Need to go back to work

[blush77]

I will give you a little background of the situation. I have struggled with anxiety most of my life. I remember as a kid, I was brought up in a strict, cult like religion. I stood out from my peers and although had friends lots of friends at school I was scared most of the time. I felt panic I would blush always laughing it off crying inside.

I was kicked out of home at 17 as didn't want to go along with religion, I struggled through with anxiety to keep myself off the street and worked hard. I travelled the world had good jobs, but at particular times in life, end of relationships mostly, anxiety and panic would ruin me, I walked out of some jobs unable to cope.

I am at this point in my life:
My fiancée broke up with me middle of march, well he didn't really break up he said he was depressed, wasn't sure if we had a future. He was starting a business in which I supported him financially for over a year and when I couldnt do my job anymore, end of jan, working in complaints he seemed to complete cut contact with me, unsure he said if he wanted to be with me. I backed off from him, I needed to pay for my flat and so found a job, but the anxiety took over and after one day I didn't go back. It was a good job,

The breakup discussion finally happened two weeks ago I was so hurt, he never really gave any explanation, I feel it was because I needed support and he had relied on me for money. Now I have a new job, after two days I cant go in, I worry I wont be able to do it, I cant sleep, Ive phoned them up saying im ill, I am :=(. I am due back tomorrow, I pray I will have the guts to go in, I cant leave this job I don't want to end up homeless. I cant seem to concentrate on learning, after two days I already feel I am making mistakes, what's wrong with me ;=(

Feel my life is over, sick of stress, bad relationships, hurt. Wish I was stronger. I tried anti depressants they made me unable to sleep for months on end. They were not good for me, I have propopanol which I take on occasions, but makes me sleepy.

[Bond Girl]

Bloody hell, it's all been happening!! :ohmy:

Firstly, life isn't over. Yes, some sh*tty things have happened & are happening in your world & they are inconvenient & they hurt like hell. But you CAN overcome them.

As much as the break up with your fiancé isn't nice, by the sounds of it the decision that things weren't working has been mutual - from what you say above YOU were providing all the support, emotionally & financially, and that's not how it should be. Eventually you'll burn yourself out & you can't carry someone forever. Surely it's better to be open & honest about it than pretend things are fine & then things get worse?

With regards to work, just not going in doesn't give your employer any opportunity to help you or to understand your current situation. Is there any way you could arrange a private meeting with your boss or line manager & explain what's been happening lately & that you are having a tough time? It's nothing to be embarrassed about & I'm sure they would be sympathetic. They may even be able to provide some further support if you need it. Where do you work?

If anti-depressants don't work, could you perhaps discuss other options with your GP such as CBT, exercise or counselling?

Please try not to worry x x

[blush77]

Thank you so much for replying. I guess I am worried as I have only just started and my job is in marketing, I have to be on top form. I have never liked admitting that there is a problem with anxiety, I have always thought myself quite hard and now I feel weak, nobody knows but me. I guess not sleeping doesn't help. It was a bind with my ex but he made me feel so loved at times, even though I put more than my heart into the relationship. What you said in your reply made lots of sense, just need some courage, thank you xx

[Vanilla Sky]

You will recover from the relationship break up perhaps throwing yourself into your work will help. You sound like a strong person. This is the problem with anxiety and panic , just because we are struggling inside , on the outside we seem to be coping well..... which means you ARE coping . You do have courage , you just need to believe it.

I wish you luck in your new job , You will get through this. We are here for you :)

Paige xx

[Bond Girl]

Sometimes you have to stop being so hard on YOURSELF. Not coping when life gets tough is not a sign of weakness - it's a sign of being HUMAN!

To say that being with your ex was a 'bind' is a clear indicator that you were under huge pressure & not happy. Sometimes the fear of being 'alone' keeps us in relationships that don't bring out the best in us & don't provide the love & compassion & understanding & support that WE need. You can be just alone IN a relationship as out of one.

Try & see your current situation as 'temporary' - you're not always going to feel like this, even though things feel pretty grim & desperate right now. Things can & will get better, all it takes is a bit of courage, determination & self-belief.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life!! X x x

[blush77]

:D it really helps to know there is somewhere like this to go thanks both again xx

[blush77]

I was all ready, got down the street. Then my head rushed with all that had gone through the night not sleeping. What they going to think of me having two days off when Ive just started job, the girl that started on the same day will be two days ahead of the learning process. I went home, felt sick. So disappointed with myself :=( , called them explained about the break up with fiancée, that I was run down, will defo be in Monday. So it starts ;=(, my self esteem is so low now, There must be something I can read, dvd I can watch, other than pills?? please help, feel so bad and everyone will be asking how was your first week at new job :=(