melishaxoxo
15-05-13, 21:06
I have been so sad and im suffering with derealization almost everyday. I Have had such big dreams to pursue a career and study to work in a fashion magazine. At the moment im working for a law firm and i just feel so sad there. It is like im not living my dream and certain obstacles like money is scarce so i cant study at the moment, i am saving up but all my money is going on my health issues, going to see doctors,going for tests, buying the meds then another health issue will arise, this all started with my god damn sinuses :((( It has ruined my life completely , I am at a loss for what to do next except i have an eye doctors appointment on the 3rd of june which im dreading going to scared of what he may find. For 3 years my left eye has been weird, feeling different not normal, eye pain severe, swelling, dryness feeling, plus looking squint in my pics.. its terrible :((( i cant even focus on my career at the moment as the eye problem is always on the rise of my concern. I worry i am going blind or have cancer or a tumor..i am really so so scared :((( I have been to 3 different eye doctors over the couple 3 years last year i also been to one and they all said it is eye allergies, they looked into my eye and couldnt find the problem. But my eye lid feels heavy,droopy even and causes me pain somedays. At work i have to try cover that eye so it doesnt look noticeable to clients. I also noticed it makes me want to close my eyes and sleep. What kind of cursed life i am living? it is one thing over the next, but by far this is the worst :(( i am scared if i go blind or the doctor finds something wrong im going to end my life :((