Baxtervix
20-05-13, 09:19
Hi all,
Just wanted to introduce myself, just call me Vix :)
I'm finding this hard to type on this, as Im totally in denial that there is anything wrong with me. I was a strong character, but I feel it's been striped from me... I'm actually tearful already!!!
Both my parents died last year, only a few months between their deaths, my mother died where I worked (well used to, as I'm off work at the moment), I was also at work when my father died, so the word work is not a pleasant place as it used to be, I associate it with negative feelings. I'm a secretary for a large caring organisation, so I deal with lots of frail and elderly clients and of course their families who often come to chat with me because they feel guilty, so in a way it's like being a sponge soaking up everyone else's problems and feelings. I've been in this role for 10 years, but I believe that I've developed stress, anxiety and depression over the last couple of years and just ignored the symptoms. It started as chronic back pain, I couldn't walk at first, so doctors were treating me with possible spinal disc injury. I had loads of blood tests, X-rays, scans, you name it but it all came back clear and ok! Which is a POSITIVE in my book. Cut a long story short, my Physio believed that my back was so notted up due to stress and that the electro neurones from my negative thinking was creating all my pain, hence why now I'm being treated for depression, stress, anxiety and post bereavement. I'm on loads of different medication, today I've increased Pregablin, so at this very moment in time I feel very drunk, my speech is slurred and I can hardly see the text that I am typing, so if there are some strange spelling errors I do apologise!! There I go again, people pleasing. It would be nice to talk to other people who have or are currently going through the same experience, I don't think there's anything wrong with me! But that's the problem, I'm totally in denial of it all. I'm always thinking about work just cannot get it out of my head! If I do something wrong at home I feel really awful, and just generally I feel I've totally lost all perspective of who I am and where I should be! I hate it, I feel I've let my husband down and my son who is totally wonderful and works so hard and is getting on with his wonderful life, a life I used to have... Where's it gone? It's gone because of me, they say it will return. I'm starting a CBT course tomorrow (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) I'm rather nervous about it, I hope it's not a group therapy, as I will just walk out. Not able to deal with all that stuff yet. Still I'm giving it a go so I will let you know how I get on. Nice to talk to you all, I hope I make some friends on here. Vix
Just wanted to introduce myself, just call me Vix :)
I'm finding this hard to type on this, as Im totally in denial that there is anything wrong with me. I was a strong character, but I feel it's been striped from me... I'm actually tearful already!!!
Both my parents died last year, only a few months between their deaths, my mother died where I worked (well used to, as I'm off work at the moment), I was also at work when my father died, so the word work is not a pleasant place as it used to be, I associate it with negative feelings. I'm a secretary for a large caring organisation, so I deal with lots of frail and elderly clients and of course their families who often come to chat with me because they feel guilty, so in a way it's like being a sponge soaking up everyone else's problems and feelings. I've been in this role for 10 years, but I believe that I've developed stress, anxiety and depression over the last couple of years and just ignored the symptoms. It started as chronic back pain, I couldn't walk at first, so doctors were treating me with possible spinal disc injury. I had loads of blood tests, X-rays, scans, you name it but it all came back clear and ok! Which is a POSITIVE in my book. Cut a long story short, my Physio believed that my back was so notted up due to stress and that the electro neurones from my negative thinking was creating all my pain, hence why now I'm being treated for depression, stress, anxiety and post bereavement. I'm on loads of different medication, today I've increased Pregablin, so at this very moment in time I feel very drunk, my speech is slurred and I can hardly see the text that I am typing, so if there are some strange spelling errors I do apologise!! There I go again, people pleasing. It would be nice to talk to other people who have or are currently going through the same experience, I don't think there's anything wrong with me! But that's the problem, I'm totally in denial of it all. I'm always thinking about work just cannot get it out of my head! If I do something wrong at home I feel really awful, and just generally I feel I've totally lost all perspective of who I am and where I should be! I hate it, I feel I've let my husband down and my son who is totally wonderful and works so hard and is getting on with his wonderful life, a life I used to have... Where's it gone? It's gone because of me, they say it will return. I'm starting a CBT course tomorrow (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) I'm rather nervous about it, I hope it's not a group therapy, as I will just walk out. Not able to deal with all that stuff yet. Still I'm giving it a go so I will let you know how I get on. Nice to talk to you all, I hope I make some friends on here. Vix