mackncody
28-09-06, 05:44
I hate those looks people give you when they don't understand. Its like that dumb-founded look of surprise that says "your a freaakkkkk...".
I went to my mother's parents over the weekend with my mom. We think my grandmother probably has alzheimer's, so we went over to see how bad it was and my mother wanted to see how fast she should get her into a doc. They live 3 hours from us. I spent one night there. I hated it.
My OCD kicked in and all I could think about was it wasn't my house, I don't know how clean it is, my routine is off, etc. I had to hide in one of the back bedrooms and watch t.v. and finally had to tell my mother to get me a CLEAN blanket and I layed on that and my pillow from home and wouldn't let any part of my body touch anything. I also walked around in socks which I hate doing.
I hate the way you can see your failure on other's faces. Like their too polite to tell you theres something wrong with you but it still shimmers on the face. Or when they know something is wrong and they try to help by asking in the gentlest, if I don't make any sudden movements she won't have mental breakdown, voice if your "ok". I'm not ok. I'm not. But I don't need to talk about it, I'm still here aren't I? That means I'm alive and I'm doing the best I can and I don't want to say I'm ok.
Sorry it was so long.... Its not really a question or a rant or attention getter. Just true. I'm sorry to all that have, well I was going to say OCD but then I thought to include any other anxiety and realized that doesn't cover it. I'm sorry to all who have sorrow.
If nothing else...I will survive.
To: SSJHSMH-U are light and my heart and strength. I will protect you in this life or the next always.
I went to my mother's parents over the weekend with my mom. We think my grandmother probably has alzheimer's, so we went over to see how bad it was and my mother wanted to see how fast she should get her into a doc. They live 3 hours from us. I spent one night there. I hated it.
My OCD kicked in and all I could think about was it wasn't my house, I don't know how clean it is, my routine is off, etc. I had to hide in one of the back bedrooms and watch t.v. and finally had to tell my mother to get me a CLEAN blanket and I layed on that and my pillow from home and wouldn't let any part of my body touch anything. I also walked around in socks which I hate doing.
I hate the way you can see your failure on other's faces. Like their too polite to tell you theres something wrong with you but it still shimmers on the face. Or when they know something is wrong and they try to help by asking in the gentlest, if I don't make any sudden movements she won't have mental breakdown, voice if your "ok". I'm not ok. I'm not. But I don't need to talk about it, I'm still here aren't I? That means I'm alive and I'm doing the best I can and I don't want to say I'm ok.
Sorry it was so long.... Its not really a question or a rant or attention getter. Just true. I'm sorry to all that have, well I was going to say OCD but then I thought to include any other anxiety and realized that doesn't cover it. I'm sorry to all who have sorrow.
If nothing else...I will survive.
To: SSJHSMH-U are light and my heart and strength. I will protect you in this life or the next always.