Sick of living :((((

[melishaxoxo]

I AM SO sad, I feel so very alone. Nothing is okay in my life although I am grateful for what God has given me, a huge part of me is hurting :((( I am 26 years old and i work as legal receptionist for my dad. He never talks to me ,he has always been like that. My parents they bring me down, they never encourage me..all i get is nagging. I had a brain injury when i was 17 and i think it may have affected my personality,i am more withdrawn,shy and an introvert. I cant handle any social situations or places that makes me have to speak out in front of people. I am working for my dad for 7 years now. I was careless with money i spent alot on shopping and it is my fault for not saving. Now I am saving little by little. My dream is to work for a fashion magazine. But lately i been getting these suicidal thoughts,i dont want to live anymore. I also have a eye issue,eye pain,swelling.. just feels so bad. I am so so depressed.. my mum always compares me to my sister who has her dream job,own place, own car or she compares me to my cousin who has the good husband, great job in a bank and holidays whenever she feels like. I feel like at my age i have gotten nowhere and if i had a gun i would have pulled the trigger a long time ago :(

[Munchlet]

It's very sad that you are feeling so low, have you seen your GP?

If you haven't then I think you should go and speak to a health professional asap. There are plenty of things they can do and whilst you feel like this now I'm sure with the right treatment you may actually find that you can start to enjoy life again.

You say that your dream is to work for a Fashion Magazine so why not find out how you can go about doing just that. As low as you are feeling you have a dream which is a good thing and that is what you need to focus on.

The most important thing is please go and speak to someone in the medical field. I am sure they will be able to reassure you about your eye but also give you some help in getting you where you need to be.

It may seem a long way off but it's all about little steps and the first one is getting some help from someone who is trained to do this.

Take care

[Mipsy]

Hi there, I am so sorry you are feeling so low. Please remember this is not your fault.
Your parents are not helping by being critical and comparing. I have some experience of how you are feeling as my husband is in a similar situation.
Are you currently on any medication? Perhaps try to be very brave and make an appointment with your GP and share your feelings with him/her. There is lots of support available to you. The first step is making the appt.
Please take care and don't dwell on your past. It's the future that counts. You are young and with some support, I'm sure you can look towards some wonderful experiences.
Lots of hugs x x

[melishaxoxo]

Thank you both, i am drowning in tears in the darkness of my bedroom. I am so sorry for letting my parents down, my grandparents in heaven.. im sure they probably are angry with me for not having a stable career by now or a car or a house. I dont have anyone of that and my emotions are all over the place. It would be so easy to end this life.. but I have not even achieved my dream yet. I DONT HAVE the confidence to do so even. I fail at interviews i get nervous and then nobody calls me back. My doctor is expensive but maybe ill try going to see a psychologist.

[Munchlet]

You must try not to keep blaming yourself, we all make mistakes in life, think of things we could have done better or not done at all, that's part of life.

You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you and things can and will get better for you.

The most important thing is getting yourself the help you need to get yourself back on track, it may be that you need some medication or therapy or a combination of both but I'm sure once you get the help you need you will feel better about yourself and your life.

It probably feels like it's impossible at the moment but I am sure you will reach a point where you can look back on all of this and be proud of yourself for getting through it and you will also be a much stronger person.