jflair
14-05-13, 14:03
Having been largely free from abnormal anxiety for about five years, my anxiety is back with a vengeance. For the last six weeks I have been anxious about a few different things, mainly that things from my past will creep back up on me...
I think the trigger is that I have just got a new house which we are in the process of decorating ready to move into, and seeing my wife so happy, I can't help thinking something is going to crop up and destroy the happiness. Itls like my brain just wont allow me to enjoy it.
The feeling is so familiar, I lived with GAD from the the age of 17 when a lump on my neck triggered Health anxiety for the first time, on and off (largely on, but learned to live with it) for about 18 years, until a doctor in Norfolk helped me, slowly, to overcome my anxiety. I don't think I was ever "Cured", but I was better, until recently.
I go to bed anxious, I wake up feeling great for 30 seconds and then the anxiety kicks in, I am then one track minded on whatever it is that has me anxious right until bed time. I affects my work, my relationship and my self esteem, and I am worried the depression I used to suffer will not be far behind if I do not get a handle on it.
I'm worrying about things that I left behind 6 years ago for goodness sake. A few business deals that went south (as a result of anxiety) and I have not heard about since. I know in moments of logic that they are done with and will never crop up again, but in my anxious state I am convinced something really bad is about to happen. When I stop worrying about something, something else equally stupid takes over.
It's ruined a lot of my life, I'm so disappointed it's back. My confidence and self esteem are so low right now, I have made a mess of a lot of things in my past due to anxiety, let people down, let myself down... Then over the last five years I have picked myself up, met and married my wife, gained two incredible step children and been content... but now I have been floored by this again and I am so worried I am going to loose everything if I don't get it under control.
Writing this is hopefully my first step to pulling it together.
I think the trigger is that I have just got a new house which we are in the process of decorating ready to move into, and seeing my wife so happy, I can't help thinking something is going to crop up and destroy the happiness. Itls like my brain just wont allow me to enjoy it.
The feeling is so familiar, I lived with GAD from the the age of 17 when a lump on my neck triggered Health anxiety for the first time, on and off (largely on, but learned to live with it) for about 18 years, until a doctor in Norfolk helped me, slowly, to overcome my anxiety. I don't think I was ever "Cured", but I was better, until recently.
I go to bed anxious, I wake up feeling great for 30 seconds and then the anxiety kicks in, I am then one track minded on whatever it is that has me anxious right until bed time. I affects my work, my relationship and my self esteem, and I am worried the depression I used to suffer will not be far behind if I do not get a handle on it.
I'm worrying about things that I left behind 6 years ago for goodness sake. A few business deals that went south (as a result of anxiety) and I have not heard about since. I know in moments of logic that they are done with and will never crop up again, but in my anxious state I am convinced something really bad is about to happen. When I stop worrying about something, something else equally stupid takes over.
It's ruined a lot of my life, I'm so disappointed it's back. My confidence and self esteem are so low right now, I have made a mess of a lot of things in my past due to anxiety, let people down, let myself down... Then over the last five years I have picked myself up, met and married my wife, gained two incredible step children and been content... but now I have been floored by this again and I am so worried I am going to loose everything if I don't get it under control.
Writing this is hopefully my first step to pulling it together.