View Full Version : Really Accepting. Help needed.
Hello,
I have only recently started on a course of Citapropal, and I think this is making my anxiety worse at the moment, and giving me regular attacks when at home.
I am determined to beat this thing using self help by accepting the feelings. I try not to avoid anything and I am able to cope (not easy) with most of my anxious feelings but when I do get a real panic attack, right at the peak, I still withdraw and feel like giving in.
My normal level of anxiety is a churning stomach with that horrible dread feeling but when I think negatively like "Oh here it comes again" I can enter a panic attack which goes through me like an electric shock. It stays with me as an awful burning feeling accross my chest and arms but the worst part is the accompanying despair. I feel reduced to tears with "I can't do this".
This is when I still fail and withdraw.
Until I can go through this last bit and still carry on I don't think I can really recover. I know it cannot hurt me but it still overwhelms me..
Any good tips?
Thank.
Phil,
Haven't really got any tips as I am in the same boat. I really want a way out of this too. Every day is one long struggle. Only sleep gives me some respite.
I also try and continue with my day as best I can, but when the symptoms cause panic, I just curl up and hide away.
I am actually having a better day today. Only 2 panic episodes which is good for me.
Charlie
Hi Charlie,
I know what you mean... I feel like a 5 year old sometimes...
I sit trying to watch the TV but really I am just ruminating and trying to work it all out.... Big mistake! Then eventually I feel defeated and the panic washes over me. This is the worst part as, like you, I just want to despair and cry.
I always pick myself back up eventually and try again... Maybe I am trying rather than just doing. I am a firm believer that I have to lose my fear of the feeling..... Very hard!
Hope you feel better soon..... Good to chat.
Phil
Hi,
I think I've beaten panic ... but went to anxiety :P
I've just learnt that panic doesn't do any harm.
So really, after a while, I just decided to not avoid situation that could cause panic.
When it comes I would say: ah here you are, ok, let's wait and stay here.
Obviously some sensations are horrible and the mind is trying everything to scare you!!
But at least the terrible panic went away.
(struggling with anxiety because as it last almost all day.. well, it's not easy to accept when it comes.. grr)
Hi,
For me it is really the other way around... I did get the odd panic attack, but my problem is Genreal Anxiety. It is hard, because like you say, you get very little rest from it. It just spoils your whole day. I think, though, if you have managed to lose your fear of panic, you will be able to do the same with anxiety as it is a little less intense. You just have to have a great deal of patience as you get less time to feel normal.
Phil
cheshirecatqee
28-05-13, 20:29
When the panic comes try observing like a scientist what is happening in your body like my pulse is racing, feel wobbly etc.
Don't try and stop/avoid the feelings because that is all they are they can't harm you. It is tough to do but really helped me with them.
Thanks Cheshirecatqee.. I will try that... Sounds like a plan.
OncewasSupergirl
28-05-13, 22:36
I have overcome my panic and anxiety and recovered and relapsed at least 3 times in 12 years, I always go back to Dr Claire Weekes method outlined in her book "Essential Help for your Nerves". I've read every book and tried every technique and I always go back to this. It takes a lot of practise to accept your anxiety/ panic and its definitely not an overnight thing more a lifelong process xx
Same here... Been here at least 4 times before.... Most of the new books are just a modern version of the Claire Weeks teachings anyway....
I still however get a bit confused between accepting my GAD and accepting my occasional panic attacks.... I tend to try and make the panic come so I can practice going right through it but am unsure if I sometimes do this unnecessarily when I am just feeling normal anxiety. The day to day worrying with GAD can be very draining, and I tend to be hard on myself trying to make it worse in the same way as you would with a real panic attack.
Phil
This is an interesting discussion. I am suffering butterflies really badly at the moment. I know this is anxiety, but nothing I do makes them go away. Then suddenly I'll just notice they have gone. This does tend to suggest that consciously trying to make them go is not the right thing to do.
Panic is something very different for me though. I usually need three or more physical symptoms to strike at once to enter a panic attack. These are normally
Left arm and armpit pain
Chest discomfort
Sweating
Fuzzy head
If I have one or two of these, I tend not to enter full panic mode. It's all very strange.
Agreed.. For me, a panic attack is quite sudden... Usually follows a thought, and I get a real "electric shock" feeling through my chest and arms... Get ringing in my ears and feel sort of numb ... But I sort of know that nothing worse than that is going to happen and it only lasts for a short time if I stand my ground and think "ok carry on... This is just panic... You have been here before" but I am still unsure if I really am accepting it.
GAD is a continuous feeling of foreboding.... Just feels like something unexpected or bad is going to happen..it is normally accompanied with a churning gut and a bit of nausea, but the feeling of vulnerability is the worst bit I find.
Accepting this I think is just not caring about it, and not getting tangled up in the associated worry thoughts .... All the what ifs etc. very hard though!
