worried about who can help, feeling abandoned

[lazaru]

Im back to the forum after many years of managing but this time things seem really odd. Ive developed what appears to be quite a bad attachment disorder whereby i get very upset when a trusted or safe person is away. ive always battled with this somewhat but noticed recently that i was beginning to panic even if the person was nearby, but in a situation where I couldnt immediately speak to or see them.
out of this i also have begun to ruminate on the idea that no one can actually help me, be it my parents, friends or medical professionals. this is really freaking me out and making me feel quite helpless at times, and is made almost unbearable when in the throws of panic.
i do suffer from pure o OCD but Ive never had thoughts like this
Ive been on 150mg of venlafaxine for ages, but a recent upping to 187.5mg seems to have made things worse.
ive even missed a few psych sessions as i had a bad attack in the waiting room recently and felt scared and unsafe
has anyone else experienced anything like this?
its a first for me and its making recovery/coping seem impossible:weep:
*thinking about this last night, it all started when i had a panic attack with my safe person around. scared me into thinking that if they couldnt help me, who can.*

---------- Post added at 22:37 ---------- Previous post was at 22:34 ----------

ps i recently had to abandon a holiday as i was getting on the airport coach because i started to panic and get very upset, even though i was with my mum, as i didnt feel that she would really be able to help me if things got bad

[lazaru]

anyone?

[Tufty]

I wouldn't see this realisation as a setback but more of a breakthrough.

Only you can feel your panic and understand your anxiety. Others can reassure you, comfort you and distract you but your feelings are still there. Only by feeling truly safe in your own skin will you be panic free. It shouldn't matter whether you're on the edge of a mountain ridge or tucked up in bed you should feel safe in yourself and it's this feeling that we are all trying to obtain.

All we need to do it breathe during panic, nothing else and you can do that all by yourself.

Learning that no one can help with your panic could be seen as liberating, you can go anywhere alone and be OK.

I am not underestimating the severity of your panic and know how hard this is, I am suffering greatly at the moment but I realised some time ago that it's only me that's feeling this and only I will be able to get myself out of it. All I have to do is keep breathing and I will survive. Doctors, therapists, medication, friends, NMP etc. may all help but ultimately it is down to us. We need to feel safe in our own skins again

Take care
Sam

[lazaru]

thanks Sam
thats a perspective I never considered
Ive got 2 days alone from tomorrow and I think that is exacerbating the feeling, thankfully friends etc are around in the evening, but its the long days that get to me, especially feeling as though there is no-one and nowhere i can go to feel safe

[Snoodlester]

I know how you feel - this has been happening to me recently. My 'safe' person has become my mum, and yesterday my parents went out for the afternoon. I became very panicky and started trembling just before they left and I had to listen to some relaxation tracks to calm me down. It's terrifying as I've never really felt anything like this before and don't know why it's happening now.

Mum has been trying to learn about my panic attacks/depression, but it seems the more she learns the worse I'm becoming. I think it's because as she's reading things in black and white she thinks I ought to be able to do it. I've tried to explain gradual exposure, but she just doesn't understand. It feels now like she's pushing me too hard.

My main anxiety at the moment is travelling, and having my mum in the car was my 'safety', but even that doesn't work for me now :(

Let's hope we can figure this out!

[Tufty]

Ahhh - I know that feeling. I truly believe that feeling safe can only come from within, I am still searching for this feeling - I've had it before without medication and on medication and know I will one day find it again - but it's been a bloody long search this time :wacko: and I'm getting tired of looking.

Knowing that there is no one and nowhere that will make you feel safe is a terrifying thought at first, it made me panic and wish that I was agoraphobic and had a safe place like home where I didn't panic. I can panic anywhere at anytime. It's worse when I'm trapped - like you at the airport but it has happened when I'm lying in bed too. I understand now that is doesn't matter where I am, the feeling is coming from within me and as I said only I can stop it.

Self esteem and the belief that you have the ability to cope with the anxious feelings are vital. As soon as that niggling voice comes into your head - the what ifs, the fleeing thoughts and negative suggestions we need to be strong enough to ignore or replace them with positive more realistic thoughts. I don't believe you can overcome anxiety and depression without a high self esteem, self confidence and determination.

[lazaru]

ditto that, my panic follows me everywhere. home with family used to be safe as, well, houses, but even that isnt a given anymore. its better with someone here certainly, but the comfort and reassurance I used to feel has gone.