soon for you.

I survived the day and mum is doing well :yesyes:

Take care hun, thinking of you :hugs: xxxx

[clio51]

Hi kitti

Checked couple times today to see if you've been on, New you'd be ok hun we're all stronger than we think it's the thoughts of "what if etc" that freak us out.

As you say your mum's come out the other side now, you've been to the meeting.
So you can start to come down and relax again.

Let me know the out come as it's been a really rough long time time for you,but you did it luv so pleased for you. Chill chill xxx :flowers::flowers::hugs::hugs:

[kittikat]

Clio...I will PM you after the weekend. Thanks hun xx :hugs: xx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Thats best news heard today. Well done Kitti :yesyes:
:hugs: