New to this & need help

[Kalex12345]

Hi I've been on citalopram 40mg for nearly 6 years & stopped taking 3 weeks ago, I feel as I'm falling apart I can't stop crying , shaking , sore head,severe itching & my heart his beating so fast , what do I'd o

[jelly2010]

Hi and :welcome:
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. Have you spoken to your GP about this? It could be side effects from withdrawal which would hopefully pass soon. I'm sure they would have experience this before and be able to advise accordingly.
I'm sure you'll find some comfort on this site.
Take care,
J x

[CharlieM]

Welcome Kalex,

I don't have any experience of meds but do know all about the racing heart stuff. Why did you come off your meds. Did they work for the 6 years? I am too scared to take meds as I worry about withdrawal. As suggested, see your gp.

Charlie

[Spot-the-frog]

Are you coming off your meds slowly as this needs to be a very gradual withdrawal. I would go and have a chat to your doctor about it.

Hope all goes well.
Kx

[Kalex12345]

I've got a history of depression , when my second son was 11 weeks old he stopped breathing , we got him on time and he was ok. Since that moment I have never slept a whole night . When I brought him home from the hospital I was given a monitor this meant that if he stopped breathing for 5 seconds the alarm went off. The alarm did go off a fee times but he was fine . He's now 17 I also have a 15 year old daughter & when she was born I was so paranoid about her stopping breathing I would not leave the hospital without a heart monitor for her as well. She was great .
By this point I was a nervous wreck and not sleeping. I was put on anti depressants , I don't remember which ones but they made me feel horrible . I was given amatriptyine to help me sleep , they didn't help.
I was always a bit overweight , maybe just about 1/2 stone . But when you don't sleep it gives you extra time to find all your faults & when you don't sleep you eat more .
I'm not a big eater I never have been , but I like chocolate.
So I had 3 kids under 5 , surviving on a couple of hours of sleep a night. I spiralled into despair. And a mother who liked to tell me frequently that was getting fat. I knew I was but I didn't need her to tell me when she was a size 8 .
I went through the motions every day , sent the kids to school , found comfort in chocolate or cake . My depression was getting worse & I started to get anxiety attacks as well . My 1st attack I actually thought I was going do die . As my kids grew so did my depression & my anxiety , I got to the point where I could see my skin crawling with tiny black things. I was so terrified I thought I was going to pass this condition on to my kids and that I would have to be quarantined . I went to docs and was prescribed anti psychotic drugs, I I think I managed to snap out of it. I was fine for a few years although still munching my weight In chocolate . My chocolate was my dirty little secret. I started worki g and seemed to be getting on with things and my mum started having problems of her , long story short my mum became dependant on alcahol . She wasn't just a drunk she was a nasty drunk . Some of the stuff she said to me were just disgusting and she blamed me for being ''just like my mother ''and I knew she'd problems with her mum but I didn't know what happened but she was vile . I always felt that she had kept me at arms length and she said when I was about 10 that she could never ever get close to me , I don't know why & I reacted by building a wall around me,
6 years ago I had a nervous breakdown at my work, I was put on several medications to try & rebuild myself and that brings me up to date, I thought I was cured I thought the citalopram was not working for me and I felt ok . Stopping taking them was not a good idea it has set me back for god knows how long ,,,,,my chocolate eating is still my dirty little secret but I need it to stop , I don't get my picture took with my family and I don't look in the mirror anymore cos I don't like what's looking back at me , it's not me but a fat ugly blob. My husband & my kids try to make me feel better. By saying things like '' your fine mum'' & '' your weight doesn't bother me'' , It bothers me , I don't know who to stop it , I don't know where to start . I think I might have a eating disorder , I have never told anyone about my scoffing , it's disgusting & I don't want a body to see my shoving cake into my face. My mum put me on a diet when I was 10 , I wasn't fat , I just had a little pot belly, she didn't like that because she was so slim ....
I have been annoying my doctors for 5 years trying to get gastric band , he keeps referring me but the hospital won't do it . I am about 14 1/2!stone and only 5' tall . I carry the weight round my middle the danger area , at risk of heart disease , there's history of diabetics in my family , so why won't they do it for me , it would change my life drastically , I know in my heart if I could get it done my mind would start to change & if I get it done I was start to exercise more cos at the moment I struggle to exercise iv got a reply sore hip and back . If I could get the drastic band it would change my life forever

[tashy]

Hi I stopped taking xanax recently and I have been feeling like life is not worth living. I moved to another town and don't know anyone so it makes it even worse. I started meditation classes which help a little but it takes so long they say for any deep relaxation to be felt. At the moment I feel life is pointless and hate waking up each day. Hope someone on here feels like me so we can help each other.

[Kalex12345]

Hi tashy , has ypur doc took you off the Xanax or did you do the same as me and decide for yourself to stop taking them ? Cos thats really not a good thing I felt like driving into a brick wall. I know I can't do it but its in my head all the time.
Live IS worth living even if we've got to remind ourselves all the time . I've got a family who love me and it would leave them devastated if I acted on my thoughts . Can you starting your Xanax again or something similar ? I couldn't get an appointment to see my doc for 3 weeks and they don't do phone appointments, so I have started taking my citalopram again every 2 days so I don't have enough to last me until I see him. I don't feel any better but I know I will in a few weeks & that's what's keeping me going .Can you see your doc to talk about it . I've only discovered this site and it's a god send. I'm painfully shy and really don't have any " friends" not anyone I could talk to. I'm the 1 in the corner who's face goes red & stutters & stammers if spoken to , but the way I got through the years is by writing every thing down.
I called this my self help.
When I was down for whatever reason I wrote it down , when I felt fat & ugly , i wrote it down , sometimes I just kept repeating the same words what ever I felt at that moment again & again & again .
Sometimes I could write for an hour whatever was in my head , I couldn't talk about my feelings but. Writing it down really did help .
I never read what I had written , I thought about it like it was a counselling session and you wouldn't record a counselling session and listen to it again. It does help.