MarkJames3
15-05-13, 12:41
Hi Guys,
Just thought I would write a quick post... If some of you have read, I found a lump on my knee a while ago and last week went to see a new doctor who refered me for an x ray, he said it was just to confirm what he thought it was which is just a bit of extra bone. (2 docs had now told me the same thing).
I went for the x ray on friday and at that point convinced myself I had seen something bad on the x ray, they said my results would be with my doc on tues, well I went to get my results today.. All Clear/No Abnormalities.
Let me just say this last week or so has been torture and by far the worst I have been with my anxiety since it all began in 2008. My fiancee has been on the verge of tears because she has been so worried about my mental state, my best friend who is studying radiotherapy and studies cancer every day assured me there was nothing to worry about but even with all these people telling me it would all be ok, I wanted to just be in my cocoon and believe the worst, I had convinced myself I was living the last days of a free life.
Strangely the last few days have really made me reflect on myself and my illness (because thats what anxiety is), its made me realise, we need to put trust in others, trust our doctors, they are way more qualified than us.... Yes you hear horror stories about being mis-diagnsoed or doctors missing things but in reality this is a minute percentage of the amount of people who walk through the doctors surgery each day. We have a great health service with amazingly trained doctors and nurses, lets put our faith in them.
Secondly, when you sit an actually think about things, by worrying it is accomplishing nothing, should i sit here and worry about something that might not happen or instead get on the floor and spend time and play with my 15 month old son, go out for a meal with my fiancee or spend time at relatives... whats a nicer life?
Lastly the biggest thing I thought about was distraction.... Many a time over the past few days, I just sat curled up on the sofa letting my thoughts run wild while life was going on without me.... on the odd occasion I made myself do something, even if it was writing a little script or an idea I had for a film (i work in the film industry btw), or even go outside and weed the garden... I knew I wouldn't forget about how I felt straight away but guess what even by distracting myself even slightly i did feel a bit better in myself, i found myself even smiling, A small step but an important one.... Distraction is a huge key!
One thing that my fiancee said to me which has really stuck is this: "you worry and are scared daily about what "might" being going on in your body, but at the same every morning you get in your car and drive to work... now what do you hear more about on a daily basis? I bet its an accident, so why are you not scared about that?"
Its so true.... Sometimes we just need to take a minute, a breather and really think about things and reflect on what we do have or what we can do or achieve.
Hope this personal experience helps and wasn't too boring to read.
Mark
x
Just thought I would write a quick post... If some of you have read, I found a lump on my knee a while ago and last week went to see a new doctor who refered me for an x ray, he said it was just to confirm what he thought it was which is just a bit of extra bone. (2 docs had now told me the same thing).
I went for the x ray on friday and at that point convinced myself I had seen something bad on the x ray, they said my results would be with my doc on tues, well I went to get my results today.. All Clear/No Abnormalities.
Let me just say this last week or so has been torture and by far the worst I have been with my anxiety since it all began in 2008. My fiancee has been on the verge of tears because she has been so worried about my mental state, my best friend who is studying radiotherapy and studies cancer every day assured me there was nothing to worry about but even with all these people telling me it would all be ok, I wanted to just be in my cocoon and believe the worst, I had convinced myself I was living the last days of a free life.
Strangely the last few days have really made me reflect on myself and my illness (because thats what anxiety is), its made me realise, we need to put trust in others, trust our doctors, they are way more qualified than us.... Yes you hear horror stories about being mis-diagnsoed or doctors missing things but in reality this is a minute percentage of the amount of people who walk through the doctors surgery each day. We have a great health service with amazingly trained doctors and nurses, lets put our faith in them.
Secondly, when you sit an actually think about things, by worrying it is accomplishing nothing, should i sit here and worry about something that might not happen or instead get on the floor and spend time and play with my 15 month old son, go out for a meal with my fiancee or spend time at relatives... whats a nicer life?
Lastly the biggest thing I thought about was distraction.... Many a time over the past few days, I just sat curled up on the sofa letting my thoughts run wild while life was going on without me.... on the odd occasion I made myself do something, even if it was writing a little script or an idea I had for a film (i work in the film industry btw), or even go outside and weed the garden... I knew I wouldn't forget about how I felt straight away but guess what even by distracting myself even slightly i did feel a bit better in myself, i found myself even smiling, A small step but an important one.... Distraction is a huge key!
One thing that my fiancee said to me which has really stuck is this: "you worry and are scared daily about what "might" being going on in your body, but at the same every morning you get in your car and drive to work... now what do you hear more about on a daily basis? I bet its an accident, so why are you not scared about that?"
Its so true.... Sometimes we just need to take a minute, a breather and really think about things and reflect on what we do have or what we can do or achieve.
Hope this personal experience helps and wasn't too boring to read.
Mark
x