claireyt
25-05-13, 18:26
I know I shouldn't introduce myself within this forum, but being as my main source of anxiety is all things health related, I think I just wanted to cut to the chase. Please bear with me.
I have had a history of depression years ago. Well for quite a while, then diagnosed with PND after the birth of 2 of my babies (I have 3 lovely children). My symptoms of PND were mainly anxiety related, and I'd convinced myself that something bad was going to happen to them - they would die suddenly, or had a syndrome that hadn't been diagnosed etc etc. After taking Sertraline, things settled down, and the older and stronger each baby grew, so too my anxiety lessened to more or less a normal degree of motherly worry! During my time of bringing up my young family, I gave up working, and last year (after nearly 9 years of cbeebies), I decided to complete a return to practice course in nursing which I finished in January. I now have a post as a staff nurse at a local hospice, which is everything you could hope for a place of work to be; supportive colleagues, flexible shift patterns, an environment to give the best quality care to all patients with excellent staff to patient ratio. Except....I am currently a wreck at home. I have convinced myself I am going to die soon. I am convinced that a swollen lymph node in my neck is the beginnings of lymphoma. I am convinced that I not going to see my 40th birthday in October. And I am convinced I am going to leave my 3 beautiful babies without a mummy very soon :weep:. I have been backwards and forwards to the GPs and the local walk in centre. I am having panic attacks almost daily (not at work - for some reason I can forget there). The ice cold rush that sweeps over my body each time I think of something catastrophic is paralysing. I am taking 80mg propranolol, and currently 50mg sertraline (to build up to 100mg in a week, then 150mg a week after that). I've had blood tests and a chest xray which has come back normal, but the daily pains that I experience (sometimes chest, often neck and arm, occasionally stomach and ear pain) tell me that there must be a physical cause to such identifiable pain.
I can't continue this way. I am frightened daily, and have an overwhelming fear of death. Any advice would be so so welcome, and I'm sorry for such a long and convoluted introduction to my sad and sorry state. X
I have had a history of depression years ago. Well for quite a while, then diagnosed with PND after the birth of 2 of my babies (I have 3 lovely children). My symptoms of PND were mainly anxiety related, and I'd convinced myself that something bad was going to happen to them - they would die suddenly, or had a syndrome that hadn't been diagnosed etc etc. After taking Sertraline, things settled down, and the older and stronger each baby grew, so too my anxiety lessened to more or less a normal degree of motherly worry! During my time of bringing up my young family, I gave up working, and last year (after nearly 9 years of cbeebies), I decided to complete a return to practice course in nursing which I finished in January. I now have a post as a staff nurse at a local hospice, which is everything you could hope for a place of work to be; supportive colleagues, flexible shift patterns, an environment to give the best quality care to all patients with excellent staff to patient ratio. Except....I am currently a wreck at home. I have convinced myself I am going to die soon. I am convinced that a swollen lymph node in my neck is the beginnings of lymphoma. I am convinced that I not going to see my 40th birthday in October. And I am convinced I am going to leave my 3 beautiful babies without a mummy very soon :weep:. I have been backwards and forwards to the GPs and the local walk in centre. I am having panic attacks almost daily (not at work - for some reason I can forget there). The ice cold rush that sweeps over my body each time I think of something catastrophic is paralysing. I am taking 80mg propranolol, and currently 50mg sertraline (to build up to 100mg in a week, then 150mg a week after that). I've had blood tests and a chest xray which has come back normal, but the daily pains that I experience (sometimes chest, often neck and arm, occasionally stomach and ear pain) tell me that there must be a physical cause to such identifiable pain.
I can't continue this way. I am frightened daily, and have an overwhelming fear of death. Any advice would be so so welcome, and I'm sorry for such a long and convoluted introduction to my sad and sorry state. X