megsmom78
17-05-13, 10:58
Hi i'm Becky, i'm 34 and i've been living with agoraphobia for about 12 yrs.
Shortly after my 2nd son was born i was diagnosed with PND and put on prozac. Four days later i was shopping in the city centre. I was in a shop when out of nowhere i started to feel really hot and dizzy so i went outside for air. I felt better so went back in the shop and it happened again only much worse and i found myself dashing to find a toilet. Luckily there was a kfc nearby and i made it just in time. Once i'd calmed down i found a taxi and went home confused about what had happened. I was working as a barmaid at the time which was great as it was really building my confidence as i'd always been really shy. I was due to work that night so i got myself ready still bemused by earlier events. I didn't have far to go as the pub was next door to my house. When i walked in and saw all the people the feelings i'd had earlier came rushing back. I felt dizzy and disorientated and rushed to the loo praying i wouldn't fall over and poo myself in front of everyone. Luckily i made it. Once i'd calmed down i went home. A little later my mom called nhs direct because i was climbing the walls and didn't have a clue what was going on. They said it sounded like i was having panic attacks and that it was a possible side effect of the prozac. I binned the pills thinking things would be ok. I was wrong. The panic attacks kept coming whenever i left the house. I managed to keep working for a couple of months by having 4-5 bottles of beer for my nerves and 6-8 immodium before each shift. Needless to say i had to stop work and the drinking made my anxiety worse and i was housebound for almost a year relying heavily on my mom for shopping, school runs etc. Gradually i started to venture outside again but was constantly checking for any feelings or sensations in my stomach region. The slightest flutter (usually just wind) would trigger a panic attack and i'd dash home. I carried on like this for years getting more and more depressed until one day i started to have panic attacks at home. It was too much to handle. I couldn't understand why i was having them at home, my only "safe" place. I hit rock bottom and took an overdose of paracetamol and booze. My nephew raised the alarm. He saved my life in more ways than one. I was taken to hospital where i stayed for nearly a week. Thankfully i didn't do any long term damage. As an attempted suicide i had to see a psychiatrist. She referred me back to my gp who i hadn't seen for years. I was still wary of pills but decided to try as i was terrified. I was put on citalopram which worked wonders for the depression but not the anxiety. After 2 more suicide attempts i was switched to sertraline. It worked wonders for me. No suicide attempts since.
A few years ago the house next door to my mom came up for rent. I got it and moved out of my moms. These days i'm plodding on the best i can. I've built up a "safe zone" of 10-15 mins walking distance of my house and can go to small local shops if they're not busy. I manage the school run most days but arrive late so most of the people have gone. I have no friends and avoid people like the plague. Although i now know that a panic attack can't harm me it's a fear of what a panic attack will make me do, a fear of public humilitation. I don't think it will ever leave me.
Well that's the story of mad little me. I hope i haven't sent anyone to sleep. I actually found this site by accident whilst looking for jobs for agoraphobics. Haven't found a job but glad i found this. Would be nice to talk to people with the same or similar problems.
Finally i would like to wish everyone well in their own individual plights xxx
Shortly after my 2nd son was born i was diagnosed with PND and put on prozac. Four days later i was shopping in the city centre. I was in a shop when out of nowhere i started to feel really hot and dizzy so i went outside for air. I felt better so went back in the shop and it happened again only much worse and i found myself dashing to find a toilet. Luckily there was a kfc nearby and i made it just in time. Once i'd calmed down i found a taxi and went home confused about what had happened. I was working as a barmaid at the time which was great as it was really building my confidence as i'd always been really shy. I was due to work that night so i got myself ready still bemused by earlier events. I didn't have far to go as the pub was next door to my house. When i walked in and saw all the people the feelings i'd had earlier came rushing back. I felt dizzy and disorientated and rushed to the loo praying i wouldn't fall over and poo myself in front of everyone. Luckily i made it. Once i'd calmed down i went home. A little later my mom called nhs direct because i was climbing the walls and didn't have a clue what was going on. They said it sounded like i was having panic attacks and that it was a possible side effect of the prozac. I binned the pills thinking things would be ok. I was wrong. The panic attacks kept coming whenever i left the house. I managed to keep working for a couple of months by having 4-5 bottles of beer for my nerves and 6-8 immodium before each shift. Needless to say i had to stop work and the drinking made my anxiety worse and i was housebound for almost a year relying heavily on my mom for shopping, school runs etc. Gradually i started to venture outside again but was constantly checking for any feelings or sensations in my stomach region. The slightest flutter (usually just wind) would trigger a panic attack and i'd dash home. I carried on like this for years getting more and more depressed until one day i started to have panic attacks at home. It was too much to handle. I couldn't understand why i was having them at home, my only "safe" place. I hit rock bottom and took an overdose of paracetamol and booze. My nephew raised the alarm. He saved my life in more ways than one. I was taken to hospital where i stayed for nearly a week. Thankfully i didn't do any long term damage. As an attempted suicide i had to see a psychiatrist. She referred me back to my gp who i hadn't seen for years. I was still wary of pills but decided to try as i was terrified. I was put on citalopram which worked wonders for the depression but not the anxiety. After 2 more suicide attempts i was switched to sertraline. It worked wonders for me. No suicide attempts since.
A few years ago the house next door to my mom came up for rent. I got it and moved out of my moms. These days i'm plodding on the best i can. I've built up a "safe zone" of 10-15 mins walking distance of my house and can go to small local shops if they're not busy. I manage the school run most days but arrive late so most of the people have gone. I have no friends and avoid people like the plague. Although i now know that a panic attack can't harm me it's a fear of what a panic attack will make me do, a fear of public humilitation. I don't think it will ever leave me.
Well that's the story of mad little me. I hope i haven't sent anyone to sleep. I actually found this site by accident whilst looking for jobs for agoraphobics. Haven't found a job but glad i found this. Would be nice to talk to people with the same or similar problems.
Finally i would like to wish everyone well in their own individual plights xxx