Phil
---------- Post added at 16:50 ---------- Previous post was at 13:54 ----------
Just had a thought...... I was quite relaxed this afternoon.... It was nice.
Then, maybe due to some doubt or thought, I felt a little anxious, and very quickly got a real burst of panic....
My normal reaction is, "what did I do wrong", what did I think that caused this...As if this was my fault.
This searching seems to add to the panic... It is part of this first and second fear thing.
Am I right in thinking that I really did not really have any control over the initial symptoms? In which case I should give up blaming myself and not react by trying to work out why. As soon as I realised this might be true, I was able to just go with it, not question it, and it passed in 5 mins....
Maybe I just learned something.... I do hope so...
Phil
As already mention by others, my advice is carry on normally. Don't avoid anything. Even if you fear a panic...do it anyway.
Even if you get a panic attack, try not to run away from it. Stay where you are because it will subside.
courteranne
29-05-13, 17:16
I wish I had some good advice. I am in the same situation as you are. I actually joined this to see if it would help me at all as I dont know what else to do. Feels like I have tried EVERYTHING
This might be of interest......
http://nothingworks.weebly.com/
A good read when you think you have tried everything.
Phil
Im in the excact same boat..i have been trying to "accept" my anxiety for over a year. I have has some small windows of feeling good, but for the most part I have anxiety and panic every single day. I too have the most bothersome symtoms of butterfly stomach, numb upper body and overall sense of dread constantly..i am in CBT, but doesn't seem to be helping me as I find it VERY hard to change my negative doom and gloom thinking about my anxiety..im constantly telling myself "I cant do this", and "ill be like this forever" and "ill never be myself" again and its seems so hard to stop..has anyone dealt with this negative thinking and had success with changing it? The only thing that is helping me throught the day is Ativan, and I really want to stop taking that if I can..i have been taking it daily for months...Thanks for any insight!!!
Rybonn,
I could have written your post.... It reflects my thinking so well....
The weird thing about this condition is when you get a good day... Like I am having today (at last), you do wonder what you are worrying about!
Bunt I know when that feeling kicks in again it will be accompanied with the same old thoughts, and they WILL seem real again.
I guess we need to practice accepting the right way.... Really accept.... In other words "don't care" about the way we are at the moment. It ain't easy.... But then again if it was, there wouldn't be many people suffering from anxiety.
Hi again guys,
Just catching up on the discussion. I also seem to be having a better day today. Maybe something to do with the fact the sun is shining??!!
Still had three bouts of anxiety though not as severe. The physical pain doesn't seem as bad either, but I slept particularly well and long last night.
Phil, you hit it on the head though. What happens tomorrow or the day after when the symptoms return??? I am going to try so hard to remember today and try and carry on doing stuff instead of moping!!!
So true phil, when I do get the odd good day here and there,its like I am so donfident and positive and am loving life..then on my normal bad days, its back to all negative, questioning everything, scared of every thought and feeling that that runs through me....very frustrating..im been suffering for a while, and feel like I should be so much better at accepting right now..ive been working on it for wuite some time, but still cant seem to help myself from saying "I hate it I hate it!!!" just so exhausting sometimes..
All,
I think we all agree, it is very simple, but not very easy.
I try and accept, but I think I am trying rather than accepting, if that makes sense.
I am an ex engineer so my instinct is that I have to fix this.... A big mistake I think.
It is sooooo difficult to stop thinking about yourself when your body is reminding you all the time.
Phil
aggiecuttler
31-05-13, 16:41
i realised the other day that i can easily bring on a panic attack just by worrying about having one, nearly did it just then actually i wish they would go they are just horrible i try breathing calmly yes it never works bummer man he delivers
My problem is that I seem to do pretty good at accepting for a lot of the day,some hours better than others, but then as the day goes on, its like I just get so fed up of "trying to accept" that I just get worn down and my anxiety gets the best of me and I have an attack, or start crying ect..I feel like it would be much easier for me if it wasn't an all day affair..just gotta keep practicing I guess..the Ativan is helping me get to a place were I can accept much better, as sometime I feel the sensations are far too strong for me to try and work on this..just have to start slowly weaning down on the Ativan, and start weaning up on the acceptance!!:blush:
Rybonn,
Completely understand what you mean. GAD is very hard because you just don't seem to get any reward for all your efforts. This is why I despair sometimes. I did so a few days ago, just withdrew and spent 4 or 5 hours giving up, and very emotional.
I then feel exhausted and again realise that this is getting me nowhere and I come back to trying again. I am not sure what I think will happen when I despair, it just seems like a compulsion to do so. I suppose I want someone else to do this for me, a cry for help.
I am not saying I would like to have massive panics attacks instead of this constant feeling of dread, (GAD), but it is difficult and quite severe.
Then again, yesterday I had complete relief and saw the light..... Nothing to worry about, no fear, unbelievable. I don't feel too bad this morning, but not yet as good as yesterday. I know I must not go looking for the good feeling, I have to accept this aswell.
Phil
I think the cit is settling in.... I hope so.... Still feeling much more relaxed.Phil
Im the same way Phil, just get overwhelmed and need to have a cry..I had a great night last night, but took .5 of Ativan and feel disappointed as it was the Ativan and not me that skiers me to feel that way. Just seems as if I should be better at accepting these feelings by now,as it has been a long time of dealing with this...
Rybonn,
Yesterday was great for me again and I went to my daughters for the evening and had a meal and 2 glasses of wine. I cut down on what I would normally drink and spread the wine over several hours as I am aware that drinking is not going to help. Had a great nights sleep and woke this morning with a little bit of anxiety. I suppose I then started to think this was going to be a bad start to the day. I then go straight back into the mode of "I must accept this" and "why" and before I know it the feelings are turning to panic. The bit I really struggle with is the thoughts that I am too frightened to do anything. Yesterday I could see that there was nothing, absolutely nothing to be scared about.
I have had some breakfast but I would really like to pass through this bit, ignoring these thoughts, so I could feel a bit of confidence that this is just a bluff.
I know if I get down about reacting badly to this scary feeling, then I am not moving forward.
Still only on day 12 of the meds though....
Phil
glad you had great night phil..I had a really terrible day yesterday..
cried quite a bit and I too really struggle with the thoughts that im too scared to do anything..and the thoughts that I will never be better..woke up this morning really early and have a lot of anxiety, really struggle with the feeling of restlessness, just want to rest or sleep some more, but am to agitated to do so..frustrating..really trying to just allow the thoughts and feeling to be there and do what they want and try not to react..hard.
Rybonn,
Agreed, I have steadily got more and more anxious today. I know it is because I am taking the way I feel too seriously. I also feel like I want to nap, but this seems to make me feel worse. What blows me away is how positive I felt the last 2 days... I even wrote down that I have nothing to fear, but the words do not mean anything at the moment. I know this is just a feeling, but it has such an effect on the way I think. I am due to go on holiday on Tuesday to the USA and it feels like a pressure at the moment rather than a vacation. I have been reading about changing these negative thoughts to positive ones but I seem to be able to hold the positive one for only 5 seconds before I start thinking bad thoughts again.
Thoghts like...
I am never going to get better.
I am no good at accepting this.
I am like this all of the time.
I don't know what I should be doing or thinking.
I don't understand what I am supposed to be doing.
I am going to fail and let everyone down.
Phil
I can so relate to all the things that you are posting..and especially about the holiday..i just got back from one a few months ago, and i was so incredibally anxious the whole time, i felt like i let myself and my family down. Its so frustrating that something like a fun holiday is not something to look forward to for me anymore, but something to fear and dread..and my goodness wouldn't a nap be amazing! But all we can do is continue to try and accept the way we feel and go about our day..hope you have a better day, and have a great Holiday!!!
Thanks for the good wishes... I also want to wish you well in your recovery. I guess the best thing we can think is that there will be good days and bad days at the moment and the less impressed we can be with the bad days the better we will get. It is going to take time, and this is also difficult to accept. I think we are all intelligent, good and caring people and we all deserve to enjoy our lives. I also think when we are better, we will be stronger people for it.
Phil
Also Phil there is a book that has really helped me in the past, and it is along the lines of your thinking and I think you would really like it. Its called "At last a Life" by Paul David. Check it out! How long have you been dealing with your anxiety? Im always curious as to others stories as I feel like ive been suffering for so long and frustrated that im not better yet!
Yes, I read that book only last week... It is a new take on acceptance, but good.
I first had a bad spell with anxiety after the death of my father when I was in my early 20s. I got over it but was alway frightened of it returning which it often did when life/work got stressful. I developed an awful fear of eating out, as my anxiety alway attacks my appetite. So Christmas was always a difficult time with lots of social meals. No one knew I was like this. So on and off I had spells of anxiety and depression throughout my life... But I seemed to have broken the habit about 7 years ago and have had a long good spell. I love going out for meals etc now. I retired from my work 2 years ago and was a little worried about this major change but coped well and was quite relaxed and happy until about January. I could feel that a couple of minor worries were giving me the same old feelings and I suppose I panicked at the thought that "it" was coming back. Now, retired, with no real worries, I have plenty of time to sit and think. I have also lost many opportunities to socialise, (which ironically was what i yearned for earlier in my life!). So this recent bout has come as a real shock, as I do not have any work / money worries and should be enjoying life. For the first time I have accepted the docs advise to try anti depressants which I have been taking for 12 days now. The first week was dreadful... Increased anxiety, sweating, shaking and disturbed sleep... The last 2 days felt like the side effects are easing off and I thought, this is starting to work. Today, I don't feel so good.... But hopefully I will feel the benefit soon.
For me, as I keep saying, if I could pass through a bad day without caring about it then I would really gain some confidence from it.... This is my goal at the moment.
Phil
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