I hate HA so much

[Munchlet]

So I've been desperately trying to get a grip on the HA but it's just not happening, I'm off my meds because didn't feel they were doing anything but I just don't know what to do.

I've just got myself into such a state over BC again!

Just had a bath and decided to do a visual check on my breasts and as I'm looking in the mirror and raising up my arms etc everything looks good but when I actually look down at my breasts it looks like one side is more lumpy than the other.

I can't feel anything and it's not like an obvious lump it's just on the side if I raise my arms up my left breast doesn't look quite as smooth as the right. So straight away I'm in tears on the phone to my mum, went dashing round there to show her, go into her bathroom to check and show her and she can't see what I'm talking about, she said that to her they both look the same but I'm sure they don't. I can't see it when I'm looking in the mirror and everything is moving as it should be, can't see any dimples or puckering but the line on the left looks like it bulges out a bit more. My mum thinks if it was anything then it would be obvious and she would be able to see it and admittedly she did have a good look at both sides, even got another mirror to reflect into the other one so I could see, but I'm sure they are not the same and I'm thinking there's a deep lump or something that's making everything look bulgy.

I'm such a wreck right now, I've rung my doctor and the well woman doctor is going to ring me Tues pm to discuss and I'm going to ask her if I can go in and get a breast exam but I've got the whole weekend worrying myself sick over this.

I really hate how this illness controls my life and everytime it manages to get me in such a state.

I had a call from the CBT team today and they are ringing me on Monday for a 30 minute phone consultation so I'm really hoping that once I start doing that I can find some coping techniques as this is ruining my life :weep:

[Mipsy]

Hi munchlet. I'm sorry you are suffering. Last February I was referred to a breast consultant after finding a lump in my right breast. Can I add, I am prone to lumps and cysts in my breasts. I has my first cyst when I was only 19.
Anyways, after a mammogram, ultrasound and physical breast examination, the doctor was happy to say that the thickening in my breast was hormonal. He was right as it disappeared. He also said that some women just have lumpy breasts, it's getting to know your breasts and what's normal for you that is important.
The rule is that 9/10 breast lumps are benign. If they are hard and fixed, then perhaps some further examination is needed, otherwise it is likely to be normal breast tissue.
With your breasts, it will be normal to have lumps and bumps and remember, breast are sometimes asymmetrical.
My advice is examine you breasts in the shower. Put some shower gel on your hands and examine each quadrant of the breast with your fingers flattened. Don't go poking in your breast with your fingers. I did that and bruised myself, resulting in a haematoma.
If you are still unsure, go see your doctor and ask for a breast examination. They will reassure you. Also, if you do feel a lump you are not sure about, best to get it checked out. As I said before, most are benign but it will put your mind at rest.
Good luck x

[Munchlet]

HI Mipsy

Thanks so much for your reply, I showed my husband last night and he couldn't see anything either so I'm trying to be rational and think if it was anything surely my breast would look different to him or my mum would have seen something.

I know this sounds crazy but I think it's more when my breasts are cold and everything is more shrivelled up! It doesn't help because I have a lot of stretch marks on my skin which cause little ridges and things so I am going to ask the well woman doctor to check them for me.
I'm still worried but trying to calm down :)

[Uncertain27]

HI Mipsy

Thanks so much for your reply, I showed my husband last night and he couldn't see anything either so I'm trying to be rational and think if it was anything surely my breast would look different to him or my mum would have seen something.

I know this sounds crazy but I think it's more when my breasts are cold and everything is more shrivelled up! It doesn't help because I have a lot of stretch marks on my skin which cause little ridges and things so I am going to ask the well woman doctor to check them for me.
I'm still worried but trying to calm down :)

It doesn't sound that crazy (TMI post ahead!) when I've been walking in the cold and wet my nipples shrink to about half the size and go really hard for about an hour, enough that they hurt if I've been wearing something tight. When it was winter and we lived in a house with no heating a lot of the time I used to come home from shopping and stick a hot water bottle up my jumper even when I wasn't cold generally, just to warm up my nipples! :D

[Munchlet]

Oh I'm glad it's not just me Uncertain, honestly the things we do, all in the name of HA!!!

Thanks for your post, it does help to know that others understand what you are going through.

Oh to be 20 again when I didn't have saggy boobs and notice every nook and cranny with them :wacko: