slightylystricken
14-05-13, 23:34
Hi there. This is going to be a long post but please bear with me as I am in dire need of some advice. Some quick background info, I've had a bit of health anxiety for as long as I can remember but it was always manageable and never really took over my life. This February I had a few triggers/stressors that turned it into a full blown Anxiety episode and it was and has been hell trying to pull myself out of it! With the help of CBT I am recovering and managing it a lot better and it is getting better with time. Unfortunately, there is one main factor that is keeping me anxious and making me believe I may possibly have an underlying medical illness or disease, and that's weight loss, especially now where I am seemingly not even trying to lose.
Growing up I was always a thin girl. It wasn't until about my 10th grade year in High school that I started to put on some weight. I was about 135 (61.2kg?) in my high school years. At my heaviest I was at 164 (74.8kg?) after my 2nd child was born in 2011.
Here's the important stuff: From August 2012-January 2013 I went on the "HCG Drops Diet" and lost about 21 lbs on this diet. This diet is supposed to help fix your metabolism and maintain after dropping the weight. After I quit the diet in January I was still trying to diet without the supplements and could not for the life of me drop any more weight on my own, however I couldn't gain any back either so I guess that was fine. When my Anxiety got really bad in February is when I started losing weight again. When the episode was at its worst and adrenaline at its highest, I lost about 4 lbs in 1 week. I wasn't eating much and was in full panic mode almost every day, so that would explain that. However.. I have continued to dwindle in weight. I have lost about 6 more lbs since then without trying, and even though my anxiety is better.. I continue to lose. All together I have lost a total of 10 lbs since February and I am currently at about 131 lbs (59.4kg?).
I'm 5'2" and everyone tells me this is normal weight and not to worry. I know it is, but I desperately do not want to lose anymore. I eat normal meals, and I eat when I am hungry. I have cut out certain foods from my diet because my CBT program suggests I remove all sugar, caffeine, and white-flour foods. I am slightly more active than I used to be because being out & about has been a real help with my anxiety. I no longer drink alcohol when I used to every weekend, but alcohol is also now a trigger for my anxiety. My portions are reasonable because if I get too full -- shocker, its a trigger for anxiety. But I do eat and I eat often. But other than that, I do the same things as I did before I was losing weight. I just cannot manage to keep on any weight, and I seem to lose about 1-2 lbs a month without really trying.. when before, I would struggle so much to lose any weight! I even try protein shakes. I do take a Bcomplex vitamin, I don't exercise much mainly because I am afraid it will make me lose more weight.
My rational side of me is telling me that it is most likely a mixture of the anxiety, lifestyle diet/change, and metabolism fix from the HCG diet that is making me steadily lose weight. But the Health Anxiety side of me is telling me that I have an undiagnosed illness that is making my weight go down without "trying" and that doctors are just blowing me off and not looking for what they should be. (In February at my worst, I had bloodwork drawn, thyroid checked, ct scan, chest xray, pelvic ultrasound, ekg done. All normal). Sometimes I even think, are these anxiety symptoms really not anxiety and are actually some part of a disease also related to the weight loss? I don't know what to do anymore, every time I check the scale, which is quite often.. I am at the same weight or lower. And every few weeks it is some less than the last week. I feel hopeless. All I want to do is manage my weight or at least put on some more. I feel afraid and gross when I look in the mirror, almost frail even. Everyone tells me I'm so skinny and that I look great. But I don't feel great. I feel awful, and I feel like I could be slowly dying from an illness and no one is listening and just tells me "You're so lucky!". I can't bear or afford to lose any more weight! Could there really be someone else wrong with me? Or is this just the natural course my body is metabolizing at after doing the HCG diet. If so, why can't I just plateau?
Any input would be appreciated.
---------- Post added at 17:34 ---------- Previous post was at 14:02 ----------
Anyone? It's really worrying me.
Growing up I was always a thin girl. It wasn't until about my 10th grade year in High school that I started to put on some weight. I was about 135 (61.2kg?) in my high school years. At my heaviest I was at 164 (74.8kg?) after my 2nd child was born in 2011.
Here's the important stuff: From August 2012-January 2013 I went on the "HCG Drops Diet" and lost about 21 lbs on this diet. This diet is supposed to help fix your metabolism and maintain after dropping the weight. After I quit the diet in January I was still trying to diet without the supplements and could not for the life of me drop any more weight on my own, however I couldn't gain any back either so I guess that was fine. When my Anxiety got really bad in February is when I started losing weight again. When the episode was at its worst and adrenaline at its highest, I lost about 4 lbs in 1 week. I wasn't eating much and was in full panic mode almost every day, so that would explain that. However.. I have continued to dwindle in weight. I have lost about 6 more lbs since then without trying, and even though my anxiety is better.. I continue to lose. All together I have lost a total of 10 lbs since February and I am currently at about 131 lbs (59.4kg?).
I'm 5'2" and everyone tells me this is normal weight and not to worry. I know it is, but I desperately do not want to lose anymore. I eat normal meals, and I eat when I am hungry. I have cut out certain foods from my diet because my CBT program suggests I remove all sugar, caffeine, and white-flour foods. I am slightly more active than I used to be because being out & about has been a real help with my anxiety. I no longer drink alcohol when I used to every weekend, but alcohol is also now a trigger for my anxiety. My portions are reasonable because if I get too full -- shocker, its a trigger for anxiety. But I do eat and I eat often. But other than that, I do the same things as I did before I was losing weight. I just cannot manage to keep on any weight, and I seem to lose about 1-2 lbs a month without really trying.. when before, I would struggle so much to lose any weight! I even try protein shakes. I do take a Bcomplex vitamin, I don't exercise much mainly because I am afraid it will make me lose more weight.
My rational side of me is telling me that it is most likely a mixture of the anxiety, lifestyle diet/change, and metabolism fix from the HCG diet that is making me steadily lose weight. But the Health Anxiety side of me is telling me that I have an undiagnosed illness that is making my weight go down without "trying" and that doctors are just blowing me off and not looking for what they should be. (In February at my worst, I had bloodwork drawn, thyroid checked, ct scan, chest xray, pelvic ultrasound, ekg done. All normal). Sometimes I even think, are these anxiety symptoms really not anxiety and are actually some part of a disease also related to the weight loss? I don't know what to do anymore, every time I check the scale, which is quite often.. I am at the same weight or lower. And every few weeks it is some less than the last week. I feel hopeless. All I want to do is manage my weight or at least put on some more. I feel afraid and gross when I look in the mirror, almost frail even. Everyone tells me I'm so skinny and that I look great. But I don't feel great. I feel awful, and I feel like I could be slowly dying from an illness and no one is listening and just tells me "You're so lucky!". I can't bear or afford to lose any more weight! Could there really be someone else wrong with me? Or is this just the natural course my body is metabolizing at after doing the HCG diet. If so, why can't I just plateau?
Any input would be appreciated.
---------- Post added at 17:34 ---------- Previous post was at 14:02 ----------
Anyone? It's really worrying me.