melishaxoxo
23-05-13, 09:57
I am 26 years old, for years now I have been working for my dad as a legal secretary. My dad is a very stern man and most people are afraid of him. He doesnt talk to me or show me love, at times i could feel his frustration that i am working for him and that i never got a degree and went to university. It has always been a dream of mine to work for a fashion house or magazine. But I feel so low,useless and insecure that I am losing all hope to live. My mum constantly compares me to my younger sister who has her own place, who studied at university, who has her dream job plus my parents bought her a car although i got my drivers permit before her but have never driven on the road as my mum could not take me for lessons. My sister is like the "golden" child in the family and I am the black sheep. During my schooling career i had a brain injury, an old tv fell onto the side of my head when i was connecting a chord into the dvd player, i failed my matric exams, i remember learning for the exams and revising but when i sat down for the exam my whole mind went blank and i couldnt remember anything. Matric is a big thing and families wanted to know what symbol i got for mine and my mum told them i failed. I cried for months and i felt so so low at that time, i felt like a total failure, people looked down on me especially familes. I would always be the outcast who didnt get into university,who never got a degree and basically stuck here working for my dad. I tried applying for jobs elsewhere but have got no response from them. I have done a few short courses has of the last 3 years,i did a computer course, a office admin course and fashion merchandise course. I even tried to get a sales job in fashion stores but none would take me. I feel so tired of it all, this mundane life of living a life i never thought i would be living, i always dreamt big when i was a child and i always pictured my life having my own place,own car, great job but look at my life now worry over health anxiety, brain injury, no degree, no job of my own, no car, no place of my own and basically my parents keep putting me down making me feel more and more like crap. I dont know where to from here..life just seems so dull for me.. :((((