I have had enough I really don't want to deal with it anymore.

[Hanbr]

I have posted before about my health anxiety ruling my life, however in the last few weeks it got better I even managed to go to work for a couple of hours! Now I am once again nearly housebound and hate my mum leaving the house. I have had a really supportive boyfriend and family, however that all seems to be changing... they always focus on the things i dont achieve instead of the things I do which ruins my confidence. I just really can't deal with this anymore I dont want to be scared everyday.. I'm exhausted and I have tried everything and nothing works.. I have been helping my boyfriend revise for his exams.. literately he just comes rounds revises and leaves.. anyway it made me feel quite upset because I feel like he is only here as he finds it easy to revise here but doesnt want to spend time with me. I addressed him with this today and just asked if he could stay for an extra half hour and we could just chill, he said no he needed to go home, anyway I got quite upset( although my emotions are very heightened atm) and said no I wanted to talk about things and sort things out... he turned round and said I was crazy and no one in their right mind would act the way I do.. now I am just in a state and can't cope anymore, I dont want to be like this anymore I dont want people let alone my boyfriend to think I'm crazy.. I just dont see the point anymore I think it would be a lot easier if I wasn't here because then my mum could just get on with her life and my boyfriend wouldn't have to pretend he still loved his "crazy" girlfriend.. because tbh he cant I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago, all i see is anxiety and thats all I feel.. just anger and upset. I don't recognize me anymore, I don't want to be me anymore.
I know no-one can really offer advice but I just needed to write my feelings somewhere, were people won't judge me.

[clairejayne]

Sorry you are feeling so low. Keep strong. Feel free to message me anytime i find it helps to talk.
Claire.

[Munchlet]

Hi

It sounds like you are having a really rough time and I think it is very difficult for those around us to know what to do or say.

I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who most of the time just accepts my craziness and somehow manages to deal with it, although there are times he literally is pulling his hair out and I can see that he really has had enough of constantly reassuring me.

Last year we went on holiday to Majorca and I came back thinking I had rabies (hows that for craziness) I hadn't even seen any dogs or cats but in my wonderful state of HA I thought I'd been bitten by a bat and not realised. I spent weeks crying, not eating, moping around, not going out and it took a few weeks of Prozac before I could begin to get my life back and throughout that time I honestly thought my husband would leave me I was so difficult to deal with and there was no rationalising it with me.

Anyway I just wanted to post that so you know you are not crazy, we can't help how we are and I think those closest to us get angry because they don't want to see us like it and don't know how to help us.

I would strongly suggest (if you haven't already) seeing your GP, it certainly sounds like you might need some medication or therapy to start helping you to rebuild your life.

Remember you are not crazy and if you are, well then there are a hell of a lot of crazy people and most of us are on this board:yesyes: Just remember it's down to an imbalance in the brain which can be treated and your GP is the best person to do that.

take care x

[AllIhaveisme]

Hey darling, you aren't alone. I am going through a divorce, which I'm sure brought on anxiety and I have pushed everyone away because I don't want them to see "this" me. I don't like this me either. :( Stay strong, this too, shall pass. You'll be ok. Hugs!!!

[bibliophilic]

Please don't give up. I understand where you're coming from, as I'm 24 and in the past few months I've had to drop out of college, give up a job, and I can't stand to be alone. I used to love having time alone but now I'm terrified of being by myself. I live with my boyfriend and luckily he enjoys sitting around playing video games, but my issues have caused issues and tension, like we had a big fight because he was going away on a long vacation with his family and I was having panic attacks over being alone, so he had to stay--he was really upset about it and I still feel so guilty. But my problem is a swallowing issue, and so I can't drink or eat when I'm alone.

Could it be that he's stressed over revisions, and just adding that to the pile of stress and taking it out on you? People often don't understand and don't know how to react. My own mother talks about how I'll be "dead soon" because I'm literally starving myself. Thanks, mom..

I'm not who I used to be, either. Before February, I didn't have this anxiety and I was so excited about my future. Now I have a will written out and I've given up on a good quality of life.
But I know people who have been in worse situations. They survived and went on to great things.

It'll change for us. Keep hanging on until then, okay? :hugs: