Purpose

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I'm reading 'Feeling Good' by David Burns. It is a really good book and I'm learning about weaknesses in my attitudes, such as the fact that I'm a perfectionist and a love and approval addict. I can understand how he's trying to help me when he says "it's ok to be just ok" and that I don't need love or approval to be happy, that these are all external things, things that I have no control over. If I rely on them to be happy then, more often than not I will be unhappy. But, what I can't get my head around just yet is that if I don't need love, approval or achievement to be happy, what is my motivation? what am I striving for? what is the purpose of being?

Maybe he covers it later in the book, but at the moment I feel like he's invalidated all my goals and I'm feeling quite anxious and depressed because of it? Maybe this is what it takes to get better?

Can anybody help?

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[jill]

Hi Simon [^]

I have been following your threads for a while now and I can see you are trying soooo hard to over come your problems, you are working sooo hard and I'm sure that in time you WILL start to feel the benfit of what you are doing.

This is just my thoughts, maybe what he is saying is, you need to love yourself, you need to learn that you don't have to be a perfectionist and just to learn how to be happy with yourself, if you can learn to be opproval of yourself you will learn to be happy in whatever you do. In life other people can make us feel happier, but in the long run its whats inside ourself, are thoughts are feeling that makes us happy. If your sad inside for whever reason, its dame hard for an outsider to come and make you happy, you have to look within yourself for the answer., the outsider just come's in and helps you find the happiness within. Ohhh do you know what I mean.

I find it sooo hard expliain things when I write things down.

So, Simon, what are your goals,

to learn to love and like yourself.

to see your faults, open your mind and try to fix them, we all have faults simon, addmiting to them is hard, but you can do this to yourself, you don't have to tell others.

to learn that an opproval or achienvment, first and formost comes from you,

I can see where your coming from when you say, if I don't need love, approval or achievement to be happy, whats my motivation.

The thing is that in life we all need these things from time to time, but not all the time. Have you not got anybody around you that can help you with this book, someone who can motivat you spare you on, tell you your doing well, this helps alot when learning from a book like this.

Please don't feel down, you are trying sooo hard to learn something new and it takes alot of hard work, support, yes support and time, lots of time.

Not sure if I've been of any help at all, not sure if I'm making any sense at all LOL [:P]

You have great writing skills and are willing to work hard at your recovery. I know that in time your hard work will pay off.

TAKE CARE

Wishing you well

LOVE JILLXXX

you learn to be opprval of youreslf and every achievment you make, be pround of yourself.

[chelsea]

hi wifts, i fully understand where you are coming from i ask those same questions daily, and if you find the answers be sure to tell me. I just try and take one day at a time and hope that tomorrow brings something better than today. And invariably it does, feeling loved and wanting approval is perfectly normal. but loving yourself is key to happiness i think.

take care babexxx



donna